|
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My colleague received a promotion I thought I should have gotten. Frankly, I’m not impressed with his “work ethic,” but he’s good at playing office politics. How can I get over my disappointment and act civilly around him when I feel he’s dogging it? The answer: Actual or perceived unfairness in the workplace, particularly when it pertains to important outcomes such as a promotion, can have a tremendous impact on your job satisfaction. It is normal to feel disappointed, frustrated and perhaps even angry. What is great is that you seem to have a mature perspective on the situation, and I commend you for wanting to work to overcome your disappointment and also to figure out how to deal civilly with your colleague. I would suggest a few things. First, think about what it is that your colleague did (or didn’t do) that may have contributed to him getting the promotion. As human beings, we tend to enter a state of cognitive constriction when faced with a stressful situation – we paint the entire situation or object of our discontent with broad strokes. This means that you may be very naturally focusing only on your colleague’s negative attributes. Try to articulate the behaviours and approaches that may have contributed to him obtaining the promotion. Writing these down can help bring some objectivity to the situation. Be precise. I don’t mean to negate the impact of his astuteness in playing office politics, but it may be that there were some things that he was doing that truly did enhance his chances at getting the promotion. This information may equip you to know how to approach your position in future, and may lessen the negative emotions you are feeling toward him. Request a meeting with your manager/supervisor or the human resources professional that made the hiring decision. Express that you want to determine what you can do differently and which areas you can improve upon. Indicate that you are committed to your job, and that you would like to move ahead in the company. If it seems appropriate given your relationship with the person you are speaking to, you could respectfully convey that you thought you were a strong candidate for the position. Ask what you could have done that would have helped you land the promotion. Avoid bad-mouthing your colleague. Stay focused on your areas of improvement. Ask for actionable feedback, both positive and negative. Then request a follow-up meeting to evaluate how you are doing. When interacting with your colleague, be very mindful of your internal evaluations about him. It is stunning how powerful our thoughts can be in shaping both our behaviours as well as our emotional reactions to others. For example, if you find you are repeatedly saying things to yourself such as “he’s such a jerk, he didn’t deserve that promotion” when you see him, that will likely shift your demeanour in a more negative direction. Catch those thoughts, and replace them with more objective, non-judgmental ones, such as “I feel strongly that he didn’t deserve the promotion, but he got it and I need to move forward. Rather than focusing on him, I am going to focus on what I can do differently.” This may sound simple, but our thoughts can be very powerful in shifting our mood. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. The question:
Should I date my co-worker and mix business with pleasure? I take my work seriously but I’m torn because I don’t want to pass up the opportunity of meeting someone great either. Office romances seem to work for some, but could I be complicating matters? The answer: Ah, the office romance: tempting, and (potentially) highly troublesome. Good on you for approaching this cautiously and thoughtfully – as the best thing you can do is weigh the pros and cons and have an open conversation with your co-worker/romantic interest before anything ensues. There are a number of considerations when it comes to work, the object of your affection, and your knowledge of yourself. With respect to work, how closely do the two of you work together and what is your professional relationship? Dating a co-worker who works on a different floor in a company of 300 is different than dating someone whose cubicle is next to yours in a startup company of 10. What is your reporting relationship? If either of you are in a position of power (i.e., supervisory or potentially evaluative role), it’s probably best to not go down that road. And, how important is this position to you? Are you on a time-limited contract where you see an end in sight to your position, or is this a permanent role and an employer you foresee staying with for the long-term? What do you know about your co-worker? What are the qualities that you are attracted to? Is this someone who makes dating co-workers a habit? Is it just a short-term infatuation/physical attraction, or from the information you have is this truly someone you could see in your life for a period of time? Finally, be brutally honest with yourself and how you are in relationships. Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, so ask yourself how you have dealt with relationships that didn’t work out in the past. Are you someone who is able to stay grounded and remain cordial with those you have dated? Are you someone who becomes overly attached very quickly, and becomes highly emotional or upset when even short-term dating situations don’t work out? If, after considering the above, you feel that the benefits of pursuing this relationship outweigh the potential cons, have a candid conversation with your co-worker. Lay the concerns you have out on the table and listen to their perspective. If you both decide to proceed, be mindful of going slow and steady, given the stakes are higher if things don’t work out. Also try to hold off on getting physically involved until you know there is compatibility in terms of personalities and short and long-term relationship goals. The reality is that the workplace often becomes the predominant place we meet people (both friends and romantic interests), particularly as we move out of our 20s. And as a result, why pass up something that potentially could be highly fulfilling and meaningful. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  We’ve all heard the advice of striving for work-life balance. This suggests, for most of us, that work is tipping the scales and we need to spend more time on other aspects of our non-work personal lives – and in some cases to ‘get a life’. The reality of modern-day work structure – right or wrong – is that we now work longer hours than ever. The modern-day work environment and global economy, combined with technology which now allows us to work 24/7, along with the cost of living makes it increasingly more difficult to achieve balance: if we look at this as an actual scale, for most of us, work is going to significantly tip the scales based simply on the number of hours we spend working.
