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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
It’s clear to our entire family that my adult sister has big emotional issues, but she won’t recognize this fact. How do I deal with her mood swings in a loving way, but also not promote further outbursts that seem to only be brought on for attention? The answer: Speaking to anyone who is in denial about their personal issues is difficult in the best of times. But the challenges become particularly amplified when a relationship with an immediate family member is potentially at stake. A sibling bond is unique and special in so many ways, given the shared experiences – after all, no one better understands parents and family issues better than someone who was raised in the same environment. Yet our sibling relationships are often the most complex as well, particularly when elements such as competition, jealousy or insecurity play a role. You care about your sister and want to be supportive, yet seem to be struggling with being available as a support for her, but also establishing boundaries for what behaviours of hers you will tolerate. The first thing you want to do is offer to provide support to your sister, if you haven’t already done this. (“I’m concerned about you, and want to help however I can.”) When communicating with her, ensure that she doesn’t feel ganged-up on by the family. Speaking to her one-on-one, without others there, is the most respectful way to approach this. Don’t be blaming or accusatory, and stick to the facts of what you observe, as well as the impact on you. (“I felt extremely hurt when you yelled at me last week for disagreeing with your opinion on what we should do for dinner.”) Ask her what you can do differently to help improve the relationship. Ask yourself what your contribution to her outbursts may be. When there is a long history of problematic behaviour in a relationship, friends and family members often, without even realizing it, react in sarcastic or passive-aggressive ways, given their understandably pent-up frustration. Be mindful of patterns that trigger her. Are there certain topics that push her buttons which you can simply avoid (say, talking about careers or relationships)? Identify your hard and fast boundaries in the relationship. For example, you may decide that you will no longer tolerate her yelling or using profanity in disagreements. Figure out what your response will be (for example, ending the visit). Verbalize what you are doing and why. (“I find myself getting very upset when you swear at me, and I’m choosing not to be around you if that’s how the conversation is going to go, so I am leaving.”) Then, consistently stick to this. Often, emotional outbursts get reinforced because the family doesn’t implement consequences to the behaviour. Your establishment of clear and consistent boundaries may serve as a catalyst for her to change. Finally, realize that the only actions you can control are those of your own. We are stuck with the family we have for the long haul, but remember that we can maintain love for them – without always having to like them. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  A divorce, particularly when children are involved, can be one of the hardest life experiences to deal with. Certain times of the year – holidays, birthdays, etc. – amplify the pain that comes along with not having the same once-intact family configuration. Parents typically make arrangements that determine which holidays or portions of holidays they will be able to spend with their children. This often leaves one parent alone and it can be challenging for that parent to not focus on the sadness and loneliness. The first few holidays following a divorce will be the most challenging as the family establishes a new normal around the occasion. So, let’s talk about how to manage family holidays following a divorce.
