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Do I have seasonal affective disorder

2/1/2025

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question:

I think I have seasonal affective disorder. How do I know for sure?

The answer:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), more commonly known as “the winter blues,” is a type of depression that impacts about two to three per cent of the general population. Many of us find that our mood and energy levels are affected by the weather: Warmer, sunnier days tend to lift our moods, while cold, rainy, dark days can make us feel gloomier. For a certain percentage of people, the weather (and in particular seasonal variations in light that come along with shorter days) has a more significant impact and can lead to the development of a particular subtype of clinical depression.
 
 
You may have SAD if you notice the following:
 
– A distinct seasonal pattern to your mood (i.e., very little or no depression symptoms during spring or summer months, when the days are longer)

– Persistently low, depressed mood that lasts for usually two to three months during winter months. November to February are the peak months.

– Depression symptoms (such as low mood, changes in appetite or weight, decreased energy or fatigue, sleep changes, avoidance of social situations) in the absence of other identifiable triggers or causes

– Improved mood if you are in a sunnier climate during the usual “high risk” winter months

We don’t understand very well why some people are so much more affected than others by weather and sunlight, but there seems to be a stronger biological/genetic component than with other types of depression.
 
There are a number of very effective strategies that can help lessen the impact of SAD:

– Make a point to spend more time outdoors during peak light hours (10am to 2pm), even if it’s only for 10 to 15 minutes during a coffee or lunch break.

– Arrange your home and work environments (if possible) to maximize your exposure to direct sunlight: Leave blinds and curtains open and try to be around windows that allow in natural light.

– By hypervigilant about taking care of yourself in the fall months, before the usual season dips in mood occur (i.e., exercise, eat a healthy diet, drink alcohol in moderation).
​

– Talk to a physician about the use of a light box; many people find that 10 to 20 minutes of artificial “light therapy,” usually prescribed to be taken first thing in the morning, has significant benefit.
 
In addition to the above, approaches that are effective for general depression, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy from a psychologist or psychiatric medication treatment, are also of significant value.
 
Useful information on Seasonal Affective Disorder and light therapy can be found at the Mayo Clinic site.

Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

Dealing with Grief During the Holidays

19/12/2024

 
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Dealing with Grief During the Holidays

Grief, following the death of someone we care about, takes a huge emotional toll on us. Somewhat surprisingly, many of us believe it shouldn’t take that long to “get over” the grief we experience. This is due to, at least in part, the fact that we’re given a relatively short amount of time to grieve – for example, only a handful of days off work, and often very little reprieve from other day-to-day demands of life. But grief is much more complicated than that and dealing with grief during the holidays can be particularly challenging.

How We Experience Grief

Grief is an incredibly personal process, and although the length of time that grief affects each of us will vary the first year is typically the most difficult. It’s the year of “firsts” as we have to experience each occasion for the first time without that special person. The first birthdays, the first Mother’s/Father’s Day and the first holiday season.
Know that it won’t always feel as hard as it does the first year. This person will continue to be someone you think of, they will have a presence in your memory, and they will be dearly missed, but it won’t always feel as challenging or deeply saddening as it does the first year.

So how do you get through the holidays, particularly that first year, when you’re feeling sadness and loss while also feeling you should be happier or celebrating?

How to Deal with Grief During the Holidays 

First, have an open and candid discussion with family (making sure the conversation is age-appropriate for children).
  • Be honest. Help them understand the sadness that’s felt this year and that celebrating may feel a bit more challenging despite the family’s love for the holiday season.
  • Be candid in conveying things may be a little lower key than usual, but that shouldn’t take away from them having fun or attempting to enjoy themselves. You may be surprised to learn that they also feel awkward about how to approach the season and may welcome the ability to speak openly about this.
​
2. Second, find a way to honour and incorporate the memory of your loved one in the season’s celebrations.
  • Involve the family in this discussion. If there are children, ask them how they think the loved one would like to be remembered, and what things could be done as a family to remember them.
  • Consider lighting a candle; pull out some of their favourite holiday decorations; go to a place or engage in an activity they loved; or visit their grave or a place where positive memories were shared.

