By Darby Eakins, CBT Therapist and certified Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Advisor The Slow Slide into Burnout: A Personal Story
The Crash At first, I was convinced I had food poisoning. Then, fatigue overtook me that was so intense I wondered if I was severely physically ill. “Could it be cancer?” For three days, I could do little more than move from my bed to the washroom and back. My body felt weighted down, I moved slowly, I had a hard time thinking in full sentences. Usually high energy, multi-tasking and energetic, I was a shell of my typical self. I was too tired to even watch Netflix. Sometimes I just stared out the window. Sometimes minutes crawled by. Other times, I lost hours that felt like a blink of the eye. I didn’t know what I wanted at any given moment. “Am I hungry?” (Shrug). “Am I sleepy?” (Shrug). And so it went. I did not cry, at least not at first. I did not have a panic attack. I did not do the things you see on TV when someone crashes and burns. I just stopped. My body would not let me move forward any longer. My brain felt like it was soaked in molasses. I was exhausted. But I was so exhausted, I couldn’t even muster the acknowledgement of my own exhaustion. I just stopped. Like a computer that gets overloaded and freezes, I needed a reboot. “What’s wrong with me? Could this be depression?” Ultimately, I was experiencing burnout (solidified by a trifecta of moral distress, vicarious trauma and compassion fatigue), and it took me 3 months before I was able to resume work again, and another many months to achieve optimal functioning afterward. A Slow BurnIn hindsight, I can see the flags waving to get me to notice what was happening, as I ground myself to a pulp trying to keep my high-wire juggling act going. It happens slowly. Starts with a little misstep here and there, a little lost sleep, a little extra stress, but every time I noticed I was off-balance, I made an excuse and brushed it aside. Have you ever been to one of those “build-your-own frozen yogurt” shops? Where you can select from a range of toppings to add? Have you ever got to the end and put your overloaded cup on the scale to see you owe $30. It was just coconut sprinkles at first, and then the berries, and then the chocolate…oooh, there’s candy! My burnout was like that. Each topping of stress, just a little on top until my cup was overloaded. First, I missed a couple of workouts. “Oh, I’ll get back on track after this big meeting.” Then I stopped running and working out entirely. Then, I stopped packing lunches, or even taking a lunch. Instead, grabbing whatever was fastest to stuff down between meetings. “Oh, this month has been busy, but it will be better next month.” Then I stopped taking breaks altogether. Then I started checking emails before and after work. Then responding to emails after the kids were in bed. Then taking calls and emails on weekends. Then saying “yes” to new projects. Then extending my work days to “catch up.” Then I stopped sleeping. Then I was working until 3 am some nights. Then I was actually trying to be in multiple places at once by responding to emails while on video conferences, or taking meetings in my car while I drove between cities. Just one more topping of stress on top of the other, constantly telling myself “oh it’s just a little on top.” The Tightrope ActI was so excited about a newly created management position, that I returned to work early from maternity leave when my second child was 7 months old. The scope was massive, the expectations high (and sometimes unclear, often shifting). I was up to the task. I was a brand new manager, leading a team of professionals in a subject matter that was new to me. I was up to the task. In the midst of this all, we purchased and moved into a new home with our two young sons – ages 1 and 4. By the end of my first year in the position, I was running several large scale projects, leading a team of professionals, and redesigning various program deliveries in a highly politicized context. I cared deeply about the work I was doing and told myself “eye on the prize” aiming to make a positive impact for the organization. Yet, I was still getting up multiple times in the night with my baby to nurse for the first year of my the position (often checking emails on my work phone, while my baby nursed). The more depleted I became, the more I rationalized. I didn’t know how to ask for help or what to do. I thought it was my own issue and I just needed to learn how to be a better manager. “It’s just a learning curve.” “The