Missing the kids – and the sadness and loneliness that comes along with that – is not an emotion to shove away. Our emotions are a signal to our brain and body that we are experiencing something that impacts an important part of our life, and what we value. Those emotions validate how important the kids are, how important family is, and that we wish the situation were different. All too often we want to shove away our negative emotional states. But that rarely turns out well, as emotions often rear their heads later on. Our emotions also provide us with the motivation to take some kind of action, to do something differently. So, how do parents manage holidays, especially when a divorce may mean spending them alone? How to Manage Family Holidays Following a Divorce
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’m a guy who loves his girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to other women. I’m in my 20s and making good money. Is it a bad idea to sow my wild oats now, before I’m fully committed? The answer: Umm … the fact that you are asking whether you should “sow your wild oats” – with your financial situation being one of the highlighted reasons why – tells me you need to do some serious thinking about what you want at this point in your life, and what you want to do about your relationship. Out of fairness to your girlfriend, this is something you should figure out sooner rather than later. There’s no judgment here: How you approach dating, and whether you have regrets about not dating more people before becoming more committed, is something only you can answer. Some people can be immensely happy, fulfilled and have no regrets despite having only one partner in their life; others feel that the best thing they could have done was to get dating “out of their system” before they got married or started a family. Don’t become overly distressed just at being attracted to someone. I see many people in my patient practice that are in loving, committed relationships, and who remain faithful to their partners, but find themselves attracted to others. These feelings are a natural part of being human; they often pass and usually mean nothing. It’s not whether you are attracted to other people that’s a problem – it’s what you do based on the attraction. Ask yourself: Do you find yourself getting too caught up in the attraction? Do you start to fantasize about being with someone else on a regular basis? Do you have thoughts of wanting to cheat on your girlfriend? If so, these are strong signs that you are not ready to be settling down at this stage in your life.You say you love your girlfriend. Do you picture being with her long-term? Could you imagine yourself married to her, or having children with her? Does the thought of her in your foreseeable future create positive feelings (comfort, peace, security, happiness, joy)? Or do you find yourself feeling anxious or stifled when you imagine this? And finally, how do you feel when you think about ending the relationship with your girlfriend? How do you feel when you envision her dating someone else? Keep in mind that dating life may not be what you imagined it to be, that you’d need to have a clear break in your relationship in fairness to your girlfriend. Realize that she will likely move on and may not be there if you were to decide to go back to her. Ultimately you need to trust your gut feeling and go with what seems to be the right thing for you. If it is dating other people, end things with your girlfriend in a respectful way and move on. You’re better ending things now when you are still young, and before things get more serious. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
After being happily divorced for 35 years, I met a man my age (I’m 65) who is also divorced. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years now and I think I’m in love. The problem? He has a very good female friend that he’s known for decades. She’s also divorced and they have never been anything more than friends. Strangely, she has made it clear to him and to me that she hates the idea of me being in his life. She is very dependent on him to help her at home, which I don’t object to. But he does spend far too much time with her when he’s not helping with the chores. While I don’t suspect him of infidelity, I’m beginning to think he has more complex feelings for her than he’s let on. At this age, am I just being petty and suspicious? The answer: Our emotional reactions serve as a temperature gauge of how we feel about circumstances in our lives. When they’re positive, our emotions help validate that things are as we wish them to be; when negative or distressing, they give us a sign that something important to us is being threatened in some capacity. It’s important to pay attention to what you perceive to be potentially threatened, then (importantly) ask yourself: Is your reaction accurate and valid given the situation? Jealousy is one of the most toxic emotions we can experience. It often has a very intense, almost obsessive flavour to it. Feelings of jealousy are most commonly triggered when we have the perception that we will lose someone or something that we are strongly attached to. Anxiety, fear and insecurity are often associated emotions. It can be hard to shake jealousy, and once we are sucked into its vacuum, we tend to – often disproportionately – view behaviours of others as being evidence that supports our belief. You certainly aren’t being petty: Your emotions relate to a relationship in your life that is clearly an important