Why Practice Mindfulness – “I’m not good at it but I practice it anyway”

Have you heard about mindfulness but are skeptical? Maybe you imagine mindfulness as meditation. You know the image we conjure, a person sitting cross-legged on the floor saying ‘ohm’, completely still and not thinking about anything. That’s not what mindfulness is! So, let’s talk about mindfulness, why I feel like I’m not very good at it but why I practice it anyway.
 
What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment in order to prevent us from ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. It’s not an attempt to completely remove our thoughts but be aware of the things happening in the current moment. Think- being with ourselves and actually feeling our feelings.
 
Why mindfulness is hard?

One of the reasons I think mindfulness is hard is because we generally have an unrealistic expectation of what mindfulness is. Also, most people (myself included) don’t want to be bad at things and mindfulness is a skill you need to practice.

I was first encouraged to engage in mindfulness practice when I started dialectic behavioural therapy (DBT). I’d heard of it before (at the time I was a psychology student in university) but I was skeptical about it being effective.

The first exercise I was encouraged to do was a breathing exercise (which is very common with mindfulness practices, and I will talk a little bit more about later). The first handful of times I tried it, in many different variations, it was unsuccessful. Why? Because I was so fixated on being good at it that I missed the entire point of the practice. Rather than simply paying attention to my breath I was worried I was failing at it because I couldn’t breathe in or out for the total count they suggested. So, instead of being present I was focused on thoughts like ‘why am I so bad at this?’ and it actually made me feel more anxious.

The first time I tried mindfulness was 2015, I believe, which is five years ago. I still practice mindfulness now and to be honest I don’t feel like I’m that much better at it.
 
Why Practice Mindfulness

Anxiety. 

I am an anxious person. I continually worry about things that’ve happened in the past, ruminating about small embarrassing moments and taking things people say out of context that convinces me they obviously hate me (they don’t!). On top of that, I spend an equal amount of time worrying about the things that could happen in the future. For me, something like simply test anxiety can turn into spirally thoughts. For example, that I’ll never graduate, or get a decent job, so I might as well quit now as my life is practically already over. Even though past evidence suggests this is untrue and will continue to be untrue. At the beginning of my time in therapy, I didn’t realize how much this prevented me from truly engaging with the present.

Mindfulness works for anxiety. Despite all the research that says mindfulness works, I swore it didn’t for a very long time. Unfortunately, it just took a lot of practice and finding a way to engage with mindfulness in a way that made sense for me. (Not every way of practicing mindfulness is going to work for everyone).

When we’re anxious, regardless of what we are anxious about, we get into our fight-flight-or-freeze response (our stress response). Mindfulness helps to break us out of that. One of the things we likely notice first when we start to feel anxious is our increased heart rate, engaging in a mindful practice helps to control our breathing which reduces our heart rate.
 
What Mindfulness Practices Work for Me 

THE BASIC

My go-to mindfulness practice is very basic. I use it when I notice myself getting fixated on particular thoughts or my thoughts are in an escalating feedback loop.
I make sure to put away all distractions like my phone and my laptop. Sit in a comfortable position and close my eyes (I get too distracted by things in my environment but closing your eyes is not essential). Then pay attention to my breathing. I do not try to change my breathing, I just pay attention to it. While doing, it’s important to notice when thoughts enter your mind but let them go without judgement. For me, it’s helpful to say (or think) something like ‘this is just a thought I’m having’.
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When my fight or flight is engaged, and I am feeling less in control of my anxiety, I generally require a more focused mindfulness practice such as focused breathing or body scan. This gives my brain a little bit more to focus on which can sometimes help.

FOCUSED BREATHING

A focused breathing exercise requires a person to pay more attention to their breath as well as controlling it.

One of the ways to do this is four stage breathing. The goal is to make each full breath last at least 10 seconds – 5 seconds on the inhale, and 5 seconds on the exhale. You do so by breaking each inhale and exhale into two parts: On the first inhale, fill up most of your lungs; on the second inhale, think about ‘topping up’ your lungs with air. On the first exhale, push out most of the air, and on the second exhale, think about fully emptying your lungs.

This works better for me than some breathing techniques because there is less focus on counting which always throws me off and makes me feel like I’m failing.

BODY SCAN

I start in the same position as my basic mindfulness practice but ideally sitting on a comfortable chair with my feet on the floor. Then, while taking slow controlling breaths, I start at my feet and pay attention to all the sensations in each part of my body and then consciously think. For example, I think about how my feet feel inside my socks, how they feel pressed up against the floor and I may even wiggle them. Then move up my legs to my calves then my thighs, etc.

Final Thoughts

These are by no means the only ways to practice mindfulness, but they’re a decent place to start. Just remember that mindfulness works, but it takes practice. Don’t get discouraged; find something that works for you and try practicing it every day, not just when you’re feeling anxious.

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Loving-Kindness Meditation – Meditation for Self-Compassion

Meditation practices can seem intimidating but they don’t have to be. While many of us may think the point of meditation is complete stillness and thoughtlessness, that’s not the case. The goal of this meditation practice is self-compassion (learn more about self-compassion here), it’s a guided practice that focuses on the ways we can include ourselves in our circle of kindness. But before we get into the practice, let’s talk about what meditation is. 