Work-life balance also suggests that portions of our lives should be separated into different sections but it isn’t always that simple. Many of us choose our profession based on something we are passionate about or we feel gives us meaning. Therefore, it isn’t always easy to separate work and life. So, rather than striving for work-life balance, we should be thinking about achieving work-life harmony. This means arranging the different aspects of our lives so that they work together in harmony – like an orchestra. What can we do to achieve work-life harmony? 1. Make conscious choices Conductors create great harmonies by getting different instruments in the orchestra to work together effectively and by emphasizing different instruments at different times. For us, this means ensuring we make conscious choices about the activities we engage in, including work, and what is important to us. This also means attempting to have a plan in regards to the time we spend. Whenever possible make conscious decisions about how much we are going to work and how we are going to spend the rest of our time. 2. Work with passion When possible work in a field that we can be passionate about, or find aspects of our current position that we love. Research suggests that we are happier and more invested in our work when we can find meaning in that work. 3. Prioritize working with people we like Since we are spending a significant portion of time with our co-workers, our relationship with them can affect how we feel throughout the day. We are likely to be happier if we enjoy the people we are working with. This could mean choosing to spend more time with the people we like and get along with at work or building better relationships with the people we work with. Alternatively, if we are working with people we don’t get along with we should attempt to manage those relationships or conflicts better, or even consider switching work environments, if possible. 4. Stay active and get rest Exercise and sleep have a positive impact on our brain function and our productivity at work. While our busy lives don’t always make it easy for us to get the optimal amount of activity or rest (in addition to everything else), something is better than nothing. Consider starting small and finding ways to incorporate movement into the workday (such as walking or biking to work, using a stand-up desk or exercise ball instead of a standard chair, or incorporating a walking meeting into your schedule). Sleep is especially important when it comes to our focus, productivity, and creativity at work. Establishing a sleep routine – where we go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning – can help us achieve a more restful sleep. If a routine isn’t possible, there are a number of ways to increase our sleep hygiene that may be easier to incorporate into your schedule. 5. Don’t let obstacles or limitations overwhelm Obstacles and setbacks are a part of everyone’s lives but how we deal with them has a significant effect on our attitude as well as whether or not we are able to overcome them. Remaining optimistic and positive in the face of limitations and obstacles helps us become more resilient. While remaining positive or optimistic in all situations can be difficult, sometimes it’s about finding one small, good thing in the tough moments that are out of our control. For example, many of us commute to work. There are times that we are in a rush and we get stuck in traffic. Rather than allowing this to anger us and start our day off negatively, we can refocus our energy on music, or an audiobook or podcast to bring harmony back into that moment. Shifting our focus from balance to harmony We’ve been conditioned to think that true happiness lies in achieving a balance between our work and our personal lives. But with technology and the shift of work from something that pays our bills to a passion project, balance no longer means what it did 10 years ago. Instead, work-life harmony allows us to think about our lives differently. It becomes less about tipping an imaginary scale and more about the imaginary orchestra you can create. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I keep having work dreams. Or should I say, nightmares. How can I make them stop? The answer: Ah, the dreaded workmare. Unfortunately, I have no magic wand to make work-related nightmares stop. The key is to first understand what factors contribute to the types of dreams we all have, as well as the function they serve. The next step is to then work to alleviate the causal factors. Scientific understanding about dreams and their associated meaning is, on the whole, pretty poor. What we do know is that our most vivid and memorable dreams occur during our deepest stage of sleep, known as the REM (rapid eye movement) stage. We also know that there are differences from person to person on how much we dream, or whether we even recall our dreams. The frequency and content of our dreams can be influenced by factors such as what we have eaten on a given day, how much alcohol we have drunk and myriad other physiological factors (for example, nightmares can be a side effect of some medications). We also know – most importantly – that our day to-day life situations have a significant impact on the content and intensity of our dreams. Stressful and, in extreme cases, traumatic life situations are among the most significant psychosocial factors that affect our dreams. Studies that have examined dream content show that we tend to have and recall more negative dreams than positive ones, with the underlying theory being that there is an adaptive function to have threatening dreams. Namely, having nightmares can help us to simulate actual or perceived threatening situations in a safe environment, allowing us to be more psychologically and cognitively prepared for the threats when they come up in life. Pay attention to what stresses you at work but also in your personal life. High levels of stress, as well as perceptions that we are in situations that are unpredictable and over which we have little control, can play a role. Make a list of all the significant stressors in your life. Order these from most stressful to least. Then ask yourself the following questions: Do I have any control over this stressor? What specific action can I realistically take that may help alleviate my stress? Then make an action plan to reduce the stressors over which you have some control. Stress builds when we become passive and immobilized, and taking some action (even if it’s not the “perfect” one) can help tremendously. In addition, having a consistent pre-sleep ritual can help to reduce the intensity and frequency of your nightmares. First, minimize talking or thinking about stressful situations right before bed. Relaxation or meditation strategies can help to slow down both your mind and body. Have a warm bath or listen to soothing music to distract your mind. Avoid reading books or watching TV or movies with upsetting content. If you are woken by a nightmare, get out of bed (staying there will help associate the nightmare with your bed). Do deep, diaphragmatic breathing for five to 10 minutes and then do something relaxing, such as having a warm glass of milk, before you get back into bed. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  We spend a significant portion of our days working, so relationships with our colleagues can be important to maintain for our overall mental health. Conflict with colleagues, as well as actual or perceived unfairness in the workplace, particularly when it pertains to important outcomes such as a promotion, can have a tremendous impact on job satisfaction. It is normal to feel disappointed, frustrated, and perhaps even angry.
What happens when we experience co-worker related stress? As human beings, we tend to enter a state of cognitive constriction (or tunnel vision) when faced with a stressful situation – particularly when it has to do with another person. We tend to paint the entire situation or object of our discontent with broad strokes. This manifests as us being much more likely to only focus on the negative attributes of situations – leading to a snowball-effect over time, where our emotions become more and more negative and difficult to manage over time. How to deal with unfair treatment What are some ways you can manage a situation where you feel you’ve been unfairly treated by another at work?
How do you approach this colleague if there are still negative feelings toward them?
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. By Dominic Brennan, RCC  Everyday personal and workplace stress. The choice is yours!
