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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I hate giving and receiving gifts. It seems so materialistic to me – but everyone around me seems to just love it at this time of year. Is there something wrong with me? How can I mentally get behind the idea of gift giving? The answer: Christmas has become an increasingly commercialized holiday: you are not alone in your feelings about gifts. I would challenge your perception that everyone around you seems to love it at this time of year – although many people outwardly may seem to love the holiday season and all the associated traditions. I think if you were to ask people, you’d be surprised at how many share your sentiments. The Christmas holiday itself is religious – but more broadly is viewed by even those with non-religious views as being a time of celebration, love, and giving. The gift component can take away from the true spirit and intent of Christmas, particularly when an emphasis is placed on what one “wants” and is “getting”. The reality is that the holiday season can also become a hugely taxing time of year from a financial perspective. Unfortunately, the focus on gift giving adds to the social pressure that many feel to “keep up with the Joneses”. The net effect is that individuals often get in real financial debt, which is one of the biggest reasons why the Christmas holidays (and the January aftermath) become the most stressful time of year for many. Instead of trying to accept something that is inconsistent with your beliefs, speak openly with your loved ones and others that you exchange gifts with about how you feel. I think you may be surprised at the reaction that you get. Do not be shy about expressing your underlying reasons, which stem from the values you hold. Indicate that you feel that the holiday season and gift-giving is becoming overly materialistic, and that you would like to think of adding some new traditions this year. Propose setting a monetary limit or gifts, or only giving hand-made gifts. Suggest keeping the gift giving for children only. Think about having a Secret Santa gift exchange (where everyone brings one gift, and each person receives only one). Or, propose adopting a family in need and providing gifts to that family. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
When is retail therapy unhealthy? The answer: “Retail therapy” is a tongue-in-cheek term we tend to use (especially us women) to refer to shopping behaviour that has the primary aim of improving our emotional state. Getting something new that we like can naturally make us feel good – particularly when it is something that may contribute to enhancing our self-esteem or confidence, such as clothes, shoes or makeup. The natural little high that comes along with this is very normal and for the majority of people will not become problematic. But some people may find that they have an urge to shop when they are sad, depressed, anxious or even angry. Although this can lead to a temporary lift in mood, often our decision-making is poor when we are experiencing negative emotions and we may make choices we later regret. There are three key questions to ask yourself to determine whether your shopping behaviour is unhealthy: 1. Do you get the urge to shop particularly when you are experiencing negative emotions? 2. Do you find it difficult to resist the urge to shop during these times? 3. Is your behaviour resulting in negative results effects (e.g., are you getting yourself into financial debt; do you feel guilty afterward; is it creating conflict with your partner)? If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are likely engaging in shopping behaviour that is unhealthy. There are a few things that you can do to work on this. First, articulate the negative effects of your behaviour. Write them down and be specific. Put this list somewhere visible. Second, identify which particular moods tend to increase the likelihood that you will engage in “retail therapy.” Work to regulate these negative emotions. Seek treatment for underlying mood issues if these have been unaddressed. Try instead different activities that will intrinsically improve your mood, such as visiting with a friend or going for a walk. Third, Third, consider what environmental triggers urge you to shop (e.g., a fight with your partner, a bad day at work). Work on a solution to these situations because targeting the underlying cause will be more effective than focusing strictly on the shopping behaviour. Fourth, put a price to your behaviour. What is this costing you on a monthly basis? And how is that interfering with other short- and long-term financial goals you have? Finally, make a commitment to change your behaviour. Be specific about what you are going to do. And start immediately. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  We’ve all heard the advice of striving for work-life balance. This suggests, for most of us, that work is tipping the scales and we need to spend more time on other aspects of our non-work personal lives – and in some cases to ‘get a life’. The reality of modern-day work structure – right or wrong – is that we now work longer hours than ever. The modern-day work environment and global economy, combined with technology which now allows us to work 24/7, along with the cost of living makes it increasingly more difficult to achieve balance: if we look at this as an actual scale, for most of us, work is going to significantly tip the scales based simply on the number of hours we spend working.
