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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I feel like I’m self-sabotaging my weight loss. I know what it takes to lose the weight. At 34, I’m not obese – but I’m chunky, and I’ve been skinny a number of times – but always put it back on. I can tell myself I’ll only have salad before I go out for dinner with friends, but inevitably end up eating junk and drinking beer. Why do I do this? Can you recommend mental strategies so I can get skinny and stay that way? The answer: An immediate observation: you say you are “chunky” and that you have been “skinny” on a number of occasions in the past, but have unable to maintain that weight. Rather than thinking in terms of any extremes, the first mental shift you need to make is to establish a realistic and healthy weight goal – both for the short-term and long-term. If you are aiming for a goal that is unhealthy or unrealistic, you are setting yourself up for failure. And unfortunately, this can contribute to a yo-yo effect in terms of both dieting behaviours and weight fluctuations, as you have described. You can easily find body mass index (BMI) calculators online which can provide you a reasonable approximation of what a healthy weight range should be for your height and sex. Speaking to a physician, dietitian or nutritionist can also help provide you with some guidance. Once you have revised your target goal, remind yourself that slow and steady definitely wins the race. Guidelines suggest that it is unhealthy to lose any more than 1 to 2 pounds per week – so keep this and your current weight in mind when establishing a weight loss goal. The principles of weight loss are not complicated, and as you have said you know what it takes to lose weight. Weight loss requires increasing activity, and decreasing caloric intake (through a combination of reducing the amount of food eaten and making healthier food choices). Be mindful of the types of limits and expectations you put on yourself – often, these are the biggest psychological barriers to not being able to stick to weight loss strategies: Black or white thinking when it comes to weight or diet changes is never effective – which is part of the reason diets fail more often than not. Try to not make “all-or-nothing” statements such as “I will only eat a salad when I go out for dinner” or “I will never eat junk food”. Instead, make realistic goals you can stick to, such as “I won’t eat junk food after such-and-such a time at night” or “I will limit alcohol intake when out with friends to a maximum of two drinks”. These goals are much more realistic, and you are more likely to be successful in sticking to them as you are not depriving yourself. Remember, you can always revise and refine your goals if you aren’t reaching your target weight loss. Finally remind yourself that weight changes take time. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Vanessa Rouzier, RCC  Mindfulness can be defined as the action to observe what is happening while it is happening, in a non-judgmental and non-reactive way. While practicing mindfulness, you learn to pay attention to external stimuli (what you see, hear, touch, smell or taste) as well as internal stimuli (your body sensations, emotions and thoughts). One way to practice mindfulness is through mindful eating.
Science tells us being intentionally and actively mindful has so many positive benefits on our psychological health. These include, but are not limited to; reduction of stress, reduced rumination, decreased symptoms of depression & anxiety, less emotional reactivity & more effective emotion regulation, increased focus, enhanced cognitive flexibility, and improved working memory. Mindfulness is a skill we can learn to foster, enhance and implement across all areas of our life. Why apply mindfulness to eating? In a society of performance, where we always feel the need to do and have more, it’s easy to become disconnected from our experience of eating. This can lead to poor eating habits. We are eating mindlessly when we finish a bag of chips or cookies without realizing it, when we don’t really taste our food, or when we grab something to eat by habit without considering whether or not we are hungry. Mindfulness eating can help you slow down, fully engage with the experience of eating, and become more aware of the biological signals of hunger and satiety. It can take a couple of minutes for your brain to receive the signal from the digestive system that you’re full. As a result, when you the time to eat and be fully present during a meal you will notice when you’re full which helps you avoid eating more than what your body needs. The general idea is to learn to trust your body as a guide for when, why, what and how to eat. Strategies to be a Mindful Eater 1) Truly engage in the experience of eating
2) Slow down!