I was wondering the other day if my everyday personal and workplace stress could talk to me, what it would say? But I guess, if I’m under stress, I wouldn’t take the time to listen. I’m a closed system, I’m a man and I’m probably the victim here! It’s got nothing to do with me! If only everyone knew what I was going through! I’m smart and I have got it together, they don’t! That’s how we mostly cope with stress, I guess, and it gets us through but at a cost, sometimes a very high cost. It wrecks our work, our personal life and ultimately our own health and well-being. It can even be fatal or lead to incarceration by doing something we regret. The stress emotions take over. It happens every day, globally and it’s not culture-bound. Hello and welcome to my first blog. My name is Dominic Brennan and I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor with Dr. Joti Samra, R.Psych & Associates. I’m hoping I can connect with men through my blogs. With this quick read, I aim to bring awareness to various issues men face. My Experience with Stress Myself, having risen through the corporate ranks to senior positions, where I was in charge of thousands of employees and managing billions of dollars worth of assets, I experienced a lot of workplace-related stress. Then I switched careers into mental health and wellness, and that along with a cross-culture marriage and raising two children motivates me to work with men on issues surrounding mental health and wellness. I feel it’s the time to support men on their journey, as, without mentors, coaches, and the willingness to listen, I would not be where I am today. Not without stress, but managing it so that it works for me in a healthy way. Let’s go back to the first thought about what my stress would say if it could talk to me. Dominic, if only they knew what I was going through! Why can’t they think like me! They have no idea what they’re talking about! Look at them! I need to show how good I am! It’s my bosses that have no idea what they are talking about! Our clients are so unreasonable! My partner has no idea what I am doing for the family and our well-being! The kids and pets need too much from me sometimes! I wish my mates thought like me! I don’t need to talk to anyone about my issues as I’m fine! I can teach them a thing or two! What a bunch of cowards and weaklings they are! The list could probably go on. I’m sure I have missed many (unhelpful) self-talks! The Impacts of Stress When stress talks to us in these ways, it’s dominating and controlling us. Most of the negative things happening in our life can be underlined with the word stress. This type of stress, particularly when it’s ongoing, can lead to; angry outbursts and being argumentative, alcohol/ drug misuse, excessive worry and/or anxiety, overeating or undereating, disturbed sleep or insomnia, broken relationships at home and at work, physical pain, health conditions such as heart disease and cancer, and overall poor quality of life. This can lead to eternal unhappiness, grumpiness and resentment! When overly stressed and not managing it effectively we may get nasty; we get mad at things regardless of how small, we miss golden opportunities of career growth, miss the opportunity of having a loving relationship and family. As a result, we live with the hope that other people will see things the way we do which leads to huge amounts of frustration and banging our heads against the wall. Phew! That even stresses me out to think about. Time for a drink perhaps?!!! (Just kidding: of note, alcohol is not an effective coping response and often creates more issues than it solves.) Managing Personal and Workplace Stress Well, what can we do about it? The first thing is to go back to the first question raised. What would stress say to me and then ask what is stress doing in my life? For most of us, stress is having all the negative impacts on us mentioned above. It not only negatively impacts our mental wellness but our physical health as well. What we need is the skills to more effectively manage our stress as well as the opportunities to discuss our feelings. For us men, we often don’t want to hear from anyone that we need counselling, not from a loved one or from company human resources. We don’t want to hear that we need to talk to someone about our anxiety and/or stress or that we have to seek anger management support, mandated, or not. We have it together, we believe. And again, we are back to the closed system, that many men seem to be. Where do we men go from here? To be stress free! I feel most of the time counselling isn’t the right word for issues men face. Generally, I feel men simply need an open ear to process what’s going on in their lives. While also learning to let the person give food for thought, provide potential solutions and options for consideration, and perhaps some cognitive restructuring (that must be from a professional by the way). Opening up about challenges in our lives helps men manage their stress and reduce it to a level that doesn’t hurt us or those around us but rather lifts us up, and motivates us to see another way of doing things. Positives Associated with Opening Up The few men that aren’t closed systems, either naturally or have had the right support, tend to be leaders at work and in their families. They’re generally mentally healthy and resilient, they lift others up, they’re able to discuss experiences and roadblocks, they’re able to receive feedback, and find solutions from others about how to become what they want to become and be in a position of acceptance. Yes, we can live in the present and not be overly stressed about what’s happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Yes, we can get on with everyone if we want to and know how to. Some seem to have it all together naturally, and yet they still seek mentorship, feedback, coaching and support on their journey to keep them on track. Their success is a direct result of this support (they didn’t do it alone). We can all be more stress-free if we become less of a closed system and allow the spirit of “It’s Good to Talk!” into our lives. Final Thoughts Stress is a natural part of our lives both at home and at work. While a small amount of stress can be motivating, when we don’t effectively manage our stress or talk about our challenges, it can easily become overwhelming and damaging in our lives. For men, counselling may not be the most effective word when it comes to dealing with stress and other