By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I keep having violent dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night. What’s going on? The answer: We don’t understand very well why we dream, whether dreams have meaning, and why some people have vivid dreams, while others rarely can remember having a dream at all. We do know from studies that look at dream content that we tend to consistently have and remember more negative dreams than positive ones. Some theories suggest that there is an adaptive function to having threatening dreams – it helps us simulate threatening events and situations (in a safe environment) with the result of helping us be more cognitively prepared for threats when they come up in real life. There are a few reasons you may be having violent dreams. It may be that you are currently under a high level stress or that you are (or feel you may be) in a threatening situation that you need to get out of. Consider the current stressors in your life and think about ways you can get help with these difficulties. Individuals who have experienced traumatic events (abuse, assault, life-threatening situations including accidents or illnesses) are at higher risk for having nightmares. A mental health professional can help you work past traumas. Violent dreams can also be the result of a sleep disorder, known as parasomnia. Speak to your family physician if you are having recurrent violent dreams as an overnight sleep study, called a polysomnography, may be helpful to determine the cause. Finally, side effects of a number of medications can include violent dreams and nightmares (as many medications affect the stage of sleep in which we dream – the REM, or rapid eye movement, stage). Changing medications or dosages may help to solve the problem. Independent of the specific cause, there are a number of pre-sleep rituals that may help minimize the intensity or frequency of your violent dreams. Try to minimize talking or thinking about stressful situations before bed. Relaxation or meditation strategies can help to slow your mind and body down. Have a warm bath, or listen to soothing music to distract your mind. Avoid reading books or watching TV or movies with upsetting content. If you are woken by a violent dream, get out of bed and practice some deep breathing and do something relaxing, such as listening to soothing music or having a warm glass of milk, before you get back into bed. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I am a 30-year-old successful female, dating a guy who doesn’t seem to be too serious about us. I don’t want to waste more time on casual relationships, but I don’t want to come off sounding like I am desperate or crazy. My question is how do you assess whether a guy is interested in the traditional marriage, kids, moving in together routine without scaring the heck out of him and send him running for the hills? The answer: Asking him directly is much better than trying to somehow assess what he is thinking! The very simple answer to your question is to talk to him: ask, matter-of-factly what he pictures in terms of a relationship right now. If he is at a place in his life where he knows what he wants, he will directly answer questions about marriage and kids without getting scared away in the least. Now, there are a few more elements to your question that make the “simple answer” one that you should pause on for a minute before asking. You say you don’t want to “waste” more time on casual relationships, which suggests that you have a sense of urgency to change your situation. I would ask yourself sincerely whether you feel that you are in fact at a stage in your life where you actually want to have a more significant relationship, or if you are being driven by wanting something (anything) that is the opposite of the life you have been living. It may sound like semantics, but it is an important question to clarify in your mind. Secondly, you seem to already have some valuable insight that is helping you to answer your question: you say that the relationship doesn’t seem to be too serious, and that it also doesn’t seem that it will become that way. I would pay attention to the pieces of information that are leading you to feel this way. I would trust the feelings that you are having, as they are likely coming from a range of sources (both what he is or has conveyed verbally, and his actions). It is human nature to want to try to impose an ideal picture of what you would like to see in a relationship (while ignoring some other clear signs that give you the opposite message). Although things could certainly change, the feelings that you are having right now are probably an important sign of something important you are picking up on, so don’t ignore these. You sound like a driven individual and I wonder if you view your personal life similar to the way you have viewed your work life (i.e., set a goal and then tick off achieving it). It may be that you need to consider the way you are approaching your relationship goals and perhaps take a slightly different strategy, as there is a strong return on investment for you to be devote time into finding the right partner for you (this is not, contrary to your current feeling, a “waste” of time in the least). And, it may sound cliché, but the right partner for you will not be scared off by candid questions about their picture for a long-term relationship. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The Effects of Chronic Sleep Deprivation: Why We Shouldn’t Run a Sleep Debt