3) Notice how you feel
Final thoughts If you made an eating choice that triggered physical or emotional discomfort, don’t be hard on yourself. Try to see this experience as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what your body needs. Change can take time and practice. Have some self-compassion as you learn to engage with mindful eating habits and become a more mindful eater. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Create Gratitude Practice with Intention
Gratitude is one of my favourite topics. Gratitude is a practice that can have a significant impact on our overall psychological mental health or wellness, and it is one of the simplest practices to adopt. Most of us know what gratitude is, but here I am going to discuss why gratitude is so important and how to practice gratitude with intention as a way of increasing our resilience. “When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu What is gratitude? Very simply – it’s having, feeling and expressing appreciation for what one has, or for what others do for you. But gratitude is more than just etiquette – it’s about a state of mind. Studies have shown that people who frequently articulate and express gratitude experience positive benefits across a range of areas:
Why is an intentional gratitude practice so important? Life gets busy – and life is stressful. And when we are busy and stressed, we all have a natural tendency to focus on responding to things in our environment – trudging through our day’s To Do’s and tasks, without really stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. An intentional gratitude practice can help us make sure that we take mini pauses throughout the day where we are Appreciating and Feeling – rather than just Doing. How to Practice Gratitude
How I Practice Gratitude Personally, I identify things I have gratitude for first thing in the morning (I’m a snoozer ~ so I have a few minutes in those early morning hours where I can think uninterrupted!). I pick 3 things – big or small – that I have gratitude for. These don’t have to be new and unique every day – you can certainly put things on repeat! Then, through the day, I bring my mind back to those 3 things. Some of the things I find I routinely have gratitude for are having a safe and secure home, living in Canada, and having running water. I encourage you to try out an intentional gratitude practice for just one week. Remember to identify at least 3 things – big or small – that you have gratitude for, and try to bring your mind back to these things through the day. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  How to Declutter to Reduce Anxiety: Tips for a minimalist lifestyle
There is so much talk when it comes to “minimalism” and decluttering our “stuff”. Often, people are stuck in terms of where to start, or don’t even quite understand what minimalism means to them: it is different for everybody. Here I’ll discuss how to declutter to reduce anxiety in order to create a balance between what you love to have in your life, while also maintaining a clutter-free environment with fewer things you don’t need. Why should we be concerned with minimalism and having a clutter-free environment? For starters, there’s a lot of wisdom in the old adage about a cluttered environment leading to a cluttered mind. Too much (of anything) around us leads to reduced focus, efficiency, and a general state of emotional or even physical ‘chaos’. Why does clutter lead to anxiety and stress?
Most people have too much stuff, more than they want or need. For about 6% of the population, this tendency to over-collect and under-purge turns into a clinical compulsive hoarding condition. Hoarding: How is it different from having excessive stuff? This article isn’t about hoarding in particular but let’s define it so we know what the difference is between hoarding and simply having an excess of ‘stuff’. For those who are compulsively hoarding, a few criteria need to be met. A person collects and keeps a lot of items, even things that appear useless or of little value to most people; these items clutter the living spaces and keep the person from using their rooms as they were intended; and, these items cause distress or problems in day-to-day activities. How to Declutter to Maintain Balance Personally, I have found the rule of “if you haven’t worn or used something for a year, purge” not that helpful or practical. There are many items I have and will, or do, use that don’t necessarily meet those criteria. Several years ago, I watched and was significantly impacted, by Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m by no means close to being a minimalist. I have a long, long, long way to go. However, after watching this documentary I have found myself to be substantially more aware and intentional about the items I purchase. As well as which items come into our home (getting better at purging is the area I’m still continuing to see as a work in progress!). One of the things that stood out to me from the documentary was to ask yourself one simple question when bringing something in or out of your home: does it have beauty or function? If neither – then out it goes. This is a question I find I repeatedly ask myself when considering a purchase that I may not need. It’s also a question I ask myself when I find I’m resisting letting go of something. How to Declutter Pick only one room in your home you want to declutter. Then break it into sections: for example, in your bathroom, you could have “sink counter”, “medicine cabinet” and “under sink cupboard” as 3 different areas. Make a commitment to purge one area a week. As you review each item within that area, ask yourself: is it either functional or beautiful? Then, move onto another room. I find I can get overwhelmed if I try to do larger purges, and so starting with a drawer or cupboard at a time can be a great way to start! If you’re still having trouble, try making it fun. Put on your favourite upbeat music as you’re organizing it will likely make time feel as though it’s going by quicker. Once you start to see the positive impact of decluttering and living a more minimalist lifestyle, it will get easier and you will find yourself being more intentional about the things you bring into your home. Now that you have some tips on how to declutter I challenge you to start on your next free day! Start small but it will make a difference. By Dr. Melanie Badali, R.Psych.  5 Keys to Successful Goal Setting