Final Thoughts

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Often a big factor that holds us back from wanting to celebrate after a loved one passes relates to guilt – guilt at being happy when our loved one is no longer here. We may feel like we don’t have the right to celebrate when their life has ended, or somehow feel we are betraying their memory if we are having fun. Know that none of these things are true. Enjoying and celebrating the present, with the family who’s there, in no way negates the love for the loved one that has passed.
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The best way to honour the memories of those we have lost is to maximize our enjoyment of our loved ones while they are alive.
 
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated.

Spending Less Time with Your Family over the Holidays

12/12/2024

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
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Spending Less Time with Family Over the Holidays

When big changes happen in your life, like a new relationship, getting engaged, getting married, having children, other things in your life are also going to change – one of those things is holiday traditions. You will, over time, create new traditions with your family – that is, both your extended families and, down the road, your nuclear family if you choose to have kids. So, spending less time with your family over the holiday may make sense but talking about it isn’t necessarily easy.

Family Relationships and Shame

There’s no shame in wanting to change holiday traditions or wanting to spend more time with your partner’s family over your own. Though do note that shame is one of the most toxic and harmful emotions we can experience. It makes us feel inferior, worthless and wrong and is often associated with a critical voice that tells us we should feel or act in a way that’s different than how we actually have.

How to Manage the Changing Traditions this Holiday Season

So, the first step in managing new traditions is to work on rephrasing how you feel.

If you still want to maintain a relationship with your own family it may feel challenging to tell them you’d like to spend less time with them during the holidays. So, the way you break the news to them can make all the difference.

Ask yourself two questions:
  1. How do you want your family to feel about you when you tell them you will see them less often over holidays?
  2. What can you do to minimize any hurt feelings?

You want them to first understand the decision isn’t an easy one for you and that you have mixed emotions about your decision (small white lies don’t hurt in these situations); and second, not begrudge you for your decision.

When we struggle with how to approach a conversation, a number of factors get in the way. We don’t know what to say or how to say it; we get caught up in over-thinking the talk, worrying about all the possible – and often unlikely – outcomes; we let our own emotions, like anxiety or fear, get the way; we can’t decide what we really want; or we find that external factors, like how your family may react, are an impediment. We have an element of control over all but the last of these factors.

Tips on how to have this conversation with your family:
  1. Approach the conversation in a gentle way.
  2. Acknowledge and validate any feelings your family may communicate to you, even if it’s sadness that you won’t be around.
  3. Let them know that in fairness to your partner, you want to spend time with their family as well.
  4. Then come up with a solution that works for both of you, such as alternating which family you spend the holidays with by year.
Ultimately, you and your partner have to come up with your own family traditions that satisfy both of you.

Final Thoughts

It’s also important to note that no one should feel obligated to spend time with family over the holidays. Just because we are related to someone does not mean that having a relationship with them is necessary or even healthy. So, if any members of your family are abusive, toxic or otherwise problematic you are not obligated to spend time with them – even during the holidays.

Also, it’s always important to take care of ourselves, and this is particularly true during the holiday season, with the holidays being emotionally charged in a number of ways and the days being shorter which can have an impact on our psychological health and wellness. So, make sure to take care of yourself this Christmas and engage in parties and traditions that are going to be healthy for you.

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated.

I hate New Year's resolutions!

28/12/2023

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question:
 
New Year’s always makes me anxious. All this talk of resolutions, starting fresh and getting everything done – why? Between problems with my marriage, children and work, I know I have a lot to figure out – but New Year’s just gives everyone I know a chance to ask insensitive questions about how am I going to change things in the next 365 days. How do I make it stop?
 
The answer:
 
Any time we have a strong emotional reaction to a situation, we should ask ourselves two key questions: Is my reaction accurate, realistic or appropriate given the situation? And if the intensity of the reaction seems mismatched to the situation, what is it that I am truly reacting to?
 
The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions is a common one across the world. The new year, for many people across cultures and societies, represents a new start and new beginning. Virtually all people have rituals and traditions to celebrate the onset of a new year.
 