one. Whether or not you are being suspicious depends on whether your interpretations (“She hates the idea of me being in his life,” or, “He has more complex feelings for her than he’s let on”) are accurate, or whether they are misinterpretations of an otherwise benign relationship. You need to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Approach the conversation in a non-accusatory manner. If you jump into it already thinking he is guilty of something inappropriate, you will shut down the lines of communication quickly. Let him know that you trust him and don’t suspect he has been unfaithful. Ask him to describe his feelings for his friend (without making assumptions). Convey how you feel about the situation and listen. It may be that he has very little sense of how his relationship with his long-time friend has been affecting you. Ultimately, the two of you need to come to some agreements. You need to have respect for a friendship that has been in his life for decades before you entered it, and he needs to set some parameters with his female friend that demonstrate respect for you. For example, he can tell her that he is unwilling to tolerate any negative or disparaging comments about your relationship. Don’t forget that she has been in his life for a very long time. If he wanted a relationship with her, he likely would have long before you came into his life. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I have a close friend I’ve known for 20 years who still can’t control her temper. Once or twice a year she completely loses it – yelling, screaming at me, an adult version of what you expect from a four-year-old’s tantrum. Later she’s ashamed and mortified. What can she do? What can I do? The answer: No matter how hard we wish, we simply do not have the ability to change other people. The only person we have control over is ourselves, and that alone can be difficult to do even in the best of times. So, there are only two things you can do: Monitor – and, more importantly, modify – your responses to your friend’s tantrums, and offer to support her if she wants to make changes. One of two things usually explains the presence of longstanding, ingrained behaviours that have lasted decades; the most likely situation is that your friend’s intermittent outbursts are working for her. Ostensibly, they allow her to communicate her distress to those around her. Likely, her outbursts have the actual effect of modifying the behaviours of those in her environment. But unfortunately, the negative consequences (feeling shame, feeling mortified) haven’t been sufficient in motivating her to make changes to her behaviour. Another less likely, but certainly tenable, possibility is that she truly has wanted to change, but hasn’t found the tools she needs to do it. By tools, I mean alternate strategies to manage and cope with trigger factors, and effective ways to communicate how she is feeling to others. Tantrum-like behaviour, for children and adults alike, is really just communication behaviour. Psychological or substance-use factors can certainly contribute (a personality disorder, or alcohol or drug use), but essentially she is making a decision to act or react in a particular way. Ask yourself: How do you respond to her behaviour? It sounds as though, at some level, you have tolerated her actions. What factors trigger her to react this way to you? What do you do (or not do) after she reacts this way? And, have you given her feedback about the impact on you? What contribution do you make to the situation, if any? I do not ask this in a blaming way, but I want to ensure that you are not engaging in similarly inappropriate behaviour toward her. Assuming that you do not play any significant role in her behaviour, you need to have a very blunt conversation with your friend. Let her know in no uncertain terms that the way she acts is unacceptable, and although you have tolerated it, you will not continue to do so. Let her know that you value her friendship and are prepared to help her develop skills that can better control her anger. Offer to help her understand what her triggers are, and seek professional help from a mental-health professional with expertise in anger-management skills. The Anger Management Sourcebook, by Glenn Schiraldi and Melissa Kerr, offers cognitive-behavioural strategies that teach people to identify personal triggers of anger – and better cope with those feelings. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Emory Oakley. Emory is a writer and LGBTQ+ educator who regularly discusses the intersections of queer identities and mental health.  The Power of Emotional Vulnerability in Building Relationships
He looks at me and his expression is unclear, not angry but not easily pinned down. In the back of my head, I can’t help but think he’s mad at me. I have no reason to believe he’s upset but my insecurity tells me that eventually, everyone is going to leave. I easily believe they’re going to see the worst side of me and no longer want to be a part of my life. This time, instead of allowing these harmful thoughts to circle through my brain and ruin the evening with my partner, I smile. I ask him for a kiss and to remind me that he loves me. For many people, it’s automatic to attempt to avoid negative or painful emotions. This type of reaction is human nature, we want to avoid things that hurt and that includes our feelings. Although this can be helpful, at times, often it’s important for us to acknowledge and express our feelings. As well as be emotionally vulnerable with