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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Loving-Kindness Meditation – Meditation for Self-Compassion
Meditation practices can seem intimidating but they don’t have to be. While many of us may think the point of meditation is complete stillness and thoughtlessness, that’s not the case. The goal of this meditation practice is self-compassion (learn more about self-compassion here), it’s a guided practice that focuses on the ways we can include ourselves in our circle of kindness. But before we get into the practice, let’s talk about what meditation is. What is meditation? There are countless definitions, approaches, techniques and schools of practice relating to meditation. However, at its core, meditation is a mental exercise that involves quieting the mind with simultaneous concentrated focus (typically on the breath or a mantra) for the purpose of attaining an enhanced state of inner awareness. What’s the difference between mindfulness and meditation? Counsellors and psychologists often speak about mindfulness, and others use these two terms interchangeably. Mindfulness and meditation are related but they aren’t the same thing. Mindfulness is about being aware, and psychologically present, in the moment. It focuses on paying attention to your present thoughts, feelings, urges and behaviours. Mindfulness can be practiced informally at any time and is often paired with simple breathing exercises. Mindfulness can be used in conjunction with meditation practices and can certainly help those new to meditation begin the process. How to Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation for Self-Compassion The goal of this meditation practice is to bring your awareness to the value of kindness and the importance of bringing yourself into your circle of kindness. Get into a comfortable position as you would with any mindfulness or meditation practice. Close your eyes full or partially and take a few deep breaths to settle in your body and into the present moment. Then put your hands over your heart to remind yourself you’re bringing not only your attention, but loving attention, to your experience. Feel the warmth of your hands, the gentle pressure of your hands, and feel how your chest rises and falls beneath your hands with every breath. Then bring your mind to a person or other living thing that makes you smile. This could be a child, your grandmother, your cat or dog – whomever naturally brings you happiness. Perhaps it’s even the bird outside your window. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in the presence of that being. Allow yourself to enjoy the good company. Then, recognize how vulnerable this loved one is – just like you, subject to sickness, aging, and death. Also, this being wishes to be happy and free from suffering, just like you and every other living being. Repeat softly and gently, feeling the importance of your words; May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. Remember that if you notice your mind wandering, slowly bring your attention back to the words and the image of the loved one you have in mind. Savour any warm feelings that may arise. If you have the time, go slowly. Then, add yourself to your circle of goodwill. Put your hand over your heart and feel the warmth and gentle pressure of your hand, saying: May you and I be safe. May you and I be peaceful. May you and I be healthy. May you and I live with ease. Visualize your whole body in your mind, notice any stress or uneasiness that may be lingering within you, and offer kindness to yourself. May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be healthy. May I live with ease. Then take a few breaths to just rest and sit quietly in your own body, savouring the goodwill and compassion you’ve found. Know that you can return to these phrases anytime you wish. Gently return back to the room, open your eyes if you closed them and enjoy the rest of your day. If you can, take the time to reflect on how this meditation practice impacted self-compassion. Did it feel weird to include yourself in your circle of kindness? Did you experience some resistance? If you were able to get past that, how did it feel? What were the impacts of providing yourself with self-compassion? Final Thoughts on Meditation for Self-Compassion Although meditation is a great way to practice self-compassion, it isn’t the only way. If you’re struggling with meditation, first we recommend being gentle with yourself and continuing to practice. Learning these skills that’s time and patience – remember that it’s okay for your mind to wander, if this happens simply notice and gently bring it back. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  As humans, virtually all of our traits – even the ones we value – can cause difficulties in particular situations. For example, being sensitive and having strong emotional reactions is not in and of itself problematic – these traits also lead us to be high empathy and experience joyfulness and happiness.