organization is just in a time of transition.” “Next month will be better.” “Toughen up.” “Get more efficient.” “Carve out more time.” “Be more productive with the time you have.” “Once this project is done, things will be better.” But I failed to realize that running at 150% at all times, with no balance in wellness is not sustainable. I failed to notice that with each passing month, things got worse, not better. The Perfect Storm No one thing caused me to experience burnout, but an accumulation of things resulted in the perfect storm for my crash: poor leadership and expectations, a lack of support for my growth and development, minimal recognition or reward, minimal involvement or influence, a workload that far exceeded my capacity, depleted harmony between my work and personal life, a sense of isolation and a culture that had constantly changing norms and values all combined with my high work ethic, deep passion for my work, and strong professional conscientiousness and perfectionism over time to completely deplete my resources. Rebooting I took time away from work, I rested, I healed, and I got better. The resources that helped me heal was an interdisciplinary support network, including a robust and well-organized disability management program, a supportive counsellor through the company’s Employee Family Assistance Program, a strong support from my family physician and my family support network, and subsequent leadership coaching provided to me when I returned to work. Almost 2 years after my burnout experience, I’ve now experienced the power of the National Psychological Safety Standard as a practitioner, but also as an employee who benefited from an effective recovery process after experiencing burnout. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
When we fight, I feel like my boyfriend’s goal is to “win” the argument. How can I help him realize this doesn’t help either of us? The answer: Disagreeing with loved ones (whether a partner, friend, or family member) is a normal part of every human relationship. In fact, we tend to argue more with those that are closer to us, often as they tend to see both the good and bad parts of us, they see us during times of stress, and often our defences are much lower with the people we love. Fighting with your partner can be really upsetting, and the frustration is further amplified when one or both partners feel the other is not “fighting fair.” Longterm success of your relationship really depends on how you fight – arguments are healthy when they are focused on coming to effective solutions (ideally) or agreeing to disagree. The reality is that often the way we fight is much more important to the quality of a relationship than what we fight about (many couples I see for couples treatment will recall precise details on the days, times and outcomes of arguments, but it is stunning how often they will forgot what started the fight or what they were fighting about!). I would first ask you to identify (for yourself) how your boyfriend’s style is unhelpful or ineffective. Try thinking of two or three recent arguments you had. Is he focusing on irrelevant issues/parts of the issue that created the disagreement? Is he inappropriately criticizing you? Is he bringing up issues from the past that are not tied to the issue at hand? Is he trying to intimidate you verbally or nonverbally (e.g., getting loud, inappropriate)? I would also ask you to identify what contribution you may be having to the argument that leads him to feel he needs to just focus on “winning”. For example, if he “loses” a fight is that brought up to him in the future? Is he reminded about it incessantly? Does he feel he needs to “win” to be heard? Then, have an open conversation with your boyfriend when you are getting along well, not in the middle of an argument. Start by letting him know that you feel your recent arguments have not ended up well, and that your hope is that the two of you either come to effective solutions or respectfully agree to disagree when you are fighting. Be specific about the things that you observe him to be doing that you think get in the way (don’t blame, just try to be very objective and specific, using examples). Let him know that you realize some of your behaviours may also be contributing (and again, be objective and specific about the things you do). Let him know that you care about him and you want both of you to come to more effective resolutions. Ask him if there are things he thinks you could do differently during arguments. Then make an action plan – where both of you agree to specifically change one or two things about how you approach your next argument. Remember: all communication is bidirectional, and both individuals in an argument play a part in the end result. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth Sleep difficulties are increasingly common these days given the fast-paced world we are living in. There can be multiple contributors to sleep difficulties – and determining the cause of sleep challenges is the first step in finding a solution. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a sleep diary. So, let’s talk about how to keep an effective sleep diary. Why keep a sleep diary? A sleep diary can be a helpful tool in the process of getting better sleep. It allows you to learn about your sleep patterns and habits, keep you proactive about your sleep, as well as potentially help your health care professional diagnose and treat any sleep disorders. It also provides a unique opportunity to track your sleep treatment and improvements over time. So, how do you keep an effective sleep diary? How to Keep a Sleep Diary The sleep diary should be filled out every morning, within approximately an hour of waking, based on the previous night’s sleep. Setting a reminder on your phone can help – and keep the recording simple, such as keeping a notes file on your smartphone. It’s okay if you miss a day but try to be as consistent as possible. If there’s anything irregular that might affect your sleep – like illness or an emergency, just add a note to that day. When recording information in the diary an approximation is okay. Don’t worry too much about getting every detail exactly right – for example, don’t clock-watch while you’re in bed. Excessive worry can have a negative impact on our sleep. What should be recorded in the diary?There are some things you should regularly record for the most effective sleep diary:
Keep it as simple as possible! An effective sleep diary shouldn’t be a make-work project; since our lives are busy, we should do everything we can to make recording these details as easy as possible. There are many templates you can easily find online via a quick google search of ‘sleep diary’. You can also keep notes on your smartphone as an alternative. One way to make the recording as easy as possible is to have these categories laid out ahead of time so all you have to do is fill in the details. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth Most people have heard of CBT therapy, but how many really know what it is? Don’t worry if you don’t, it’s one of those things that’s fairly challenging to describe. So, here I am going to break it down for you. I will discuss cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT therapy), what it is and how it’s techniques can be used in our day to day lives.
So – WHAT IS CBT? CBT is a talk-therapy that works on changing or modifying our emotions – or things that create distress – by focusing on our cognitions or thoughts (C) and our behaviour (B). Emotions are often hard to change in the moment. However, with practice, we can get good at changing our behaviours and thoughts, even when emotions are strong. CBT is not about brainwashing or rewiring our thinking. It’s also not about positive or excessively optimistic thinking. It’s about realistic thinking. When we’re stressed, anxious or depressed we tend to do a number of predictable things in terms of the way we think. Some of these include:
CBT helps us revise and refine our thoughts so they’re more accurate, and helps us draw awareness toward our behaviour so that we aren’t inadvertently reinforcing those thoughts. 3 ways to incorporate CBT techniques into your daily life 1: Increase awareness of thoughts now. Research says we have tens of thousands of thoughts a day – and most are automatic. This works well otherwise we’d be in sensory overload – but not so well if we have unhealthy or unhelpful ways of thinking. If the unhealthy or unhelpful ways of thinking become ingrained, they can have a powerful and negative impact on us. Becoming more aware of the thoughts we are having is the first step in changing them, or at least changing how we feel about or react to them. 2: Engage in the opposite action of what your natural urge is when stressed. This is a behavioural technique that is really helpful for changing our mood states. This is the case because our natural urges point us in the direction of short term coping mechanisms that aren’t necessarily healthy in the long term. How does this work?