ourselves and the people in our lives. In past relationships, I’ve allowed my insecurity to take hold in a way that resulted in pushing them away. My fear of them leaving became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Though over time, and with years of therapy, I was able to acknowledge my feelings and vulnerabilities to myself. Which eventually allowed me to express them to my partner. Now, even though it’s still hard to admit, I can tell my partner when I am hurt, or sad, or feeling insecure and express how together we can manage those feelings to preserve our relationship. Emotional Vulnerability When some people think about emotional vulnerability, they automatically see it as a bad or scary thing but it doesn’t have to be. What is emotional vulnerability? It’s the ability or willingness to acknowledge (and potentially express) one’s emotions. Particularly those emotions that are difficult or painful. Emotions such as shame, sadness, anxiety, insecurity, etc. Though it’s important to note that acknowledging does not mean wallowing or becoming fixated. It has been defined by Brene Brown as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” The Benefits of Emotional Vulnerability One way to convince ourselves to make small changes in our behaviour when it comes to emotional vulnerability is to outline and understand the benefits of doing so. 1 - It strengthens Relationships Vulnerability helps to build trust and intimacy in relationships. Relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or intimate, are built on trust. Being emotionally vulnerable helps a person to build relationships more quickly. 2 - It improves Self-Awareness When you acknowledge your own emotions and are vulnerable with yourself, you learn things about your own behaviours and defence mechanisms. Acknowledgement and understanding is the first step in making change. How to Be More Emotionally Vulnerable Even if you’re convinced that being more emotionally vulnerable is valuable, you may not know where to start or what you can do to become more emotionally vulnerable. And it may feel scary at first. How do we acknowledge our emotions? First, we must observe and label our emotions. Observing our emotions is simply labelling the emotion without thinking about how we act, behave or react to our emotions, or how we think about our emotions. This means simply stating I feel sad right now or I feel angry right now – full stop. Next, we have to validate our emotions. This means reminding ourselves that it’s okay to feel whatever emotion we are feeling even if we don’t want to feel it. Then we practice. Once we are more comfortable with being more emotionally vulnerable with ourselves, we can be more emotionally vulnerable with others. What can we do to practice being emotionally vulnerable? One way to practice being emotionally vulnerable is to write down your feelings (or say them out loud). Writing down your feelings, like in a journalling practice, can help to create a habit of thinking about and articulating your emotions. Another way to practice emotional vulnerability is going to therapy. For many of us, our habits and defence mechanisms, like emotional avoidance, have become so ingrained that it’s easy to completely miss them. A therapist or counsellor is an objective third party who is able to point out these habits and help you to recognize and make changes in these behaviours. How I Learned to Be More Emotionally Vulnerable When I first started seeing a therapist I was even harder on myself than I am now. But I struggled to make any changes in my thinking or behaviour because I failed to notice the bad habits. One of the habits I used to have was continually saying I feel weird. Weird does not mean anything concrete and does not help me to deal with how I am feeling. My therapist continually pointed out when I did this and forced me to accurately articulate my feelings no matter how uncomfortable it made me. This helped me to not only realize how often I was resorting to this bad habit but encouraged me to more accurately describe my feelings. Eventually, I was able to make significant changes in my thinking and gained the tools I needed to better manage my feelings. One of those important tools was to be more emotionally vulnerable with myself and with others. Therapy changed my life. Are you looking to get more support? Check out the counselling services with the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic and sign up for a free consult today. Talking to a professional really can change your life (and it doesn’t have to be scary). By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My friend has been pining over a guy who is stringing her along. It’s been over a year now. How do I convince her it’s time to move on? The answer: Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, there is very little if anything that any of us can do to “convince” someone to feel (or not feel) a certain way. That said, watching someone you love and care about be in a relationship with someone who is not treating them well, or where they are not getting what they deserve, can be nerve-wracking and frustrating. Remember that your primary role as a friend is to love and unconditionally support her and her decisions. At the same time, be honest about how you feel. You don’t have to pretend that you like the guy she is interested in. If you haven’t already done so, let your friend know that you love her. Describe the type of person you would like to see her with, and communicate why that is important to you (e.g., “you are such a kind and caring person, you deserve to be with a guy who is there for you when you are having a bad day, not someone who takes a week to get back to you”). Let her know that you are there for her and will always support her decisions, but that as her friend you want to also be honest about how you feel. You can be specific about the types of behaviours you see this guy engaging in that worry or concern you. Convey that you understand she cares for this guy. Try not to be overly critical, as bad-mouthing him may alienate your friend, or lead to her feeling that you are criticizing her. Try to understand what it is that is keeping her hooked with this guy: attempt to genuinely understand things from her perspective. Be open to the fact that there are elements of the ‘relationship’ that are working well for her. Ask if she is happy and okay with the situation. If the answer is yes, your job as a friend may be to simply accept her decisions and not judge. If the answer is no, try to understand what is keeping her engaged. Does she feel like she doesn’t deserve any better? Is she insecure? Is she having a hard time meeting other people? If so you may want to try to focus on talking about these things with her, and being a supportive friend that helps her to problem-solve ways to overcome the barriers that keep her in this relationship. Ultimately, though, remember that it remains her decision, and that your role is to support and accept (not necessarily agree with) your friend’s decisions. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My 22-year-old son is dating a girl who his highly dependent on him. He struggles on and off with a marijuana addiction and is trying to get back on his feet. She is seeking therapy for a variety of reasons herself. How do I persuade them that it’s healthier to take some time apart so that they can first sort their own lives out individually. The answer: Find me a land where a parent can convince a 22-year-old of anything – particularly when it comes to their dating life – and then I’ll talk to you about a bridge I’ve got to sell … In all seriousness, you need to first and foremost revise the intended outcome you are wishing for when it comes to talking to your son. You cannot, and will not be able to convince him to do something he doesn’t want to do. If you approach him with a particular agenda front and centre in your mind, you – and most likely he – will both get frustrated, and you may push him further away. As a parent of a young adult, your role is quite simple: to provide love and support, to guide as best as you can, and to be there for him when he falls. I can certainly understand your desire for him to take some time away from his girlfriend who sounds troubled herself so that he can focus on getting himself better. As an objective party, you probably see the relationship as an added stressor to his life. But, you need to bite your tongue on this one. What you need to focus on is providing support and guidance around ways that he can work to get back on his feet. Does he recognize his addiction issues? Has he sought treatment – not only for his use of marijuana, but for the likely depression or anxiety issues that may be accompanying his reliance on the substance? It is clear from the addiction literature that more often than not, addiction issues are masking other more significant underlying emotional issues. Try to speak to him about those issues (if he’s willing to share with you), or guide him toward existing resources in the community. Educating yourself is also important. The Canadian Mental Health Association has national and local offices across the country, and can offer you referrals and resources that may assist. Here to Help is a fantastic website that offers a range of information, including materials for family members who are struggling with knowing how to support a loved one who is dealing with a substance use or mental health issue. If you work on educating yourself and support him in his own recovery, he will probably gain clarity as he gets better and start to make better personal and life decisions for himself. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My mother-in-law is hypercritical of my husband in front of us both. My husband is understandably upset by this and I have to admit it’s starting to get to me as well. Is it in my place to say something? Or does it need to come from him? The answer: Being unfairly criticized by anyone (a boss, a partner, a friend) is upsetting no matter what the circumstances. Throw into the mix being an adult child who is being criticized in front of his partner, and you have a situation that will, not surprisingly, trigger a range of negative emotions, including embarrassment, shame, sadness and anger. In-law relationships can be one of the most sensitive relationships to navigate around. No matter how close you are with your in-laws, the reality is most people need to approach potential difficulties with their partner’s family even more gently than they would with their own. Recognizing that your mother-in-law is being hypercritical is an important first step. If you haven’t already done so, let your husband know you are aware that her behaviour is unfair and inappropriate, and that it upsets you. You may want to tell him that you can understand how uncomfortable it may make him feel, and reassure him that your opinion of him is not affected in any way by what she says. Encourage and support your husband to talk directly to his mother. You may want to try to understand