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By Dominic Brennan, RCC  Everyday personal and workplace stress. The choice is yours!
I was wondering the other day if my everyday personal and workplace stress could talk to me, what it would say? But I guess, if I’m under stress, I wouldn’t take the time to listen. I’m a closed system, I’m a man and I’m probably the victim here! It’s got nothing to do with me! If only everyone knew what I was going through! I’m smart and I have got it together, they don’t! That’s how we mostly cope with stress, I guess, and it gets us through but at a cost, sometimes a very high cost. It wrecks our work, our personal life and ultimately our own health and well-being. It can even be fatal or lead to incarceration by doing something we regret. The stress emotions take over. It happens every day, globally and it’s not culture-bound. Hello and welcome to my first blog. My name is Dominic Brennan and I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor with Dr. Joti Samra, R.Psych & Associates. I’m hoping I can connect with men through my blogs. With this quick read, I aim to bring awareness to various issues men face. My Experience with Stress Myself, having risen through the corporate ranks to senior positions, where I was in charge of thousands of employees and managing billions of dollars worth of assets, I experienced a lot of workplace-related stress. Then I switched careers into mental health and wellness, and that along with a cross-culture marriage and raising two children motivates me to work with men on issues surrounding mental health and wellness. I feel it’s the time to support men on their journey, as, without mentors, coaches, and the willingness to listen, I would not be where I am today. Not without stress, but managing it so that it works for me in a healthy way. Let’s go back to the first thought about what my stress would say if it could talk to me. Dominic, if only they knew what I was going through! Why can’t they think like me! They have no idea what they’re talking about! Look at them! I need to show how good I am! It’s my bosses that have no idea what they are talking about! Our clients are so unreasonable! My partner has no idea what I am doing for the family and our well-being! The kids and pets need too much from me sometimes! I wish my mates thought like me! I don’t need to talk to anyone about my issues as I’m fine! I can teach them a thing or two! What a bunch of cowards and weaklings they are! The list could probably go on. I’m sure I have missed many (unhelpful) self-talks! The Impacts of Stress When stress talks to us in these ways, it’s dominating and controlling us. Most of the negative things happening in our life can be underlined with the word stress. This type of stress, particularly when it’s ongoing, can lead to; angry outbursts and being argumentative, alcohol/ drug misuse, excessive worry and/or anxiety, overeating or undereating, disturbed sleep or insomnia, broken relationships at home and at work, physical pain, health conditions such as heart disease and cancer, and overall poor quality of life. This can lead to eternal unhappiness, grumpiness and resentment! When overly stressed and not managing it effectively we may get nasty; we get mad at things regardless of how small, we miss golden opportunities of career growth, miss the opportunity of having a loving relationship and family. As a result, we live with the hope that other people will see things the way we do which leads to huge amounts of frustration and banging our heads against the wall. Phew! That even stresses me out to think about. Time for a drink perhaps?!!! (Just kidding: of note, alcohol is not an effective coping response and often creates more issues than it solves.) Managing Personal and Workplace Stress Well, what can we do about it? The first thing is to go back to the first question raised. What would stress say to me and then ask what is stress doing in my life? For most of us, stress is having all the negative impacts on us mentioned above. It not only negatively impacts our mental wellness but our physical health as well. What we need is the skills to more effectively manage our stress as well as the opportunities to discuss our feelings. For us men, we often don’t want to hear from anyone that we need counselling, not from a loved one or from company human resources. We don’t want to hear that we need to talk to someone about our anxiety and/or stress or that we have to seek anger management support, mandated, or not. We have it together, we believe. And again, we are back to the closed system, that many men seem to be. Where do we men go from here? To be stress free! I feel most of the time counselling isn’t the right word for issues men face. Generally, I feel men simply need an open ear to process what’s going on in their lives. While also learning to let the person give food for thought, provide potential solutions and options for consideration, and perhaps some cognitive restructuring (that must be from a professional by the way). Opening up about challenges in our lives helps men manage their stress and reduce it to a level that doesn’t hurt us or those around us but rather lifts us up, and motivates us to see another way of doing things. Positives Associated with Opening Up The few men that aren’t closed systems, either naturally or have had the right support, tend to be leaders at work and in their families. They’re generally mentally healthy and resilient, they lift others up, they’re able to discuss experiences and roadblocks, they’re able to receive feedback, and find solutions from others about how to become what they want to become and be in a position of acceptance. Yes, we can live in the present and not be overly stressed about what’s happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Yes, we can get on with everyone if we want to and know how to. Some seem to have it all together naturally, and yet they still seek mentorship, feedback, coaching and support on their journey to keep them on track. Their success is a direct result of this support (they didn’t do it alone). We can all be more stress-free if we become less of a closed system and allow the spirit of “It’s Good to Talk!” into our lives. Final Thoughts Stress is a natural part of our lives both at home and at work. While a small amount of stress can be motivating, when we don’t effectively manage our stress or talk about our challenges, it can easily become overwhelming and damaging in our lives. For men, counselling may not