So why has the tradition of resolutions been adopted and why has it stuck in so many parts of the world? What resolutions provide are an opportunity to reflect on the past and think about improvements one wants to make to their life. They symbolize a commitment to achieve personal goals, complete projects or break bad habits. Time and time again, the most common resolutions relate to diet, weight, smoking or substance use.
 
Are resolutions themselves indicative of anything? If you look at the statistics, the answer is no. I came across one study that indicated 94 per cent of people forget what their resolution is by July! So why do people continue to make them? I think it really comes down to a light and fun tradition that ultimately reflects our wishes and hopes for positive future changes. I believe that all of us are fundamentally works in progress, and an important part of our personal journey involves identifying – and makes changes to – areas of our lives we are less than satisfied with.
 
Your reaction, however, seems to represent something starkly different from a light, fun way to reflect on change. You indicate you have problems in important parts of your life, that you have a lot to figure out. Your perception of insensitivity seems to be a projection of the dissatisfaction you have with your life more than anything else.
 
I would encourage you to spend some time thinking about why you are having such an intense reaction. It sounds like you are frustrated with life situations you may feel you have little to no control over. Ask yourself what changes you may want to make in your life, and what your perceived barriers are to making those changes.
 
Maybe you aren’t in a position where you are able or wanting to make the changes you need, which is a perfectly acceptable. However, your dissatisfaction has very little to do with the question-askers.
 
The answer to your question of how to make it stop is a simple one: You can’t stop others’ questions. Period. You can, however, abort the conversation with a simple, lightly delivered line: “I don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions. What are yours?”

​Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

How do I survive Christmas with my difficult family

21/12/2023

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question:

I’m dreading seeing certain members of my family over the holidays. I wish I enjoyed spending time with them more but I end up feeling tense and uncomfortable. How can I make the best of it?
 
The answer:

You are not alone: The holidays are one of the most stressful times of the year for many people.

Most of us are trying to do too much in too little time at this time of year. December and January are months where we incur the highest amounts of debt. The dark and dreary days negatively impact mood for many people and can compound existing stressors. Add to the mix the fact this is one of the only times of year that we are thrown together with our relatives – whether we like them are not – and you have a perfect recipe for stress!

There are a number of things you can do to make the holidays go more smoothly:
 
  • Have realistic expectations. Remind yourself that most people are experiencing the same tensions. We are bombarded with images in the media of what the “perfect family” looks like: In actuality, there is no such thing. The reality is that most families deal with significant issues at this time, regardless how what it looks like from the outside.
  • Don’t try to solve all of the long-standing family feuds. If you have had 15 years of conflict with your sister, and nothing has been done to address the core issues to date, chances are that the problems will still be there. Trying to delve into the “big issues” over the holidays usually turns out badly. Go in with your eyes wide open, not expecting or hoping that things will somehow have magically changed.
  • Have some alone time. End-of-year work deadlines, social events with friends and family obligations can all lead to a hectic schedule. Don’t feel you have to say yes to every invite that comes your way.
  • Ensure good self-care. Our stress levels are more manageable when we feel good physically. Avoid temptations to overeat. Keep up with your usual exercise routine. Try to stick to a regular sleep schedule. And remember that although alcohol in small amounts can seem to help with tension and discomfort, it is a depressant and can actually worsen our stress levels.
  • Create new traditions. If you have extremely difficult relatives, the company of great friends may be exactly what you need. Invite a friend you love to your family dinner. Host a joint family dinner with a neighbour (people tend to be on better behaviour with others). Spend a day volunteering at a shelter. Consider going away for the holidays. Think about what’s best for you and don’t try to make everyone happy.
 
Finally, try to find what humour you can in your family situation. Remind yourself that the season will soon be over, and you will get through it like you do every year.

Help: My 12-year-old still believes in Santa

7/12/2023

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question:

My 12-year-old still believes in Santa. It’s embarrassing, but he’s still so hopeful and it’s endearing. I feel responsible. How do I tell him without crushing his spirit?
 
The answer:

The short answer? Tell him the truth. The longer answer is that, for me, one of the most amazing things about children is the innocence and enthusiasm of their beliefs. Parents can feel heartbroken, shattering these beliefs with the reality of life – particularly when they have such awe about the wonders of the world.
 