What is meditation? There are countless definitions, approaches, techniques and schools of practice relating to meditation. However, at its core, meditation is a mental exercise that involves quieting the mind with simultaneous concentrated focus (typically on the breath or a mantra) for the purpose of attaining an enhanced state of inner awareness. 

What’s the difference between mindfulness and meditation? Counsellors and psychologists often speak about mindfulness, and others use these two terms interchangeably. Mindfulness and meditation are related but they aren’t the same thing. 

Mindfulness is about being aware, and psychologically present, in the moment. It focuses on paying attention to your present thoughts, feelings, urges and behaviours. Mindfulness can be practiced informally at any time and is often paired with simple breathing exercises. 

Mindfulness can be used in conjunction with meditation practices and can certainly help those new to meditation begin the process. 

How to Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation for Self-Compassion 

The goal of this meditation practice is to bring your awareness to the value of kindness and the importance of bringing yourself into your circle of kindness. 

Get into a comfortable position as you would with any mindfulness or meditation practice. Close your eyes full or partially and take a few deep breaths to settle in your body and into the present moment. 

Then put your hands over your heart to remind yourself you’re bringing not only your attention, but loving attention, to your experience. Feel the warmth of your hands, the gentle pressure of your hands, and feel how your chest rises and falls beneath your hands with every breath. 

Then bring your mind to a person or other living thing that makes you smile. This could be a child, your grandmother, your cat or dog – whomever naturally brings you happiness. Perhaps it’s even the bird outside your window. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in the presence of that being. Allow yourself to enjoy the good company.

Then, recognize how vulnerable this loved one is – just like you, subject to sickness, aging, and death. Also, this being wishes to be happy and free from suffering, just like you and every other living being. Repeat softly and gently, feeling the importance of your words; 
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful.
May you be healthy.
May you live with ease. 

Remember that if you notice your mind wandering, slowly bring your attention back to the words and the image of the loved one you have in mind. Savour any warm feelings that may arise. If you have the time, go slowly. 

Then, add yourself to your circle of goodwill. Put your hand over your heart and feel the warmth and gentle pressure of your hand, saying:
May you and I be safe.
May you and I be peaceful.
May you and I be healthy. 
May you and I live with ease. 

Visualize your whole body in your mind, notice any stress or uneasiness that may be lingering within you, and offer kindness to yourself.
May I be safe.
May I be peaceful.
May I be healthy. 
May I live with ease. 

Then take a few breaths to just rest and sit quietly in your own body, savouring the goodwill and compassion you’ve found. Know that you can return to these phrases anytime you wish. 

Gently return back to the room, open your eyes if you closed them and enjoy the rest of your day. 

If you can, take the time to reflect on how this meditation practice impacted self-compassion. Did it feel weird to include yourself in your circle of kindness? Did you experience some resistance? If you were able to get past that, how did it feel? What were the impacts of providing yourself with self-compassion? 

Final Thoughts on Meditation for Self-Compassion

​Although meditation is a great way to practice self-compassion, it isn’t the only way. If you’re struggling with meditation, first we recommend being gentle with yourself and continuing to practice. Learning these skills that’s time and patience – remember that it’s okay for your mind to wander, if this happens simply notice and gently bring it back.

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The Psychological Benefits of Mindfulness: How to practice Mindfulness

“Eyes watching. Ears listening. Voices quiet. Body still.” – These words said by a wise kindergarten teacher to her 5-year-old students perfectly embodies the essence of mindfulness.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness – very simply – involves increasing our attention and awareness to the present moment – the here and now. And continuing to draw it back to that present moment each and every time our attention drifts. Mindfulness is something all of us have many experiences with, often throughout the course of each day. We just aren’t mindful – of being mindful!

So when are we naturally mindful? We are mindful when we are present, engaged, when our mind is on the task at hand, and when we are immersed in what we are doing with all of our senses. Most of us are naturally mindful when we are engaging in an activity or creative pursuit we love – during a focused, intense workout; when we are creating art; when we are freely dancing around to music; and when we are making love, just to name a few. 

However, when we are under stress, demands, or dealing with mood issues, we are much less likely to naturally be mindful.

Science tells us that being intentionally and actively mindful has so many positive benefits on our psychological health.These include, but are not limited to:

• reduction of stress
• reduced rumination
• decreased symptoms of depression & anxiety
• less emotional reactivity & more effective emotion regulation
• increased focus
• enhanced cognitive flexibility
• improved working memory

Mindfulness is a skill that we can learn to foster, enhance and implement across all areas of our life.

How to practice Mindfulness

There are many different ways to practice mindfulness and not every way is going to work for every person. So, give a few different methods a try and find what works best for you. And remember that practice does make perfect. It won’t be easy at first, but the more you practice the more your skills will improve, and the easier time you will have being mindful in stressful situations. 