be the most effective word when it comes to dealing with stress and other challenges they face but opening up can make a significant difference in all of our lives. The right professional is there to help you see there are choices on how we live our lives and if you’re interested in changing, they can help you make that change. The choice is yours! By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I manage a team of about 10. One member of the team likes to dominate the conversation during meetings to the point that I can’t hear what others have to say. I suspect this person is insecure in some way. Do you have any tips on how I can get them to quiet down but not discourage them in the process? The answer: Being a manager or a leader can be a challenging role in the best of times. Concurrently managing team/group dynamics can be even more difficult, particularly when there is an individual who demonstrates behaviour that is disruptive to the rest of the team. It is important to identify and curb this behaviour early on, to avoid having other members of the team get frustrated, discouraged or disengaged. Although it may be tempting to wait to see if this person’s behaviour naturally changes over time, chances are it won’t – and it is important for you to have the conversation sooner rather than later. Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation with this team member:
Also, it is important to always keep some notes documenting any performance meeting. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth. Originally published for LifeSpeak in 2010. About 30% of employed Canadians, approximately 3 million, work shift—non-standard work hours that cover a wide variety of work schedules. Shift work can consist of fixed shifts or shifts that rotate or change according to a set schedule. The length of shifts can vary between 8 to 12 hours. Shift work is critical to our economy due to our society’s need for around-the-clock provision of medical, transportation, and protection services. Shift work is also common in industrial work, mines, and in workplaces where technical processes cannot be interrupted without affecting the product and/or where expensive equipment is used more profitably when in constant operation.
Although shift work is a job requirement for many employees, there are a number of workers who choose shift work because it allows for more free time or enables their families to manage child care needs. Interest in the effects of shift work on people has grown because many experts have pointed to rotating or extended shifts for the “human error” connected with nuclear power plant incidents, air crashes, and other catastrophic incidents. While shift work is essential to the economy and may be a necessary choice for some, researchers have found compelling evidence that working shift takes a physical and psychological toll on workers. Many workers find that shift work disrupts their family and personal life, limiting their ability to participate in leisure and family activities and making it difficult to find or maintain long-term relationships with a spouse. This fact is important because of the correlation between amounts and quality of social interaction and physical and mental health. People who do shift work report fatigue as the most common health complaint. Dr. Joti Samra, Clinical Psychologist and Researcher and member of LifeSpeak’s Vancouver roster of expert speakers, points out that 1/3 of shift workers experience a severe clinical disturbance in their sleep in the form of shift work sleep disorder. Dr. Samra explains that this is a clinically recognized condition where a constant or recurrent pattern of sleep disruption results in insomnia or fatigue. Shift work has also been associated with cardiovascular disease, hypertension and gastrointestinal disorders, and for women, reproductive health problems and breast cancer. Researchers have identified three interrelated factors that contribute to the association of shift work and health issues:
Since it is not a practical possibility to eliminate shift work, employers can implement some strategies to reduce the effects of shift work on employees. The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends two levels where improvements can be made:
The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends several organizational strategies for reducing the effects of shift work.
By supporting employees through strategies that mitigate some of the very serious physical and mental health concerns brought on by shift work, organizations can lay the foundation for workers to address, on the individual level, the difficulties they face from the changes in eating, sleeping, and working patterns. Resources:
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the Workplace
LGBTQ+ individuals experience discrimination and harassment in the workplace. This directly and negatively impacts LGBTQ+ individuals’ mental health. So, when talking about workplace mental health, we need to pay special attention to groups, like the LGBTQ+ community, to actively work against this treatment to create psychologically safe spaces for all individuals. Facts About LGBTQ+ Workers The LGBTQ+ community has higher rates of unemployment, with rates spiking even higher for trans and nonbinary people. But unemployment is not the only issue. A U.K. report, one of the first of its kind, found that 7 in 10 LGBTQ+ people have been sexually harassed at work and two-thirds did not report it to their employer. The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy found 15% to 43% of gay and transgender workers faced some sort of workplace discrimination in the U.S.. Though it is important to note that the experience of discrimination and harassment is not consistent across the queer community:
Many organizations have come to understand the experiences that LGBTQ+ individuals face in the workplace and have created specific policies to be more inclusive. Some of these include; healthcare coverage for same-sex spouses, protocols for gender transition, and paid parental leave for same-sex couples and adoptive parents. Inclusive Workspaces – Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the WorkplaceThough creating inclusive workplace policies is a great first step, it’s just that – a first step. Workplace policies are not enough on their own to create safe and inclusive workplace environments and culture. So, what can companies and colleagues do to create a safe and inviting workplace for members of the LGBTQ+ community?