3: Focus on things you can control – behaviour and thoughts – and keep in mind emotional changes will lag behind. Final Thoughts There is a very strong evidence base on the benefits of CBT for dealing with a range of psychological health conditions – whether it’s general stress or a condition such as anxiety, depression, addiction, or disordered eating. If you think CBT may be helpful for you, I encourage you to read more about it – we have tons of free resources on our website. Remember: Our thoughts matter. Our perception is our reality. Changing and revising & refining those thoughts can strongly impact how we feel. Considering taking that first step today? Good for you, that’s a big step to take. You can easily start by contacting the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic today. A little more unsure? Or don’t feel like you have enough time? Consider virtual (online) counselling as an alternative to traditional online therapy. All of our associates are trained in cognitive behavioural therapy as well as other therapy methods. By Marissa Bowsfield, M.A, CBT Therapist and member of the Canadian Sex Research Forum Negative Body Image is Common
With the summer months upon us and the warmer weather beckoning us outside, many of us may have anxious thoughts and worries about our bodies. Not about our body’s important functions – but rather how it looks. We may have thoughts like, “I’m not in good enough shape” or “I don’t want people to see my stomach at the beach” or even, “I’m disgusting”. Body image is a psychological characteristic that reflects an individual’s satisfaction with their body and the emotions that are experienced in relation to their body. We all have a sense of body image and it can range from very negative to very positive. Unfortunately, negative body image is widespread and does not discriminate. Although negative body image has historically been considered a “women’s” issue, research conducted in more recent years suggests that women, men, and non-binary or transgender individuals all experience negative body image. Furthermore, people of all different shapes, sizes, and body compositions can experience significant issues with body image. Generally, negative body image is theorized to arise from narrow, socially prescribed body ideals for women (e.g., historically this has been the “thin ideal” and more recently it is becoming more of a “fit ideal” or “toned ideal”, although thinness is still privileged) and men (e.g., muscular, lean). When people endorse these ideals and compare their own bodies against them, they are likely to experience a relatively negative body image. Negative Body Image Elicits Anxiety Anticipating summer and seeing all of those “Get Your Summer Body!” headlines popping up may increase our dissatisfaction and worry about our bodies. They cause us to focus on, and evaluate, our physical appearance against unrealistic body ideals. Indeed, people tend to be the most worried about their bodies, and experience associated negative emotions, like shame, in situations wherein the body is particularly salient or is “on display”. Given this reality, there are many situations that have absolutely nothing to do with summer or swimsuits that may cause people to experience anxious thoughts and negative emotions about their bodies. A prime example that likely comes to mind is partnered sexual activity, which is obviously not just a summer activity! Sexual activity is inherently focused on the body and requires a certain level of body exposure to another person or persons. Thus, it may trigger very high levels of anxiety, especially for people who experience negative body image. What might this mean for our sexual relationships? Body Image and Sexual Relationships Recent research suggests that people who have a negative body image may be especially anxious during sex and this anxiety may manifest in different ways to interfere with their sexual enjoyment. First, they may find that their mind is preoccupied with thoughts about their body and what their partner might think of it during sex – so much so, that it is difficult to enjoy the experience. Second, people who have a negative body image may want to keep certain pieces of clothing on during sex or only have sex with the lights off, they may not want their partner to touch them in specific places, or they may be inclined to avoid sex altogether. These strategies are designed to manage the anxiety, but instead, they serve to prevent people from fully enjoying sexual activity by interfering with sexual arousal, impeding orgasm, or simply taking focus away from the pleasurable sensations that occur during sex. Importantly, the anxiety that people experience during sex as a result of their negative body image also has negative consequences for partners. If we think about how anxiety can manifest during sex – either in preoccupied thoughts about the body, behaviours to limit body exposure, or both – we can imagine how partners may be affected. If an individual is unwilling to engage in certain behaviours or to allow a partner to see their body (with the lights on!) during sex, or they simply seem distracted, the partner may have a rather unfulfilling sexual experience. Final Thoughts and Tips for Improving Body Image This may seem like a discouraging situation. However, we can look at it another way: What might be relatively simple and effective ways for people to improve their own and their partner’s sex lives? Well, good first steps are to work to improve body image, to be less critical of ourselves and our partners, and to manage anxiety during sex (e.g., using mindfulness techniques). Improving these areas may lead to more pleasurable, fun, and satisfying sexual experiences where the focus is on sensation, intimacy, and mutual enjoyment, rather than on worry over physical imperfections. Some tips for improving body image include:
Marissa Bowsfield, M.A. is a senior Doctoral Student in the Clinical Psychology Program at Simon Fraser University (SFU) where she is training to become a Registered Psychologist. She completed her B.A. (Hons.) at SFU in 2014 and her M.A. (Clinical Psychology) in 2017, and received the Canadian Psychological Association's Award for Academic Excellence. She is also a recipient of the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada’s Graduate Scholarship and conducts research on intimate relationships and human sexuality, including issues around body image in sexual relationships. Reach out through our contact page for more information or to book an appointment. |
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