There’s something about the start of a new year that motivates us to change. A fresh start to the year makes it the perfect time to clarify our values or vision and set strategic goals. But we all know it’s easier to set goals than it is to actually accomplish them. So, let’s talk about the keys to successful goal setting by expanding our SMART goals and learn to CRAFT our goals. These tips will increase our chances of success. We talk about resolutions at this time of year. Why? Because we need resolve – we need to be committed if our dreams are to become reality. But even resolutions, which start out as firm decisions to do something (or not do something), start to fade and can end up dying out before we succeed. So how can we set ourselves up to achieve our goals? What’s the secret to success? It turns out we don’t need to uncover a secret – we can just dive into the more than 1,000 research studies done on goal setting to find some effective strategies and troubleshoot where we may be getting tripped up. Smart Goal Setting When most people think about tips for successful goal setting, the acronym and mnemonic device “SMART” comes to mind. While there are different interpretations of SMART goals – the most popular appear to be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound/Timely. Research shows that goals with these qualities, among others, can increase motivation and improve the chances of success. If SMART goals as you know them are working well for you – that’s great. If you want to crank things up a notch by incorporating SMART goal setting into a broader framework informed by Goal-Setting Theory – keep reading to learn how to CRAFT your goals better. The industrial/organizational (I/O) psychologists Dr. Edwin Locke and Dr. Gary Latham, developed Goal-setting Theory based on more than 400 research studies. Put simply, they theorize that specific, hard goals lead to a higher level of task performance than easy goals or vague, abstract goals when the person is committed to the goal, has the ability to attain it, and is not constrained by the situation or conflicting goals. They identified the following five goal-setting principles that can help improve your chances of success: Clarity, Challenge, Commitment, Feedback and Task Complexity. I love a good mnemonic device so I decided to tweak the wording of this classic research slightly so these key ingredients can be easily remembered with the acronym CRAFT. Successful Goal Setting: CRAFT Your Goals
1 - Clarity A clear, specific, measurable goal with a concrete timeline for completion is more achievable than a vague or abstract goal. For example, a goal such as “deposit $100 in savings account every Friday” is clearer than “save money”. The S (specific), M (measurable), and T (time-bound) qualities of SMART goals fit here. 2 - Reach (Challenge) Choose a level of difficulty in order to motivate you to strive toward the goal. Too easy? You get bored. Too hard? You get frustrated. Set yourself up for success here. Reach enough past your comfort zone that you can feel good about what you have done. Think about the A (attainable) of SMART goals here. Aim for a hard goal within your ability. Something you can reach but have to stretch for is your target. Choosing an R (relevant) goal will also be helpful here – challenging yourself can be uncomfortable so you want it to be worth it! 3 - Adherence (Commitment) Research shows that commitment to the goal is enhanced by self-efficacy (task-specific confidence) and viewing the goal as important and meaningful. The R (relevant) of SMART goals comes in here. If the goal is not relevant – it will be harder to commit to and stick with when the going gets tough (why bother?). Put your values into action and commit to your goal – be willing to adhere or stick to it even when things get tough. 4 - Feedback People need feedback in order to track their progress and course-correct, if necessary. Set up a method to receive information on your progress toward a goal. If the goal turns out to be too hard, you have time to adjust your goal or plan of action midway through the timeline rather than give up entirely. The M (measurable) and T (time-bound) from SMART goals come in here as well. Choose something that can be measured over time helps you get feedback and stay on track. Feedback can also be rewarding and motivating. 5 - Task Complexity Task knowledge is harder to acquire on complex or complicated tasks so set goals in line with the task’s complexity. Give yourself enough time to account for the learning curve and/or consider chunking tasks into smaller steps. The A (attainable) of SMART goals is relevant here. Consider whether you have the requisite ability to achieve the goal. If you do not, you may need to either adjust your goal, come up with a plan to develop your skills, or delegate parts of the task. Situational Constraints: Trouble Shooting Tip CRAFT+S Goal setting and achievement do not occur in a vacuum. Situational factors are relevant. It’s not just about you. You need to ask yourself whether you have the necessary resources to accomplish the task. Researchers Brown, Jones, and Leigh (2005) found that goals affected performance only when role overload (excess work without the necessary resources to accomplish a task) was low. You can be a superstar with self-efficacy and ability but if there are situational constraints (e.g., insufficient resources) – you may find yourself coming up short on your goals. Consider whether there are ways to overcome situational barriers to your success and incorporate them into your plan. Feeling motivated to change? You can do it! Set yourself up for success – start goal setting using CRAFT goals. Need More Support? Successful goal setting can be challenging, particularly on the heels of an extremely challenging year. If you’re having trouble getting started, or want extra support with goal setting this year, reach out to the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic to get up a consultation with a counsellor. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Valentine’s Day isn’t Designed for Queer Couples