Work-life balance also suggests that portions of our lives should be separated into different sections but it isn’t always that simple. Many of us choose our profession based on something we are passionate about or we feel gives us meaning. Therefore, it isn’t always easy to separate work and life. So, rather than striving for work-life balance, we should be thinking about achieving work-life harmony. This means arranging the different aspects of our lives so that they work together in harmony – like an orchestra. What can we do to achieve work-life harmony? 1. Make conscious choices Conductors create great harmonies by getting different instruments in the orchestra to work together effectively and by emphasizing different instruments at different times. For us, this means ensuring we make conscious choices about the activities we engage in, including work, and what is important to us. This also means attempting to have a plan in regards to the time we spend. Whenever possible make conscious decisions about how much we are going to work and how we are going to spend the rest of our time. 2. Work with passion When possible work in a field that we can be passionate about, or find aspects of our current position that we love. Research suggests that we are happier and more invested in our work when we can find meaning in that work. 3. Prioritize working with people we like Since we are spending a significant portion of time with our co-workers, our relationship with them can affect how we feel throughout the day. We are likely to be happier if we enjoy the people we are working with. This could mean choosing to spend more time with the people we like and get along with at work or building better relationships with the people we work with. Alternatively, if we are working with people we don’t get along with we should attempt to manage those relationships or conflicts better, or even consider switching work environments, if possible. 4. Stay active and get rest Exercise and sleep have a positive impact on our brain function and our productivity at work. While our busy lives don’t always make it easy for us to get the optimal amount of activity or rest (in addition to everything else), something is better than nothing. Consider starting small and finding ways to incorporate movement into the workday (such as walking or biking to work, using a stand-up desk or exercise ball instead of a standard chair, or incorporating a walking meeting into your schedule). Sleep is especially important when it comes to our focus, productivity, and creativity at work. Establishing a sleep routine – where we go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning – can help us achieve a more restful sleep. If a routine isn’t possible, there are a number of ways to increase our sleep hygiene that may be easier to incorporate into your schedule. 5. Don’t let obstacles or limitations overwhelm Obstacles and setbacks are a part of everyone’s lives but how we deal with them has a significant effect on our attitude as well as whether or not we are able to overcome them. Remaining optimistic and positive in the face of limitations and obstacles helps us become more resilient. While remaining positive or optimistic in all situations can be difficult, sometimes it’s about finding one small, good thing in the tough moments that are out of our control. For example, many of us commute to work. There are times that we are in a rush and we get stuck in traffic. Rather than allowing this to anger us and start our day off negatively, we can refocus our energy on music, or an audiobook or podcast to bring harmony back into that moment. Shifting our focus from balance to harmony We’ve been conditioned to think that true happiness lies in achieving a balance between our work and our personal lives. But with technology and the shift of work from something that pays our bills to a passion project, balance no longer means what it did 10 years ago. Instead, work-life harmony allows us to think about our lives differently. It becomes less about tipping an imaginary scale and more about the imaginary orchestra you can create. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I think I’m honestly addicted to my Smartphone. Why do I check my work email all the time – even when I’m out with friends? How can I stop? The answer: What a great question! I’m happy to give you some tips. Just give me a minute – a few urgent texts just popped up. Sorry, where were we?! Being continuously distracted by emails, text messages and calls seems to be an unfortunate reality for many of us. There is no question that the changing nature of work – and advances in technology – have had a tremendous impact on our personal lives. The first step is becoming aware of the problem, which you are. Unless we have some recognition of a problem even existing, we can’t change. Before you start to make any dramatic changes, think about why this is bothering you. Articulate your personal reasons for wanting to change, and the consequences of not changing. Write down a list of pros and cons of constantly checking your work emails. How is this affecting your relationships and stress levels? Articulating the negative impacts on your life can help make you feel more committed to changing and can provide you with clear reasons that may serve an important motivating role for you Think about the positives that come along with checking work emails, as