Supporting LGBTQ+ Co-workers Oftentimes when we find out a co-worker is part of the LGBTQ+ community, we want to show our support but don’t know the best way to do so. What are some (potentially well-meaning) things that shouldn’t be done in the workplace when it comes to LGBTQ+ co-workers?
As we learn about the queer community and the diversity of people within the community, it’s natural to want to know more. The number of recognized identities is growing and it can seem intimidating and complicated to those who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a great thing to be eager and willing to learn, and education is an important part of creating a more safe and inclusive environment for everyone. You might know someone who identifies within the LGBTQ+ community and figure they’re the best person to ask those burning questions. They might be, but they also may not. So, let’s talk about asking questions as this in an important part of supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace. What To Consider Before Asking Questions Before asking questions consider a few things:
Get Consent First It’s important to not only be cautious of who you’re asking, but also the questions you ask. It’s equally as important to ask for consent before asking a question. Asking for consent can be as simple as “can I ask you a question about X?” and waiting for an answer. It’s also important to be prepared to hear and respect the answer ‘no’. Questions Not to ask your LGBTQ+ Co-workers Here is a list of things to consider, as well as explanations as to why questions can be challenging to receive for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
Final Thoughts Supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging. Start with good intentions on fostering an inclusive space, educate yourself on the LGBTQ+ community and the issues they face in the workplace, and do want you can to create that safe space. Ensure policies are updated and followed, lead by example and train and workers within your organization. If you’re motivated to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community consider checking out sites like TheSafeZoneProject for terminology, PFLAG a website for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people, or GLAAD, an organization devoted to shaping conversations about LGBTQ+ folks. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Is someone you care about working themselves so hard it may be damaging to their health? Maybe they aren’t just exhausted, but are starting to isolate themselves? Or they’re tired enough that they’re putting themselves at risk every time they drive home – many people don’t consider the fact that tiredness at the point of exhaustion is the same as impaired driving. Or, they may be engaging in unhealthy behaviours such as excessive drinking or overeating as a way to self-soothe or self-medicate.
When putting in a few too many hours becomes a problem With overworking there are two major issues: The person’s decision to work an inordinate number of hours, and the resultant impacts on their health. Keep in mind that the person’s decision to work the number of hours they are working may not be completely voluntary. There are a number of reasons a person may need to – or feel they need to – work these hours, some of which may include: high living expenses or debts, significant changes to life circumstances, working following a period of unemployment or preparing for retirement. Have empathy & be kind Whatever their reason, try to understand where they are coming from. It can feel awful to be in a position where you are uncertain about your future, particularly as we age. They are probably worried about the future, as well as frustrated or even angry at themselves, or their past circumstances. The reality is that they may need to be working at the level they are to pay the bills or have the future they once imagined. Starting a conversation First, ensure the conversation takes place during a time when you are both feeling relaxed. Remember to keep the conversation light and supportive, and be mindful that they probably will have a lot of pride around these issues. Start with a conversation about their future and talk generally about what their hopes and dreams are. This may help you get a picture of what they’re working toward. Gently inquire about whether the means they are currently adopting (in other words, the hours worked) are necessary to achieve those goals. If appropriate, offer to help them with planning – you may suggest that they could find it helpful to sit down with a financial advisor who can map out plans in more detail. Key messages to communicate After you’ve had the opportunity to talk with your loved one about the future and gained some insight into their goals and underlying values associated with work, then, in a separate conversation, you can express your concerns about their health. Here are some suggestions about how to approach this topic:
Unfortunately, you can’t magically get your loved one to value their health more than work, but you can guide them toward possible solutions that improve the situation. Visit MyWorkplaceHealth.com for more workplace resources. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. |
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