However, being high in interpersonal sensitivity can make us more sensitive in our reactions to benign joking or teasing. This can directly impact our self-esteem and our relationships with others (like those doing the joking, for example). While we may not be able – or even want – to completely change these traits, we are often able to make conscious decisions that help us deal with these situations better. Where does sensitivity come from? Any personality trait or attribute exists along a continuum, and we all tend to have a set-point range where we fall along that continuum. The contributing factors are multiple, and ultimately a combination of nature and nurture:
Being sensitive is neither bad nor good, it just is There are great things that come along with being sensitive – sensitive people are more likely to experience intense positive emotions, tend to connect with others’ emotional experiences on a deeper level, are more attuned to changes in others’ moods, and have a strong ability to empathize with others. However, there are also downsides to being highly sensitive and emotional. Sensitive people are more likely to personalize things, interpret things with negative intent when it may not exist, and overreact negatively to what may be a perceived insult. They are also likely to ruminate over things that have been said or done by others, have a hard time letting go of the past, and experience deeper hurt when it comes to conflict in interpersonal relationships. Our thoughts shape our reactions When it comes to our emotional reactions, the single most important factor that shapes how we react is our thoughts and interpretations about the situation. If you are walking down the street, wave to an acquaintance you recently met at a party who ignores you, and think “I must have said something she didn’t like when we met” you are likely going to react negatively. If instead, you think (as people who are high in emotional resilience would) “she didn’t recognize me, seeing me here is out of context” or “she looked preoccupied with a phone call she was on” you will probably have little to no emotional reaction. So, how can we have better control over our emotional reactions, particularly as they relate to emotional sensitivity? 1. Identify the automatic thoughts and interpretations that come up for you in a particular trigger situation. What are you thinking, perceiving and believing? Be as specific as possible. 2. Ask yourself a few key questions:
3. Actively work on replacing the automatic negative/personalized thoughts with thoughts that are more accurate to the situation, based on a review of all of the evidence. A core part of our life’s work is to continue to build awareness of who we are, recognize the patterns and behaviours we engage in that may be negatively impacting us or those around us, and work to continually improve areas of weakness. The goal is not to do away with fundamental elements that make you who you are, but rather to embrace those attributes in a way that the positives are maximized and the negatives are minimized so that you are living an overall happier life. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Breathing Exercises to Manage Stress
Breathing exercises can be very helpful tools for managing symptoms when our “fight-flight-freeze” stress response is triggered. And the great thing about breathing techniques is they’re easy – once we master the steps. One of my go-to breathing exercises, which we teach to many clients in our clinical practice group, is “four stage breathing”. This is a variant of the more common box breathing approach. Both can be equally effective approaches – it’s just about finding a style that works for you! What is Four Stage Breathing? Four stage breathing is a type of breathing technique that slows down our breathing actively and intentionally. It’s called four stage breathing as there are – surprise! – four stages to each full breath: two parts to the inhale, and two parts to the exhale. Why do breathing exercises work? And why is it important? Stress triggers our “fight-flight-freeze” response and when this response is triggered, we tend to shallow breathe. So why is shallow breathing a problem? Shallow breathing can lead to a whole host of physiological symptoms – including for example, changes in body temperature, lightheadedness or dizziness, or feelings of derealization or depersonalization (where distance/perception can be altered). These symptoms can mimic anxiety – and so shallow breathing can inadvertently make subjective feelings of anxiety or stress worse. Four stage breathing helps anxiety by providing control over the physiological symptoms – and this, in turn, helps calm the emotional symptoms. The Technique: How to do Four Stage Breathing First, ensure you are breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. This naturally slows down the pace of our breathing. Second, make each full breath last at least 10 seconds – 5 seconds on the inhale, and 5 seconds on the exhale. Break each inhale and exhale into two parts: On the first inhale, fill up most of your lungs; on the second inhale, think about ‘topping up’ your lungs with air. On the first exhale, push out most of the air, and on the second exhale think about fully emptying your lungs. This helps to maximize our lung capacity. Repeat this cycle for 3-5 minutes. When you are first learning four stage breathing, it’s important to practice when you are already relatively calm or feeling low stress – this can help build mastery. Then, over time, use it as a tool when you feel your stress or anxiety increasing. How I incorporate Four Stage Breathing into my life
There is a very strong evidence-base on the benefits of breathing to reduce the frequency and intensity of the physiological symptoms associated with stress and anxiety-related. I encourage you to try four stage breathing regularly for a week – just a handful of times a day, for just a handful of minutes at a time and see how you feel. Remember: when we are experiencing stress, the best thing we can do is focus on the things within our domain of control and breathing is one of them. |
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