you say, “all the time”. Do you find you are actually saving time? Are you receiving positive reinforcement from those you work with and for? The reality is that at some level, off-hours checking of your smart phone probably has some positive benefits. Thinking about the pros can help guide you toward creative solutions. For example, if your daytime workload is lessened by responding to emails during off-hours times, you may find that waking up an hour early to spend dedicated time dealing with emails before the workday begins is much more preferable than having several hours of personal time being intermittently disrupted by work. Here are some additional tips that can help: 1. Speak to your manager or supervisor and negotiate appropriate guidelines for email checking and response times. Remember – very few of us are in professions where immediate responses to emails are required, and often our usage of work emails is driven more by our own expectations and habits than it is by extrinsic expectations put on us. 2. Establish very clear parameters for acceptable email usage – and leverage the support of family and friends to call you on times you are becoming unduly preoccupied with work emails during personal time. 3. Set your smart phone so that email alerts are on silent during off-work hours. Or, better yet, leave your smart phone at home or out of sight when it is personal/social time! Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. The question:
I count every calorie that I consume. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that – I just don’t ever want to be overweight. My parents/friends think it’s unhealthy and could lead to an eating disorder. What’s your stance? The answer: Issues around shape, weight and eating behaviours exist on a continuum. On one end, people may be completely unconcerned about their shape or weight, and eat with little concern or worry for what they are eating or how many calories they are consuming. On the other extreme, individuals may meet criteria for a bona fide eating disorder. The two most common types of eating disorders are: – Anorexia nervosa, which has the hallmark features of lower than average body weight (lower than 85 per cent of expected body weight) and an intense fear of weight gain. There is often significant restriction of food intake and excessive exercise. Misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas may occur. There may occasionally be elements of binge-eating or purging. – Bulimia nervosa, which has the hallmark features of recurrent binge-eating behaviours (i.e., eating a markedly high quantity of food during discrete periods of time, with an associated lack of control during the binge) as well as purging behaviours to prevent weight gain (e.g., self-induced vomiting, fasting, excessive exercise, or use of diuretics, laxatives or enemas). Calorie counting can be a feature of both of these types of eating disorders, but is often more characteristic of anorexia. In my opinion, excessive focus on calorie counting could certainly be a possible (but not necessary) precursor to more significant problems. That being said, being mindful of what you are eating, staying within recommended health guidelines for caloric intake, and wanting to maintain a healthy body weight are all positive health behaviours. There are a few things that I would wonder about: first, you say that you count “every calorie” that you consume. This sounds a bit worrisome if only for the rigidity around it. If you were forced to not count every calorie (but rather just approximate intake) would this create distress? Could you, rather than focusing on calorie counting, simply focus on ensuring that you are eating in moderation and eating healthy foods? Perhaps allow a change in your weight (e.g., more than a 5 pound gain) to serve as an indicator that you may need to slightly modify your eating behaviours (rather than excessively focusing on every calorie)? If any of these things sound difficult to do, I would wonder if there is perhaps an over-focus on calories, and if shape/weight plays a more significant role for you beyond just a normal, healthy focus on weight. I also wonder what leads your friends and family to be concerned: are there indications of other behaviours (extreme fluctuations in weight, emotional distress, over focus on food, shape or weight, excessive exercise, etc.) that they are concerned about? If the answer is yes I would suggest you think about at least having an initial consultation with a trained mental health professional with expertise in eating disorders that could help you to identify whether there is anything to be concerned about. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth. Originally published for LifeSpeak in 2010. About 30% of employed Canadians, approximately 3 million, work shift—non-standard work hours that cover a wide variety of work schedules. Shift work can consist of fixed shifts or shifts that rotate or change according to a set schedule. The length of shifts can vary between 8 to 12 hours. Shift work is critical to our economy due to our society’s need for around-the-clock provision of medical, transportation, and protection services. Shift work is also common in industrial work, mines, and in workplaces where technical processes cannot be interrupted without affecting the product and/or where expensive equipment is used more profitably when in constant operation.