what gets in the way of him expressing to her how hurtful her behaviour is. Is he worried he may hurt her feelings? Has he just tolerated her behaviour most of his life? Is he not sure what exactly to say to her? You could help your husband brainstorm ways to address his mother’s behaviour toward him (ideally without you present, as this may make it more likely that she is responsive to his feedback). If your husband finds it difficult (or ineffective) to talk to his mother, you may want to (only with your husband’s permission) have a one-on-one conversation with her, explaining to her how upsetting her behaviour is to him. Finally, if despite both of your best efforts her behaviour isn’t changing (which it may not) you could try to minimize her comments. When she starts to criticize your husband, try changing the topic (you may try this gently, or be more blatant about it if her criticisms are highly inappropriate). Or, counterbalance what she is saying with positive things about your husband – so if she is criticizing his parenting behaviour, you could give examples of how he is a wonderful father. Dr. John Gottman’s The Relationship Cure is an excellent book that provides useful strategies to repair and strengthen a range of relationships in our lives. The book helps us understand the unhelpful patterns that we can get into in our important relationships, and provides useful strategies for approaching our key relationships in helpful ways. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My four-year-old categorically ignores me. I think my requests are age-appropriate: put your shoes on, wash your hands etc. I’ve tried explaining that if we don’t get these things done we can’t do the fun things such as going to the park. I had expected this behaviour might occur when he grew older, but at the age of four he already seems so distant from me. I hate that these beautiful sunny days are being spent battling over putting on shoes on rather than playing together. What can I do? The answer: Dealing with a defiant toddler can be challenging and frustrating, not to mention time-consuming. Intervening at this young age is great, as it can help to set some behavioural patterns and expectations that will continue as he gets older. The requests you are describing are age-appropriate (assuming that he is within normal developmental milestones). Keep in mind that a child’s behaviour is dependent upon a complex interplay of a few key factors: – Temperament/personality: certain kids are simply more compliant, easygoing and easier to parent – Developmental/emotional issues: children that are delayed developmentally for a range of issues or that are dealing with clinically significant emotional issues tend to display more behavioural difficulties (speak to a pediatrician or child psychologist if you have any concerns that there are any out of the ordinary health issues that may be contributing) – Behavioural expectations: this involves both the manner in which requests are made, as well as the rewards and consequences provided for behaviour that is consistent or inconsistent with those requests As a parent, the area of behavioural expectations is the one that you have most control over. Here are a few tips: – Take note of times and situations where your son is more likely to pay attention; you may notice some patterns in the factors that are more likely to lead to him listening to and complying with a request. Then, try to emulate those factors whenever possible. – When making requests, ensure that his attention is focused on you and that there are minimal distractions (i.e., no other children around, TV or radio is off, no toys in his hand). When making a request, be aware of your non-verbal behaviours (position yourself so you are facing your son eye-to-eye; make the request in a soft, gentle tone; remain calm and encouraging) and repeat the request if necessary. – Ask him to repeat your request (to ensure comprehension) – Reward him when behaviour is consistent with what you requested. Avoid rewards such as food or candy; the best reinforcers are interpersonal reinforcers (i.e., giving him a hug, smiling, thanking him, telling him you are proud of him). – Ensure there is a consequence when he is not compliant. Verbalize why the consequence is being given in a calm voice, and then provide a consequence. Consequences can involve taking a toy away, not engaging in something he finds enjoyable (e.g., going to the park), or expressing some verbal or nonverbal disapproval. Avoiding communicating frustration or anger. Contrary to popular belief, punishment is not the most effective behavioural strategy and can lead to a number of other negative sequelae. Be mindful of not inadvertently providing positive reinforcement at the same time you are providing a consequence (e.g., do not smile while providing a consequence). – Consistency is absolutely key. Ensure that you are as consistent as you possibly can be with rewards and consequences. This is essential, particularly in the early stages of trying to shape or modify certain behavioural patterns. It can be very difficult to do, particularly when parents are faced with multiple competing demands and when the consequences (e.g., not going to play outside in nice weather) also negatively impacts you. However, consistency is perhaps the single most important factor under your control, and has a significant impact on shaping children’s behavioural patterns. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. |
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