challenges they face but opening up can make a significant difference in all of our lives. The right professional is there to help you see there are choices on how we live our lives and if you’re interested in changing, they can help you make that change. The choice is yours! By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I manage a team of about 10. One member of the team likes to dominate the conversation during meetings to the point that I can’t hear what others have to say. I suspect this person is insecure in some way. Do you have any tips on how I can get them to quiet down but not discourage them in the process? The answer: Being a manager or a leader can be a challenging role in the best of times. Concurrently managing team/group dynamics can be even more difficult, particularly when there is an individual who demonstrates behaviour that is disruptive to the rest of the team. It is important to identify and curb this behaviour early on, to avoid having other members of the team get frustrated, discouraged or disengaged. Although it may be tempting to wait to see if this person’s behaviour naturally changes over time, chances are it won’t – and it is important for you to have the conversation sooner rather than later. Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation with this team member:
Also, it is important to always keep some notes documenting any performance meeting. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth. Originally published for LifeSpeak in 2010. About 30% of employed Canadians, approximately 3 million, work shift—non-standard work hours that cover a wide variety of work schedules. Shift work can consist of fixed shifts or shifts that rotate or change according to a set schedule. The length of shifts can vary between 8 to 12 hours. Shift work is critical to our economy due to our society’s need for around-the-clock provision of medical, transportation, and protection services. Shift work is also common in industrial work, mines, and in workplaces where technical processes cannot be interrupted without affecting the product and/or where expensive equipment is used more profitably when in constant operation.
Although shift work is a job requirement for many employees, there are a number of workers who choose shift work because it allows for more free time or enables their families to manage child care needs. Interest in the effects of shift work on people has grown because many experts have pointed to rotating or extended shifts for the “human error” connected with nuclear power plant incidents, air crashes, and other catastrophic incidents. While shift work is essential to the economy and may be a necessary choice for some, researchers have found compelling evidence that working shift takes a physical and psychological toll on workers. Many workers find that shift work disrupts their family and personal life, limiting their ability to participate in leisure and family activities and making it difficult to find or maintain long-term relationships with a spouse. This fact is important because of the correlation between amounts and quality of social interaction and physical and mental health. People who do shift work report fatigue as the most common health complaint. Dr. Joti Samra, Clinical Psychologist and Researcher and member of LifeSpeak’s Vancouver roster of expert speakers, points out that 1/3 of shift workers experience a severe clinical disturbance in their sleep in the form of shift work sleep disorder. Dr. Samra explains that this is a clinically recognized condition where a constant or recurrent pattern of sleep disruption results in insomnia or fatigue. Shift work has also been associated with cardiovascular disease, hypertension and gastrointestinal disorders, and for women, reproductive health problems and breast cancer. Researchers have identified three interrelated factors that contribute to the association of shift work and health issues:
Since it is not a practical possibility to eliminate shift work, employers can implement some strategies to reduce the effects of shift work on employees. The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends two levels where improvements can be made:
The Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety recommends several organizational strategies for reducing the effects of shift work.
By supporting employees through strategies that mitigate some of the very serious physical and mental health concerns brought on by shift work, organizations can lay the foundation for workers to address, on the individual level, the difficulties they face from the changes in eating, sleeping, and working patterns. Resources:
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the Workplace
LGBTQ+ individuals experience discrimination and harassment in the workplace. This directly and negatively impacts LGBTQ+ individuals’ mental health. So, when talking about workplace mental health, we need to pay special attention to groups, like the LGBTQ+ community, to actively work against this treatment to create psychologically safe spaces for all individuals. Facts About LGBTQ+ Workers The LGBTQ+ community has higher rates of unemployment, with rates spiking even higher for trans and nonbinary people. But unemployment is not the only issue. A U.K. report, one of the first of its kind, found that 7 in 10 LGBTQ+ people have been sexually harassed at work and two-thirds did not report it to their employer. The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy found 15% to 43% of gay and transgender workers faced some sort of workplace discrimination in the U.S.. Though it is important to note that the experience of discrimination and harassment is not consistent across the queer community:
Many organizations have come to understand the experiences that LGBTQ+ individuals face in the workplace and have created specific policies to be more inclusive. Some of these include; healthcare coverage for same-sex spouses, protocols for gender transition, and paid parental leave for same-sex couples and adoptive parents. Inclusive Workspaces – Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the WorkplaceThough creating inclusive workplace policies is a great first step, it’s just that – a first step. Workplace policies are not enough on their own to create safe and inclusive workplace environments and culture. So, what can companies and colleagues do to create a safe and inviting workplace for members of the LGBTQ+ community?