Valentine’s Day is a consumer ‘holiday’ that we’re bombarded with starting in the middle of January – whether you like it or not. Not only are red, white and pink treats and branded presents at almost every store, but we are shown images of happy couples in advertisements everywhere. Not only is this challenging for those who are single around Valentines Day, but it can also be challenging for those who identify somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Valentine’s Day isn’t designed for queer couples. Why isn’t Valentine’s Day Queer? For many folks who identify as queer, Valentine’s Day is a reminder that their identity isn’t represented which can make them feel invisible or unimportant. It does this by reinforcing the idea that ‘ideal’ and happy relationships are heterosexual, monogamous, sexual and romantic. And really anyone who doesn’t fit into that ideal feels as though they’re failing somehow. Think about the things we are surrounded by this time of year. Jewelry commercials are almost always depicting cisgender heterosexual couples and upholding the traditional gender norm of ‘the man’ giving a beautiful and expensive gift to his female partner. We see the same ideas reflected in the products; such as “His & Hers” monogrammed items and cards specifically address to husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. And if/when we attempt to participate in Valentine’s Day we are likely to be met by heternormative assumptions. For example, “oh your boyfriend will love this” when purchasing a gift. Or having a server at a restaurant assuming your gender or relationship status. Yes, queer representation and queer-focused products do exist, and this continues to improve – but the ones that are available are not easily accessible. And the images we are bombarded with are of straightness. Though being queer does not mean we have to reject Valentine’s Day as a whole. We all deserve to be able to celebrate our love no matter what it looks like. Many in the queer community are already good at subverting the norms, reclaiming and celebrating all types of love. So, how can you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a queer person? 1. Have a movie night in with your loved one(s) or your close friends. Valentine’s Day does not have to be about romantic love, so spend the day with people that you care about and find some great queer-focused films to watch together. Consider this list as a great starting point. 2. Buy (or make) a queer-friendly Valentine’s Day card. It’s less likely that you’re going to walk into a Hallmark store and find a card that represents your identity so start thinking about it early. Give yourself to find some cool cards online (Etsy is a great place to start) or consider making your own. 3. Support queer businesses. 4. Go out with a group of queer couples (or as singles) to increase your visibility. 5. Consider making a Valentine’s donation to an LGBTQ+ organization rather than buying presents. If you’re in Vancouver consider one of the following options:
Remember that Valentine’s Day is just another day and regardless of how you feel about it, your relationship status, or your sexual orientation or gender identity you are valid and you will get through the day. Try to surround yourself with positive representations of queerness and queer love and remind yourself that love doesn’t have to look the way it’s advertised to you. Keep doing you! For those who don’t identify as LGBTQ+ but also don’t love the way relationships are represented during Valentine’s Day or simply want to support your queer friends during this time of year what can you do? How to be a queer ally during Valentine's Day 1. Don’t assume someone has plans for Valentine’s Day. Meaning, don’t ask what their plans are unless you explicitly know they plan to celebrate it. This not only helps to support queer folks who don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day but also those who are single and don’t want to be reminded they don’t have plans (or at least not traditional plans). 2. Don’t assume the gender of someone’s partner. (Really you should never assume someone’s gender.) 3. Don’t make assumptions about or judge how someone chooses to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Remember – Valentine’s Day is ultimately about celebrating love – which at its heart involves connection and unconditional acceptance. Consider ways you can connect and unconditionally accept yourself and others around you this Valentine’s Day. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Goals…we all set them – lose that last five pounds, eat better, quit smoking – but only a few of us actually find it easy to make those changes in our lives, particularly if we are changing long-standing patterns. One of the reasons that goals, like New Years Resolutions, often fail is that we aren’t setting effective and achievable goals. There is a major difference between wishing something would change and setting a goal to make that change and following through.