Although shift work is a job requirement for many employees, there are a number of workers who choose shift work because it allows for more free time or enables their families to manage child care needs. Interest in the effects of shift work on people has grown because many experts have pointed to rotating or extended shifts for the “human error” connected with nuclear power plant incidents, air crashes, and other catastrophic incidents. While shift work is essential to the economy and may be a necessary choice for some, researchers have found compelling evidence that working shift takes a physical and psychological toll on workers. Many workers find that shift work disrupts their family and personal life, limiting their ability to participate in leisure and family activities and making it difficult to find or maintain long-term relationships with a spouse. This fact is important because of the correlation between amounts and quality of social interaction and physical and mental health. People who do shift work report fatigue as the most common health complaint. Dr. Joti Samra, Clinical Psychologist and Researcher and member of LifeSpeak’s Vancouver roster of expert speakers, points out that 1/3 of shift workers experience a severe clinical disturbance in their sleep in the form of shift work sleep disorder. Dr. Samra explains that this is a clinically recognized condition where a constant or recurrent pattern of sleep disruption results in insomnia or fatigue. Shift work has also been associated with cardiovascular disease, hypertension and gastrointestinal disorders, and for women, reproductive health problems and breast cancer. Researchers have identified three interrelated factors that contribute to the association of shift work and health issues:
Since it is not a practical possibility to eliminate shift work, employers can implement some strategies to reduce the effects of shift work on employees. The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends two levels where improvements can be made:
The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends several organizational strategies for reducing the effects of shift work.
By supporting employees through strategies that mitigate some of the very serious physical and mental health concerns brought on by shift work, organizations can lay the foundation for workers to address, on the individual level, the difficulties they face from the changes in eating, sleeping, and working patterns. Resources:
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Motivation Tips: How to Take Advantage of New Seasons
Doesn’t it seem that as soon as Winter ends, you’re full of so much more energy and motivation? You aren’t imagining it; seasonal changes have a very real impact on our energy levels which easily translates into motivation in the spring. So, as the weather changes, let’s take advantage of the motivation boost we’re given by establishing some concrete goals. Why are our motivation levels impacted by the weather? Our emotions can be directly impacted by our environment. The weather is part of our physical environment! Like other animals, we humans spend most of the winter in more of a “hibernation” or energy-saving mode – and once the sun comes out, it’s a catalyst that pulls out our intrinsic motivation. The increasing length of days and a greater proportion of daylight as we move into spring and summer has a tangible, positive impact on our physical levels of energy and by extension our motivation levels. Spring symbolizes so much – freshness, new beginnings, growth – and it gets us mobilized for action! As the late Robin Williams so eloquently states, Spring is nature’s way of saying ‘let’s party!’. There’s a reason we get more motivated at this time of year to ’spring clean’ or get motivated to exercise more in pursuit of the elusive ’summer body’. Despite feeling all of this extra pep, you want to be mindful of not being overly ambitious with your expectations – here are my tips to optimize setting goals that you will succeed in achieving! Motivation Tips: How to take advantage of spring motivation
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Living at home, as an adult, can be challenging – particularly when it’s due to familial or cultural expectations, responsibilities, or need. Many people experience difficulties with juggling the devotion and feelings of responsibility they have to their family’s expectations with trying to maintain some semblance of an independent life.
It is reasonable to feel conflicted or burdened by the responsibility while others are focusing their energy on building their careers, having fun, fostering intimate partnerships, and possibly thinking about starting their own families. Living at home – particularly when it’s expected or required, rather than wanted – can thwart these efforts. So, what can you do? When it comes to your needs, honesty is the best policy Your guiding motto needs to be the age-old adage of honesty being the best policy. If you’re not upfront about your needs, frustration and resentment may build up. Before you have a conversation with your family about your frustration and independence it’s important that you first determine what your needs are.