However, this is a part of raising a child and preparing them for the real world. Remember that children can be cruel, and given that he is of an age where the majority of kids know and accept that Santa does not exist – let him know sooner rather than later so that he is not unnecessarily teased.
 
Keep in mind that our modern day Santa has several core roots, including Saint Nicholas who was a historical saint and bishop from the 4th Century. So, there is in fact a historic Santa that does exist – just not the way your son (and most other children) believe. This is important to communicate to him when you break the news – so that he does not feel that he has been told a completely fabricated piece of information.
 
See this as a teaching opportunity. You can introduce the topic by telling your child of Saint Nicholas and how he was recognized and admired for his secret gift-giving. You can talk about the value behind unconditional giving to those that are less fortunate and in need.
 
And then you can gently let your son know that there are actually many “Santa-type” people in the world – that care for and give to others, such as parents, grandparents and other loved ones. Depending on his intellectual maturity, you can describe to him that the Santa portrayed in the media and in the public is a metaphor for or a symbol of those that give.
 
And ultimately you can let him know that it is you, not the big man in red, who provides him with gifts.
 
He may get upset or tearful. He may ask you why you have lied – and you should be honest. State that this is part of the tradition of Christmas, it is part of what makes Christmas fun, and that virtually all other kids (and likely you, at one point) believe in Santa.
 
Remember – parents have been breaking the news that Santa really doesn’t exist for decades, and will continue to do so with no evidence of any long term damage to kids.

Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “
Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

6 Tips to Manage Your Mental Health During the Holidays

29/12/2022

 
By Kristin Bower, leadership and workplace consultant with MyWorkplaceHealth
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Some of us love everything about the holiday season – cookies, music, gifts! And some of us have a harder time with it all, even at the best of times. Perhaps you are grieving the loss of a loved one or find yourself alone in a new city. Or maybe you just don’t like all the commercialism that can come with this time of year. Regardless of what is happening in each of our individual lives, the holiday season can often pose unique challenges for us. So, we put together some tips on how to manage your mental health during the holidays.
 

How to Manage Your Mental Health During the Holidays 

Here are six tips to help you enjoy the holiday season while minimizing the negative impact on your mental health:
  1. Stay in the moment: You start writing your gift list and then it turns into pages of holiday season to-dos. Before long, you are already worrying about all the things that need to get done (or maybe this year you’re sad about the lack of things to do). When you find your mind racing ahead, take a deep breath, remind yourself to stay present in the moment and enjoy that moment. Have a cup of tea, put on some music and sit quietly. Or, get up and go for a walk outside – be mindful of the sights and sounds around you. Consider practicing mindfulness – learn how with Dr. Joti. 
  2. Keep things simple: Do you feel inspired or overwhelmed by the images on social media that show perfectly decorated homes and elaborate family meals? It’s easy to get carried away and want to do it all. But here is the truth: perfection is unattainable. Aim for your own version of perfection and embrace everything that comes with it.
  3. Don’t overspend: Your gift list may start with four people and before you know it you have added your next-door neighbour, your hairdresser and the dog walker. The costs can add up quickly! Be creative with gift-giving. Create a list, set a budget and stick with it. Come January when your credit card balance is low and your bank account still has money in it, you’ll be thankful!
  4. Balance your indulgences: It’s the season of “eat, drink and be merry.” It can be fun to indulge but do so with a plan to ensure you don’t go overboard. This year it may be particularly challenging for some not to overindulgence with alcohol. Keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant so it can make you feel worse. If you’re going to be consuming alcohol remember to do so in moderation and follow every drink with a glass of water. 
  5. Practice gratitude: Gratitude has been scientifically proven to have a positive effect on the chemicals in the brain. One of the biggest impacts of gratitude on our mental health? It helps to reduce stress. Start a New Year’s Resolution a month early and begin practicing gratitude. Each day or before you go to bed at night, write down three things you’re grateful for. Gratitude can shift your perspective and help to reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety.
  6. Create new traditions. Many of us aren’t going to be able to engage in the traditions we are so fond of this holiday season. Find nostalgia in the little things and create new traditions. Maybe we can find some comfort in decorating our house or the little things that bring back positive memories such as smells and sounds. Dig up those old Christmas records or CDs and have a dance party, or buy a scented candle. Watch that traditional Christmas movie with your family online. Or create a whole new set of traditions with your household. This year is your chance to be creative. 
 