Fitness and diet goals are among the most commonly set goals (as well as the ones that so regularly fail). Many of us start the week strong, but by mid-week, we have lost sight of eating healthy or exercising and fall back into old habits. You don’t need a Ph.D. in health sciences to know that diet, exercise, and sleep are three of the most crucial things that can dramatically impact and – when properly addressed – improve both physical and psychological health. But the diet, fitness, and pharmaceutical industries are lucrative, multibillion-dollar industries for a reason: Most people struggle with sustaining long-term change in these areas. So, welcome to the club! What can you do to enhance the likelihood of sustainable change? Here are six steps to planning and executing your goal to increase the likelihood of success. 1. Pick a specific behaviour to change.Start with no more than one to two behaviours to change at a time.
2. Identify readiness to change. Before beginning, ask questions such as: “How ready am I?” “Is this the right time for me to make a change?” “What are the pros and cons of changing?”
3. Identify barriers. Anticipate setbacks. If we tried to make a change in the past, what got in the way of success?
4. Implement change. Approach behavioural change gradually. Make small, specific changes.
5. Revisit and revise. Do not get discouraged by setbacks. If we are not on track with the changes identified, work to identify the barriers again. Were our expectations too high? Was the specific goal we set too ambitious?
6. Remember Rewards. Set milestones that help track progress and ensure to schedule in regular rewards for each achievement. Behaviour change can be challenging – especially if we have been developing the habit over a number of years. Remember these six steps and know you that success doesn’t happen overnight. Be consistent and know that we all face setbacks, it’s how we keep getting back on track that will eventually lead to permanent change. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
Lately I’ve been feeling uninterested in socializing. All I want to do is stay home and have netflix marathons. I’ve been feeling like this for about two months. Should I be worried I’m no longer wanting to spend time with friends and family – which I used to enjoy? The answer: All of us can benefit from the occasional TV binge. It can give us time to unwind from the day-to-day grind of our lives and give us an opportunity to recharge. However, if your tendency to avoid people has been going on for weeks or months on end, there may be cause for concern. Periods of feeling down or sad are common for all of us; most of the time when we feel this way, we aren’t depressed. Usually, mood changes will go away on their own within a few days or weeks, especially as stressors that commonly cause these mood changes start to resolve. For some people, mood issues may continue for weeks or longer. If you find that you have been feeling sad or down and have had little interest in things you normally enjoy, like spending time with friends, for an extended period, it’s possible you are struggling with an emotional problem like depression. Depression is one of the most common psychological health conditions and affects one out of four people over the course of their lifetime. Contrary to popular belief, depression doesn’t always mean feeling sad or tearful – for some people, a “depressed” mood may feel like irritability or frustration, and for others it may be associated with feeling “flat” or feeling “nothing.” Depression comes along with other problems that may include:
If you are feeling any of the above – particularly if you are having dark thoughts – you should speak to your family doctor or a psychologist or psychiatrist. There are very effective treatments for depression, including cognitive-behavioural therapy, interpersonal therapy and, for some people, medication therapy. With time and the right treatment, you can get better. You may be able to access free services through your local mental health agency (see www.cmha.ca for a Canadian Mental Health Association office near you). By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  We know sleep is a critical contributor to our overall state of physical and psychological health. One of the most important functions of sleep involves allowing our bodies and our brains to recover and recharge. Sleep is even more important for children, as it directly impacts mental and physical development The topic of children and sleep can be a challenging one though. Children don’t typically understand the importance of sleep and aren’t intrinsically wired to maintain a sleep schedule and structure without external guidance. So, as a child develops, it’s up to their caregivers to manage their sleep schedule and ensure they’re getting enough sleep. Managing children’s sleep problems can be hard enough but teenagers may be even more challenging. We will also address teenagers’ sleep challenges here.
