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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’ve been in a relationship for many years with the same guy. I love him, but I’ve recently discovered I might be more attracted to members of the same sex. Should I tell him? Should I end it? Is there something psychologically wrong with me? The answer: First and foremost, there is absolutely nothing that is psychologically wrong with you for having questions about your sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to one’s sense of personal and social identity based on emotional, romantic or sexual attraction (to one or both sexes), the behaviours that are expressed as a result, and membership in a community of those who share that orientation (according to the American Psychological Association, 2008). One’s true sense of sexual orientation is not a choice – and can occur on a range, falling in one of three main categorizations: heterosexual (attracted to members of the opposite sex), homosexual (attracted to members of the same sex), and bisexual (attracted to members of the both sexes). Population survey data suggest that approximately 1 per cent of Canadians identify themselves as homosexual, and approximately 1 per cent identify themselves as bisexual. It certainly is not uncommon to love someone in a heterosexual relationship, yet find yourself attracted to members of the same sex. Questions about your orientation do not negate your love for your partner – but may impact the direction of your current and future relationships take. It would be important for you to explore issues around your sexual orientation further before you make any impulsive decisions about your relationship. If you feel that your partner is someone you could talk to openly, and without judgment, you could certainly gently raise the issue with him. You could assure him that you love him, and that you want to be completely open and honest with him so want to let him know that you have started to question whether you are more attracted to females. It is also perfectly appropriate for you to start to get some clarity on your own before you decide how to approach speaking with him, as this may be a difficult and emotional conversation to have. Confiding in a close friend may be a way to start talking about it and navigate your feelings. There are also a range of community agencies and professionals that specialize in issues around sexual orientation. You may want to explore some of these resources. Questioning your sexual orientation and making changes in your life (and communicating to loved ones about this) may be a difficult journey, and so I would encourage you to try to take care of yourself emotionally, and ensure that you have a strong community and support network to help you navigate through the coming weeks, months, and years. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My boyfriend is in therapy, which I encouraged him to do. But sometimes I worry about the psychologist saying disparaging things about our relationship. Would a professional do this or am I being paranoid? The answer: One of the most important roles for a competent psychologist is to be objective, neutral, and balanced in terms of their perspectives on their patient’s life situations. That said, psychologists – like any other individual in any profession – range in terms of their skills, efficacy and approach. So the answer is that a competent and ethical psychologist should not be making inappropriate judgmental comments to your boyfriend. But, like any other profession, there is always the small chance that a professional may be acting in a non-professional manner. One’s relationship is often a very appropriate area for discussion in a therapeutic relationship, so chances are good that your relationship has been discussed in some capacity. The more important question is what other worries you may be having about your relationship. To me, it sounds like you are concerned that your boyfriend may be bringing up these issues in therapy and that the psychologist may be commenting on them. My best advice would be to have a straightforward and open conversation with your boyfriend. Remain respectful of the fact that your boyfriend may – very appropriately and understandably – not want to talk about any details of his therapy with you. Instead, the goal of putting your concern on the table is to initiate a discussion about any areas of your relationship that you or your boyfriend think could be improved upon. Ask him openly how he thinks things are going in your relationship, and if there are areas that he thinks need to be improved upon. Share your perspective and identify what you see as strengths and weaknesses. Take a positive, problem-solving approach where you work toward thinking about ways that you could both improve any areas that are less than ideal from one or both of your perspectives. Try to not get defensive when you have this conversation. Remember that all relationships have challenges, and that the stronger couples speak openly about areas of weakness and proactively work on them. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.  Mindfulness for ChildrenThe practice of mindfulness offers a plethora of benefits to a child’s growing mind and body. Mindful practices allow them to unplug and check-in with themselves. Through this process of checking in, children begin to have a better understanding and ability to cope with their emotions and feelings. It also helps them with noticing the positives, developing a sense of appreciation, and feelings of gratitude. So, let’s talk about mindfulness for children and how parents can help teach their children to practice mindfulness (as well as improve their own mindfulness skills). Mindfulness Techniques: For When You are Short on TimeAs a busy parent, you’re likely often short on time but that doesn’t mean you have to skip the mindfulness practice. Try one of these right before bed or take a moment to pause while you’re out and about. Belly Breathing
Finger Counting Breaths
Be Aware of Your Surroundings
Mindfulness Techniques: For When You Have a Bit More TimeWhen you have a bit more time you can try one of these longer mindfulness practices for children. Draw Your Emotions
Silence Game
Tense and Release Muscle Activity
Five Senses
Mindfulness for Children and Parents: Techniques to Do TogetherOf course, mindfulness is just as important for parents as it is for children. So, while learning about mindfulness for children it’s also important to keep in mind that we should all be practicing our mindfulness techniques. Here are some practices you can do together with your children, or as a whole family. Share a three breath hug
Establish a Gratitude Practice
Yoga
Check Your ‘Personal Weather’ Report
Final ThoughtsWe talk a lot about mindfulness practices, but we rarely address specific mindfulness practices for children. Not only is mindfulness helpful for children to practice to better understand and cope with their emotions but beginning the practice at a young age helps to set them up for success as adults. Do keep in mind that not all of the practices are going to work with every child, and different practices may work depending on your child’s age and stage of development. So, give a number of these practices a try and find out which ones work best. And remember that all of these require practice.
 Tips for Positive Discipline - A Guide for ParentsPositive discipline has a plethora of benefits for children, in comparison to negative discipline (e.g., spanking, hitting, reprimanding). Instead of shaming the child or making them feel bad, positive discipline focuses on misbehavior as an opportunity for learning. It’s important that parents practice positive discipline techniques so that as tensions rise, situations are still handled properly. The Core of Positive Discipline: There are no Bad Kids, just Bad Behaviour
Be Kind, but Firm
When Possible, Offer Choices
Treat Mistakes as Opportunities to Learn
Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries (and be consistent!)
Use Single Word Reminders
Let the Child Face Natural Consequences
Final Thoughts on Positive DisciplinePositive discipline helps parents to handle challenging situations with children by educating them on what to do right rather than focusing on what they’ve done wrong. Making the switch to positive discipline but with practice parents will start to see a change in their children’s behavior.
Inspired by afineparent.com/be-positive/positive-discipline.html |
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