Supporting LGBTQ+ Co-workers Oftentimes when we find out a co-worker is part of the LGBTQ+ community, we want to show our support but don’t know the best way to do so. What are some (potentially well-meaning) things that shouldn’t be done in the workplace when it comes to LGBTQ+ co-workers?
As we learn about the queer community and the diversity of people within the community, it’s natural to want to know more. The number of recognized identities is growing and it can seem intimidating and complicated to those who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a great thing to be eager and willing to learn, and education is an important part of creating a more safe and inclusive environment for everyone. You might know someone who identifies within the LGBTQ+ community and figure they’re the best person to ask those burning questions. They might be, but they also may not. So, let’s talk about asking questions as this in an important part of supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace. What To Consider Before Asking Questions Before asking questions consider a few things:
Get Consent First It’s important to not only be cautious of who you’re asking, but also the questions you ask. It’s equally as important to ask for consent before asking a question. Asking for consent can be as simple as “can I ask you a question about X?” and waiting for an answer. It’s also important to be prepared to hear and respect the answer ‘no’. Questions Not to ask your LGBTQ+ Co-workers Here is a list of things to consider, as well as explanations as to why questions can be challenging to receive for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
Final Thoughts Supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging. Start with good intentions on fostering an inclusive space, educate yourself on the LGBTQ+ community and the issues they face in the workplace, and do want you can to create that safe space. Ensure policies are updated and followed, lead by example and train and workers within your organization. If you’re motivated to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community consider checking out sites like TheSafeZoneProject for terminology, PFLAG a website for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people, or GLAAD, an organization devoted to shaping conversations about LGBTQ+ folks. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Is someone you care about working themselves so hard it may be damaging to their health? Maybe they aren’t just exhausted, but are starting to isolate themselves? Or they’re tired enough that they’re putting themselves at risk every time they drive home – many people don’t consider the fact that tiredness at the point of exhaustion is the same as impaired driving. Or, they may be engaging in unhealthy behaviours such as excessive drinking or overeating as a way to self-soothe or self-medicate.
When putting in a few too many hours becomes a problem With overworking there are two major issues: The person’s decision to work an inordinate number of hours, and the resultant impacts on their health. Keep in mind that the person’s decision to work the number of hours they are working may not be completely voluntary. There are a number of reasons a person may need to – or feel they need to – work these hours, some of which may include: high living expenses or debts, significant changes to life circumstances, working following a period of unemployment or preparing for retirement. Have empathy & be kind Whatever their reason, try to understand where they are coming from. It can feel awful to be in a position where you are uncertain about your future, particularly as we age. They are probably worried about the future, as well as frustrated or even angry at themselves, or their past circumstances. The reality is that they may need to be working at the level they are to pay the bills or have the future they once imagined. Starting a conversation First, ensure the conversation takes place during a time when you are both feeling relaxed. Remember to keep the conversation light and supportive, and be mindful that they probably will have a lot of pride around these issues. Start with a conversation about their future and talk generally about what their hopes and dreams are. This may help you get a picture of what they’re working toward. Gently inquire about whether the means they are currently adopting (in other words, the hours worked) are necessary to achieve those goals. If appropriate, offer to help them with planning – you may suggest that they could find it helpful to sit down with a financial advisor who can map out plans in more detail. Key messages to communicate After you’ve had the opportunity to talk with your loved one about the future and gained some insight into their goals and underlying values associated with work, then, in a separate conversation, you can express your concerns about their health. Here are some suggestions about how to approach this topic:
Unfortunately, you can’t magically get your loved one to value their health more than work, but you can guide them toward possible solutions that improve the situation. Visit MyWorkplaceHealth.com for more workplace resources. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. |
PH&S ClinicEnhancing psychological health, wellness and resilience Archives
September 2025
Mental Health
All
|
RSS Feed