Children and sleep Sleep patterns and needs change drastically across age ranges. For instance, those who have experienced a newborn know that sleep happens whenever the child feels like it, making the parents’ sleep schedule highly irregular. Fortunately, between the age of 6 months to 2 years, children typically begin to develop more of a regular sleep pattern. Once this happens, it’s possible to start implementing proper sleep hygiene principles. Sleep Hygiene for Children Here are 5 effective sleep tips for children aged 2-13 years that can help children with sleep problems:
Sleep hygiene is always the best place to start when it comes to managing sleep challenges but what if it isn’t enough? What if sleep hygiene doesn't work? Sleep hygiene should always be tried first when it comes to sleep challenges. For children and adults alike, maintaining consistently good sleep hygiene is typically enough to help with sleep problems. It’s important to note that sleep hygiene will likely take a few weeks, or longer, to have a noticeable impact on your child’s sleep. So be patient and consistent with their bedtime routine. If your child still has sleep problems (such as not being able to fall asleep, or waking up in the night) some other home treatment options have been found to be effective. For example, research has found white noise played over the course of the night was able to help children with ADHD get to sleep faster and stay asleep longer. Weighted blankets are also demonstrating some preliminary and promising effects on sleep for children with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Teenagers and Sleep Another age category that tends to have significant sleep challenges is teenagers. Despite the traditional angsty know-it-all attitude and resistance some teens may have to regular sleep, their brains are still developing as well as their bodies changing, so sleep is just as important during these years as it was when they were younger. What impacts teenagers’ sleep? Many of us can remember being a teenager and wanting to stay up excessively late, resisting structure and schedule in terms of sleep. And, as a result, feeling constantly sleep-deprived or irritated and grumpy as a result. This is not just rebellious teenager behaviour. Research has shown in the teen years circadian rhythms change drastically, as do hormones. Teenagers don’t just want to stay up longer, their body is telling them to. All the while their schooling starts just as early, if not earlier than it did when they were younger. The net result is sleep-deprivation, as environmental expectations make getting the required amount of sleep more difficult. So, how can we support our teenagers in getting better sleep?We may think that allowing them to sleep in on the weekends to catch up on sleep is the best thing we can do. It isn’t. Letting them sleep in actually makes things worse, as this disrupts the body’s internal clock even more. Remember – a consistent bedtime and wake up time is an important aspect of sleep hygiene – and as such, keeping a consistent schedule is still the best thing for teenagers. Since their circadian rhythms are changing and impacting the time they want to sleep, it can be helpful to adjust this sleep rhythm. This can be done by adjusting their light exposure, such that light is increased in the mornings and decreased at nighttime. Effectively adjusting light exposure involves (1) exposing oneself to natural light (even it it’s cloudy) shortly upon waking up in the morning, and (2) removing light in the evenings by ensuring lights are dimmed. There are blackout blinds/curtains, and discouraging use of screens like smartphones, TV’s and computers before bed. Final Thoughts If your child or teenager still has significant sleep problems or other contributing health issues (physically or emotionally), it’s recommended you speak to a medical professional. Sleep is a very important and incredibly complex process, so when presented with recurrent issues it should be addressed by a qualified healthcare professional and not self-diagnosed or self-medicated. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I hate giving and receiving gifts. It seems so materialistic to me – but everyone around me seems to just love it at this time of year. Is there something wrong with me? How can I mentally get behind the idea of gift giving? The answer: Christmas has become an increasingly commercialized holiday: you are not alone in your feelings about gifts. I would challenge your perception that everyone around you seems to love it at this time of year – although many people outwardly may seem to love the holiday season and all the associated traditions. I think if you were to ask people, you’d be surprised at how many share your sentiments. The Christmas holiday itself is religious – but more broadly is viewed by even those with non-religious views as being a time of celebration, love, and giving. The gift component can take away from the true spirit and intent of Christmas, particularly when an emphasis is placed on what one “wants” and is “getting”. The reality is that the holiday season can also become a hugely taxing time of year from a financial perspective. Unfortunately, the focus on gift giving adds to the social pressure that many feel to “keep up with the Joneses”. The net effect is that individuals often get in real financial debt, which is one of the biggest reasons why the Christmas holidays (and the January aftermath) become the most stressful time of year for many. Instead of trying to accept something that is inconsistent with your beliefs, speak openly with your loved ones and others that you exchange gifts with about how you feel. I think you may be surprised at the reaction that you get. Do not be shy about expressing your underlying reasons, which stem from the values you hold. Indicate that you feel that the holiday season and gift-giving is becoming overly materialistic, and that you would like to think of adding some new traditions this year. Propose setting a monetary limit or gifts, or only giving hand-made gifts. Suggest keeping the gift giving for children only. Think about having a Secret Santa gift exchange (where everyone brings one gift, and each person receives only one). Or, propose adopting a family in need and providing gifts to that family. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. |
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