The heart to heart Once you have come up with some solutions that work for you, have a heart to heart with your family. Here are some ways to do this:
Remember that ultimately you have a choice in what you choose to do – supporting your family and having some independence do not have to be mutually exclusive options. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’m a successful woman in my early 30s, with a great career, close family and friends. After two very serious long-term relationships, I’ve been single for the last 2 years. After a few dates with any new prospect, I inevitably find flaws and call it quits. Is it okay to be picky? How can I accept being single? Do you have tips for embracing singledom? The answer: Successful, single, in your 30s and female: you are part of an ever-growing demographic of society! First and foremost: being selective about the people you choose to spend your time with is never a bad thing. But it sounds like there is some reason you are perhaps overly focused on flaws – and that this is not helping you meet your relationship needs. It can be helpful to spend some time articulating what type of relationship you want, as this may help you determine how “picky” you may or may not want to be. Ask yourself “what is it that I want from a relationship, right now?”. Are you looking for male companionship/friendship? A casual fling? A committed/monogamous yet casual relationship? Or a longer-term, life partnership that may include marriage or children down the road? The answer to this question can help you decide what qualities you currently need in a partner, as arguably the qualities you may look for in a potential lifetime mate (e.g., “great parenting potential”) may be irrelevant if right now you are just looking for a casual relationship. Make a list of the types of flaws you have found in your recent dates. Are your expectations unrealistic (e.g., “someone who is always happy”)? Are you unfairly ruling dates because of qualities that you accept in yourself or your close friends? You may want to run the “flaw list” by a close friend of family member who you trust to give you an honest answer as to whether you are being too critical or judgmental. The second part of your question – about accepting single life – is a bit more complex. Certainly being in your 30s and single can be challenging, particularly if your friends are settling down or starting families. Often this can trigger a range of emotions if marriage or children is something that you picture in your life, as the reality is age poses a bigger challenge for women than men. It can also feel difficult if your interests and activities differ from those that you are close to. Actively work on building a network of other single friends, as this is one of the best ways to not feel so alone in your single status. Many cities now have singles’ social groups/activities, where the focus is on meeting other successful, single professionals for friendship. If you really are wanting a relationship right now, make sure that you are putting yourself out there (this can involve taking some risks). Sitting at home on a Friday night or only socializing with coupled-up friends won’t necessarily expose you to optimal situations to meet other singles. Finally, put energy into learning new activities or building new experiences that bring you happiness and fulfillment (e.g., travel, sports, learning a new language) as this can contribute to having an overall balanced, fulfilling life until you meet that special someone. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Valentine’s Day 2021 – Celebrate Alone or With a Partner
The last twelve months have been incredibly challenging and for some of us, that has meant spending a lot more time alone or possibly some extra strain between you and your partner. Maybe you’ve been separated for extended periods of time due to quarantine and lockdown restrictions or maybe you’ve been stepping on each other’s toes both working from home. This may make Valentine’s Day 2021 a little bit more challenging. Valentine’s Day is approaching quickly and there may be some mixed feelings about it this year. For some, it might feel extra hard for those who are single. Couples may feel like they need the excuse to celebrate their love but are burdened by restrictions. So, why don’t we reimagine Valentine’s Day this year and get creative with how we spend it, regardless of whether or not we are in a relationship! Single on Valentine’s Day 2021 If you’re feeling bad about being single this Valentine’s Day, take a step back and remind yourself how challenging it has been to meet people this year. Be gentle with yourself. It might feel extra hard to be alone this Valentine’s Day particularly if you live alone and have been spending lots of time alone already in the past 12 months. But know that you’re not alone in this feeling. So, what can one do instead of dwelling on the feelings of loneliness? No matter how cliche it may sound, do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself or do something that makes you feel special. It really does work. (And this year, Valentine’s Day is on #SelfCareSunday). Have an at-home spa day, take a nice bubble bath with your favourite drink, take the time to do your 12 step skincare routine, light some scented candles and read a good book. Whatever it is, take the day to do something just for you. Also, consider taking a minute to boost your self-esteem. That not only means to remind yourself that you’re not alone in your feelings but also actively remind yourself of the reasons you are loveable. Consider writing down a few things you love about yourself so you can return to them throughout the day when you’re feeling down. If you’re feeling stuck, ask a few of your close friends what they appreciate about you (but do make sure to come up with a few of your own ideas). If you’re feeling like being alone all day is going to be too challenging, spend time with someone you love (virtually or in another safe manner). Remember there are so many different types of love and romantic love is not inherently more valuable. Creative Date Ideas for Valentine’s Day 2021 Get creative this year with the way you spend Valentine’s Day and do something special with your loved ones. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, just meaningful. You might be stuck at home but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun and spend some quality time together. Consider doing something you haven’t been doing together all quarantine to make the day special. Here are some ideas; 1 - Get out of the city and experience nature
2 - Make your favorite meal together. Or order in from your favourite restaurant or from that fancy place you never order from.
3 - Crack open your favorite drink, make some fancy cocktails, or dig out that fancy drink you've been cellaring.
4 - Have a self-care day together
5 - Do something creative together Final Thoughts Remember that Valentine’s Day is just another day. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel your feelings if you need to. Instead, get creative and find a nice way to spend the day regardless of whether or not you’re in a partnership or single. |
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