Final Thoughts

Try to find gratitude in the things we do have, find creative solutions to our traditions or make new ones, and stay in the moment.
 
Adapted from Kristin Bower’s Original Article on MyWorkplaceHealth.com

Kristin Bower is a Leadership and Workplace Consultant with MyWorkplaceHealth and an award-winning Diversity and Inclusion expert. With over 20-years of experience, she is an outspoken advocate for a deeper awareness of mental health issues and is committed to helping organizations foster psychologically safe and healthy workplaces.

My mother died last Christmas. How do I even celebrate this year?

22/12/2022

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth 
The question:
 
My family loves the holidays. But last year, my mother passed away around this time, which was an incredibly sad time for everyone. I took it especially hard. Now that it’s a year later, there’s a weird feeling in the air, for me at least, that the holidays won’t be the same ever again. My husband and two daughters are usually a very festive family, but I’m worried I’ll forever associate her death with the holidays. I don’t want to be a drag. How can I grieve for and remember my mother, without depressing the spirit of the season?
 
The answer:
 
My sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. Nine years ago my father died – unexpectedly and at a very young age – around this time of the year, so I can understand how difficult this is not only from a professional perspective, but also from a personal one.
 
The death of someone dear to us takes a huge toll on the happiness and joy we may usually experience around the holidays. I can promise you it won’t always feel as hard as it does this year. You will always think of and remember your mom, and miss her presence, but you won’t always feel the depth of sadness that you are right now.
 
The year of “firsts” is always the most difficult: the first birthdays, the first Mother’s Day – and the first holiday season. Give yourself permission to be easy on yourself this year.
 
Two things I would suggest: First, have an open and candid discussion with your husband and your daughters. This conversation should be age-appropriate, given the developmental stage your girls are at. Be honest. Let them know that you know how much your family loves the holidays, but this year you are feeling sad and not in a very celebratory mood.
 
Be candid in conveying that you want them to have fun, but you want things to be a little lower key than usual. You may be surprised to learn that they also feel awkward about how to approach the season and may welcome you speaking openly about this, particularly if they have observed the impact your mother’s death has had on you over the past year.
 
Second: Find a way to honour and incorporate the memory of your mother in the season’s celebrations. Involve your girls in this discussion. Ask them how they think Grandma would like to be remembered, and what things you could do as a family to remember her. You could light a candle; pull out some of her favourite Christmas decorations; go to a place or engage in an activity she loved; or visit her grave or a place where you have shared positive memories with her.
 
Often a big factor that holds us back from wanting to celebrate after a loved one passes relates to guilt – guilt at being happy when our loved one is no longer here. We may feel like we don’t have the right to celebrate when their life has ended, or somehow feel that we are betraying their memory if we are having fun. Know that none of these things are true.
 
Enjoying and celebrating the present, with your family who is with you, in no way negates the love you’ve had for your mother. The best way to honour the memories of those we have lost is to maximize our enjoyment of our loved ones while they are alive.

​Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

My ex-wife has the kids for Christmas this year. What do I do?

15/12/2022

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth ​
The question:
 
I divorced my wife earlier this year. We had been married nine years and have two young children, but it just wasn’t working out. We agreed she gets to have the children this Christmas. But there’s honestly nothing I loved more than Christmas morning with my children. I’m not looking forward to Dec. 25 any more. I don’t know how to get over missing them – and how can I even start a new tradition if I’m alone?
 
The answer:
 
A divorce, particularly when children are involved, can be one of the hardest life experiences to deal with. Certain times of the years (holidays, birthdays) amplify the pain that comes along with not having your once-intact family configuration.
 