Most of us have probably heard the saying, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” This phrase is typically used by those who are living busy lives and are proud of themselves for continuing to hustle. They often prioritize getting ahead in life over the detrimental effects of lack of sleep. Sometimes this phrase is turned into a word of advice, “You can sleep when you’re dead” – but this type of advice could actually be deadly. Here we are going to discuss the effects of chronic sleep deprivation. Many of us think we can get away with less and less sleep – and we certainly can, for a few days or even a few weeks. However, when we go extended periods without catching up on our sleep, there’s a detrimental impact on our physical and emotional health. Sleep is an essential part of our ability to function. During sleep, our body physiologically heals itself and restores its chemical and hormonal balance. Our brain forges new connections and this helps with memory retention. Sleep isn’t a luxury and each time we don’t get enough sleep we are racking up our sleep debt. What is sleep debt? Sleep debt, or chronically running a sleep deficit, is the cumulative effect of not getting enough sleep. People often use the phrase sleep debt to make a comparison to banking. When we don’t get enough sleep, our sleep account becomes overdrawn and we’re required to attempt to make it up. The more sleep debt we accumulate, the more challenging it becomes to repay. According to one study, it can take four days to fully recover from one hour of lost sleep. Making up sleep debt Unfortunately, even though we often refer to it as sleep debt, sleep doesn’t actually work as a bank does. We aren’t able to store up sleep surplus in anticipation of getting less sleep, and we are unable to make up sleep debt indefinitely. https://youtu.be/a-h9Vv5kD0s How to Manage Sleep Debt So, what’s the best way of managing sleep debt? When it comes to our health, prevention is always the best method. So, we should all be aiming for 6 to 9 hours of sleep a night – most nights. We can achieve this by engaging in good sleep hygiene and having a consistent sleep routine. If we’re getting a less-than-ideal number of hours of sleep, we generally shouldn’t go more than a few days without allowing ourselves to ‘catch-up’. What does catching up look like? We allow ourselves a night or two to sleep as much as we need – which should be achieved by getting into bed earlier than usual (rather than excessively sleeping in). One of the important aspects of sleep hygiene is having a consistent sleep schedule in terms of wake and bedtime – and yes, even on the weekends. If we consistently wrack up a small sleep debt over the week and attempt to repay it over the weekend it affects our sleep rhythm. For example, if we work M-F, and sleep in on Saturday and Sunday – this makes it more challenging to go to bed at the appropriate time Sunday. It will also likely affect how we feel when we wake up Monday – and this can lead to a snowball effect in terms of negatively impacting our sleep cycle. The variability in sleep and wake times is less concerning if you aren’t encountering any sleep problems. But, if insomnia or other sleep conditions are at play – being super rigid with sleep schedule is critical as sleep cycle changes can worsen issues. Final Thoughts If you follow the sleep hygiene principles and sleep problems continue, it may be helpful to talk to your doctor. If sleep problems persist, there may be something contributing to your inability to get enough sleep. Cognitive-behavioural treatment (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for sleep problems. Consider seeing a registered mental health provider to help manage sleep difficulties and support implementing good sleep hygiene principles. Book a consultation with the Psychological Health and Safety Clinic today if you'd like to explore this option. By Dr. Melanie Badali, R. Psych. A new year is upon us once again and people are talking about New Year’s resolutions. Some people get excited about the beauty of a new beginning, while others can’t be bothered because they’ve been burned in the past. Either way, a new year is a good time for a fresh perspective. Here, Dr. Melanie Badali will discuss gaining a new perspective on anxiety this year.
The definition of a resolution is, “A firm decision to do or not to do something.” This year, I’ve decided to focus on opportunities and face my fears. It seems obvious that given the choice between focusing on the opportunities versus focusing on the threats in life, most people will choose to focus on the opportunities. Unfortunately, it’s harder to do than it may sound. When we feel anxious, our thoughts may automatically shift to focus on potential threats. When we pay attention to potential threats, we may feel more anxious. Do you see how we can get stuck in a spiral of anxiety? New Perspective on Anxiety: How Do We Manage the Spiral of Anxiety? The trick is in the do. When our anxious thoughts and emotions dictate our actions, managing our anxiety can become harder. As uncomfortable as it may seem, sometimes we have to act the opposite of how we feel. Paradoxically, the things we may do to decrease our anxiety in the short term can fuel our anxiety, making it worse for us in the long run (for example, avoiding a difficult conversation in the short-term will likely only increase anxiety in the long-term). By facing our fears and doing what scares us, we can learn that the fear is unfounded or that we are able to cope with the feared outcome. How do we gain this new perspective on anxiety and make a change in our lives? The key is to figure out if we’re doing or avoiding something out of preference (we don’t actually like it), or if we’re avoiding it because we feel anxious. Ask yourself the following question: If I knew for sure (insert fear here) _________________________, was not going to happen, what would I do? For example:
Are you missing out on opportunities? To help you identify the situations that you typically avoid, here’s an exercise from the Anxiety Canada website. Try to come up with as many answers as possible to the following questions: If you woke up tomorrow morning and all your anxiety had magically disappeared;
Finish the following sentences:
Anxiety can feel very uncomfortable, so it’s not unusual to want that feeling to stop. Remember anxiety is normal, it isn’t dangerous, it can actually be helpful, and it won’t last forever. Knowing this can help you act bravely. Brave is a new perspective on anxiety. Dr. Melanie has given some extra tips on how to enter the new year bravely, read that blog post here. PERSPECTIVE ON ANXIETY: 5 FACTS
“Anxiety is a problem when your body reacts as if there is danger when there is no real danger. It’s like having an overly sensitive smoke alarm system in your body!” |
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