Focus on Your Breathing

A great, and simple, way to start practicing mindfulness is to focus on your breathing. This is something you can do almost anywhere. You don’t have to do a breathing exercise – just take a deep breath and pay attention to that breath and nothing else. 

Ideally, you can be in a comfortable seated position. Focus on how your breaths feel moving in and out of your body without attempting to change them. Notice when your thoughts start to wander and bring it back to your breath. 

At first, you can start by just doing this for a few minutes, but as your skills improve you can increase the length of time you do this.

Mindful Eating

This is another mindfulness activity you can easily build into your day-to-day routine. Because most of us have such busy lives these days, we often rush through our meals or combine eating with other activities, like eating at our desk while we work – or eating in front of the TV in the evening. Mealtimes are the perfect time to take a minute and slow down. 

Next time you have a little extra time for your meal, sit down and eat mindfully without any other distractions. Mindful eating consists of being present and engaging all of your senses.  Slow down, sense and savour your food and even smile between bites if you are so inclined! Purposefully slow down. Use all your senses to see, touch, smell, and really taste your food.

Structured Mindfulness Practices

If you would like a little more structured mindfulness exercises and have a few minutes you can put aside to practice, give one of these two meditation approaches a try. Don’t be off-put by the use of the term meditation. Mindfulness and meditation practices while different, have some overlap.

The exercises below are meant to help you to feel present in your body – and are different than the stereotypical cross-legged practice many people think of when they hear meditation.

1. Body scan meditation. Lie on your back with your legs extended and arms at your sides, palms facing up. Focus your attention slowly and deliberately on each part of your body, in order, from toe to head or head to toe. Be aware of any sensations, emotions or thoughts associated with each part of your body.

2. Walking meditation. Find a quiet place 10 to 20 feet in length, and begin to walk slowly. Focus on the experience of walking, being aware of the sensations of standing and the subtle movements that keep your balance. When you reach the end of your path, turn and continue walking, maintaining awareness of your sensations.

Final Thoughts

MBSR (Mindfulness-based stress reduction) and MBCT (Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy) are evidence-based treatments for stress, anxiety and depression which combine CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) with mindfulness approaches. These are modalities of treatment that all of our clinicians are familiar with and often incorporate into treatment.
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If you have been thinking about seeing a therapist and would like one with these skills, I encourage you to take that first step starting today. Contact Dr. Joti Samra, R.Psych. & Associates today and start on the path to finding the right fit for you!

​The practice of mindfulness offers a plethora of benefits to a child’s growing mind and body. Mindful practices allow them to unplug and check-in with themselves. Through this process of checking in, children begin to have a better understanding and ability to cope with their emotions and feelings. It also helps them with noticing the positives, developing a sense of appreciation, and feelings of gratitude. So, let’s talk about mindfulness for children and how parents can help teach their children to practice mindfulness (as well as improve their own mindfulness skills).

​As a busy parent, you’re likely often short on time but that doesn’t mean you have to skip the mindfulness practice. Try one of these right before bed or take a moment to pause while you’re out and about.

Belly Breathing

• Place a pillow or favourite stuffed animal on your child’s tummy 
• Encourage them to breathe deep into their belly while inhaling and exhaling slowly: their tummy should move up on the inhale, and down on the exhale 
• Belly breathing may feel different to them as usually we breathe into our chests, but this will start to relax them 
• Perfect activity for right before bed 

Finger Counting Breaths 

• Have your child make gentle fists with both hands, with each breath have them uncurl a finger (E.g., inhale slowly, then on the exhale release a thumb) 
• Continue until all fingers on both hands have been released

Be Aware of Your Surroundings

• Teach your child to take a moment to appreciate their surroundings 
• Admire a particularly beautiful leaf while walking to school, a newborn baby at the grocery store, or the smell of a fresh hot chocolate

​When you have a bit more time you can try one of these longer mindfulness practices for children.

Of course, mindfulness is just as important for parents as it is for children. So, while learning about mindfulness for children it’s also important to keep in mind that we should all be practicing our mindfulness techniques. Here are some practices you can do together with your children, or as a whole family.

​Share a three breath hug

• While hugging your child, take three deep breaths together 
• Relax your shoulders and any other muscles that feel tight 
• Be present in the moment with your child 
• This is great for good-bye hugs in the morning or just for fun!

Establish a Gratitude Practice

• Use this technique to encourage your child (and your whole family!) to reflect on the abundance they have in their lives 
• This could be done by going around the dinner table and reflecting on one thing you are grateful for

Yoga 

• Stretching, moving, and feeling present in the body can be very grounding for children (and people of all ages!) 
• Try getting outside and practicing some poses or even in your living room
• There are many great online resources for child-friendly practices:
  • www.yogajournal.com/poses/yoga-for/kids/
  • www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZpkRAcgws4
  • www.youtube.com/channel/UC5uIZ2KOZZeQDQo_Gsi_qbQ
  • www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XCQfYsFa3Q

Check Your ‘Personal Weather’ Report

• Ask your child if they were weather, what type of weather would they be 
• For example, cloudy, sunny, snowing, rainy, cloudy, windy 
• Go around the dinner table and ask everyone in the family!