Your goal should not be to get over missing them (as that is a normal reaction from a loving parent) but rather to find a “new normal.” This won’t happen immediately, and having that expectation will only make the situation harder. So first: Accept that this will be a difficult year, and you will likely feel sad and miss your kids – but it will get better with time (it may sound clichéd, but time does always heal).
 
Missing your kids – and the sadness and loneliness that comes along with that – is not an emotion to shove away. Our emotions are a signal to our brain and body that we are experiencing something that impacts an important part of our life and what we value. Those emotions validate that how much your kids mean to you, how much family means to you, and that you wish the situation to be different. All too often we want to shove away our negative emotional states. But that rarely turns out well, as emotions often rear their heads later on. So allow yourself – give yourself permission – to experience the sadness this year.
 
Our emotions also provide us with the motivation to take some kind of action, to do something differently. You said that you and your wife agreed that she gets to have the children this Christmas. Could you have an honest conversation with her about how you are feeling? Let her know that your intent is not to renege on your agreement, but you didn’t realize how sad you’d feel about not seeing the kids this year. Ask her if there is some compromise the two of you could come to: Maybe you could have some time with them in the afternoon or evening? Let her know that you will be flexible with her time with them when it comes to next Christmas.
 
If this is unacceptable to her for whatever reason, perhaps you could find a way to speak to them by phone or Skype during the day? Or, choose another day to be your family Christmas day – Dec. 25 is just an arbitrary day, after all. For example, if the kids are with you on Boxing Day, you could celebrate Christmas that date instead.
 
I would encourage you to be proactive in planning how you will spend your time on Christmas. You may have a natural urge to withdraw and isolate yourself, but that will just amplify your low mood. Even though you may not feel like it at all, there is tremendous value in being around people you love and care about to help you through this first Christmas. At the very least, make plans with other family and friends. You’ll feel much better for it.
 
Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.


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How do I survive my holiday work party?

8/12/2022

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth 
The question:

I’m extremely shy and worried about the upcoming holiday season and all the socializing that comes with it. Usually I skip most events but this year I can’t get out of the work holiday party. How do I cope?

The answer:

Such social events can be a tremendous source of stress if you tend to be shy or introverted. So know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Although the natural urge is to skip events that create anxiety, avoidance of these situations counter-intuitively makes anxiety worse in the long-term (even though it can work to reduce the anxiety in the short-term). Avoiding things that feel uncomfortable tricks our mind into thinking that there is something harmful or dangerous about the situation, which is usually not the case.

Rest assured that there are a number of things you can do to help make the evening go more smoothly.

First, ask yourself what specifically are you nervous about? For most people a significant source of stress relates to making “small talk” with people, particularly those they don’t know well. People like to talk about themselves, so a good strategy is to go to the party prepared with questions you can ask others (this can help take the spotlight off of you). You could have questions prepared such as “I don’t know much about what you do in the company; tell me a bit about your position.” Ask what others have planned for the holidays. If they have kids, ask about their children.

Worrying about “looking” anxious can be another source of anxiety. It can feel difficult to look calm when you are at an event you wish you could leave. Be mindful of making eye contact with others. Smile. Ensure good posture with your shoulders back and head up. Positioning your body and doing things that make you look more confident can help you feel more confident.

​Hold a glass in your hand (with water or a non-alcoholic beverage) and take a sip if there is a break in the conversation. This can help a pause feel more natural, and can also give your hands something to do. Although it can be tempting to rely on alcohol as it seems to help with tension and anxiety, ensure your alcohol intake is moderate.
 
If guests are allowed, take a partner or close friend with you, or, if you can, make plans to attend with a colleague that you know well. A person you are comfortable with can help serve as a buffer and lessen your anxiety.
 
For more tips, consider The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook, by Martin M. Anthony and Richard P. Swinson. It provides step-by-step techniques to manage anxiety in social situations using proven cognitive-behavioural principles.
 
Finally, feel free to arrive late and leave the party early – there’s no rule that says you have to stay the entire time.

Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

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Dr. Joti Samra is a Founding Member of the CSA Technical Committee that developed the CSA National Standard for Psychological Health & Safety in the Workplace and informed the ISO standard
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