|
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question: There’s a group of us who hang out, and we are pretty sure that one of our friends is gay. We don’t care, we just wish he wouldn’t hide it if that’s the case. Should we ask him outright? The answer: Coming out is a deeply personal process that can be immensely difficult and challenging. I’m happy to hear that among your group, your friend’s sexuality is irrelevant (in a good way) and a non-issue when it comes to how you view him. It sounds like you will accept and support him when he does choose to come out. Whether you should ask him outright is a tricky issue. On one hand, there’s something to be said for communicating to him that you accept him regardless of his sexuality. However, you need to balance that openness with the need to not put him in a position where he’s forced to come out when he’s not ready. Asking him outright may put him in awkward position, and you need to respect that he will come out when he feels he is personally ready to do so. He may also feel that it’s important that he first comes out to certain people in his life – like his family – before anyone else, even your group of friends. Consider the myriad challenges your friend may be facing. He may be going through the personal challenge of accepting his own sexuality before he comes out to others. He may be unsure how to tell those close to him. He may not be sure what reaction he will get from family and friends – those that he cares about and whose opinions matter to him. The best thing you and your friends can do is ensure that you are mindful of actions that may inadvertently create an unsupportive environment. Pay attention to the language you use and the jokes you make. It often stuns me how frequently people, just in day-to-day conversation, with no malicious intent, use words that can alienate someone who is gay. Also, take some time to learn more about the experiences people have when they first come out, so you can better understand what your friend may be going through. PFLAG Canada has links to a range of resources and support agencies that you may find helpful. Pay attention to your friend’s behaviour: It may be indirect communication he is giving about his sexuality. Think about your responses to him. Not uncommonly, people “test the waters” with those close to them before they come out, by observing how people react to seemingly neutral situations or stories. Whenever the opportunity arises, let your friend know what he means to you and what qualities you value in him. If it is appropriate and not awkward, try to convey that you would accept him no matter what. When he does come out, offer to support him however you best can in coming out to other friends, family or coworkers. And, most importantly, let him know how you feel – which is that his sexuality makes no difference to how you view him and your friendship. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  How to be a good LGBTQ+ Ally
LGBTQ+ individuals experience discrimination and harassment; this directly and negatively impacts their mental health, and LGBTQ+ adults are more than twice as likely to experience mental health conditions and are at higher risk for suicidal thoughts and behaviour. Homophobic/queerphobic slurs are the biggest contributor to the harassment of LGBTQ+ people at work, and in general. Most of the time these slurs are used unconsciously and are not intended to be harmful. Though regardless of the intent these words do cause harm. So here are some tips on how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally: 1) Educate yourself on the LGBTQ+ community.Knowledge is power, this not only helps you to have the information you need to approach LGBTQ+ people with respect, but it gives you the opportunity to support them through starting to educate others as with some of the examples below.
2) Don’t make assumptions. Assumptions are typically based on stereotypes as well as conflate heterosexuality as the ‘norm’. A simple change we can make to be more inclusive of LGBTQ+ people is to not make assumptions about gender identity based on the way someone looks as well as not assuming the gender of someone’s partner. 3) Don’t ever out someone. If someone comes out to you that means they trust you, so don’t break that trust by outing them to others. 4) Be conscious of your language. We form habits around the use of some words or phrases and sometimes forget the intent behind those words. For example; ‘that’s so gay’. Although this phrase is becoming less common it used to be used to describe something that was seen as negative. Take a moment to think about how using phrases such as this could have a negative impact on people in the LGBTQ+ community. 5) Don’t let slurs slide. Addressing others’ use of slurs can be a bit more challenging. When addressing problematic language consider the context of the situation, it may make more sense to bring it up with the person later rather than confronting them in public or in front of friends or colleagues for example. Consider whether or not they’re using the slur intentionally. If you are unsure assume they’re not, approach the situation calmly and explain that their use of language is offensive. Consider asking them questions regarding the reasoning behind the use of this language. 6) Don’t allow others to make queerphobic jokes. Simply asking someone to explain the punchline of a problematic joke can help them to understand why it is problematic. 7) Stand up for others. This may look like standing up against harassment or bullying, this is particularly important in the workplace. But it can also mean ensuring that everyone is treated equally, for example; making sure that people are using the correct name and pronouns for someone. 8) Make space for LGBTQ+ voices. Final Thoughts When you first start to learn about the LGBTQ+ community and how to be an advocate for your friends and co-workers it can feel a bit daunting. Don’t worry, that’s normal. There is a lot of diversity in the LGBTQ+ community and you are not going to gain a comprehensive understanding of the community overnight. But we all have to start somewhere, educating ourselves on the basics and being able to recognize problematic language and behaviour is a great place to start. Know that you don’t have to be an expert to stand up and let someone know that their words or behaviours are problematic. The first step in being a good LGBTQ+ ally is your intention to do so. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’m in my first real same sex relationship. After hiding my sexuality for years, I am finally ready to admit I am a lesbian. The woman I’m with doesn’t want to define me as her ‘girlfriend’ as she’s not admitting that she’s a lesbian. But we hang out every day, and I’m in love with her. My friends are worried about the lack of labels and defined commitment – I’m not, but should I be? The answer: The road to acknowledging and openly coming out about your sexuality can be a challenging and emotional one – so congratulations on taking what were likely some very difficult steps. It can be a wonderful and liberating feeling to no longer have to hide a core part of who you are from others. It may feel both exciting and scary to start to now embark on dating and relationships. Many individuals will say that starting to date after they first come out feels like adolescence all over again – which can be fun but also nerve-wracking at the same time! It is natural to be experiencing a range of emotions, including some nervousness, anxiety or insecurity. You may be having a number of questions about what you want out of a relationship and a partner. Defining and putting labels on the relationship is only important as it isto you – this is true for anyone, whether in a same or opposite sex relationship. You need to first ask yourself what it is that you want in a relationship at this stage of your life. As you well know from personal experience, the journey one takes to get to the point of coming out is a very personal one and can be made complicated by a number of factors. It sounds like you are at a stage where you are ready to openly and fully be in a relationship. You need to ask yourself whether you will truly be happy with someone who is at a different stage of acceptance about their sexuality. Selfishly, will you get what you need and want from this woman? You say this is your first “real” same-sex relationship. What is that you mean by “real”? You say that you hang out every day and that you are in love with her. Is there physical intimacy in your relationship? How does she feel about you? How does she define your relationship and how would she describe you and your relationship to others? You also say friends of yours are worried. Assuming that these are friends that love and care for you, and that have your best interests at heart, I wonder about where their concerns are coming from. I would ask them. Perhaps they have a perspective on your wants and desires that is hard for you to see right now. Although I don’t by any means want to convey that you should just blindly listen to your friends, often those we care about can see things that we are unwilling or unable to see when decisions get clouded by what our love for another. Ensure that you are getting what you need and what would make you truly happy in a relationship. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the Workplace
LGBTQ+ individuals experience discrimination and harassment in the workplace. This directly and negatively impacts LGBTQ+ individuals’ mental health. So, when talking about workplace mental health, we need to pay special attention to groups, like the LGBTQ+ community, to actively work against this treatment to create psychologically safe spaces for all individuals. Facts About LGBTQ+ Workers The LGBTQ+ community has higher rates of unemployment, with rates spiking even higher for trans and nonbinary people. But unemployment is not the only issue. A U.K. report, one of the first of its kind, found that 7 in 10 LGBTQ+ people have been sexually harassed at work and two-thirds did not report it to their employer. The Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy found 15% to 43% of gay and transgender workers faced some sort of workplace discrimination in the U.S.. Though it is important to note that the experience of discrimination and harassment is not consistent across the queer community:
Many organizations have come to understand the experiences that LGBTQ+ individuals face in the workplace and have created specific policies to be more inclusive. Some of these include; healthcare coverage for same-sex spouses, protocols for gender transition, and paid parental leave for same-sex couples and adoptive parents. Inclusive Workspaces – Supporting LGBTQ+ People in the WorkplaceThough creating inclusive workplace policies is a great first step, it’s just that – a first step. Workplace policies are not enough on their own to create safe and inclusive workplace environments and culture. So, what can companies and colleagues do to create a safe and inviting workplace for members of the LGBTQ+ community?
Supporting LGBTQ+ Co-workers Oftentimes when we find out a co-worker is part of the LGBTQ+ community, we want to show our support but don’t know the best way to do so. What are some (potentially well-meaning) things that shouldn’t be done in the workplace when it comes to LGBTQ+ co-workers?
As we learn about the queer community and the diversity of people within the community, it’s natural to want to know more. The number of recognized identities is growing and it can seem intimidating and complicated to those who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a great thing to be eager and willing to learn, and education is an important part of creating a more safe and inclusive environment for everyone. You might know someone who identifies within the LGBTQ+ community and figure they’re the best person to ask those burning questions. They might be, but they also may not. So, let’s talk about asking questions as this in an important part of supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace. What To Consider Before Asking Questions Before asking questions consider a few things:
Get Consent First It’s important to not only be cautious of who you’re asking, but also the questions you ask. It’s equally as important to ask for consent before asking a question. Asking for consent can be as simple as “can I ask you a question about X?” and waiting for an answer. It’s also important to be prepared to hear and respect the answer ‘no’. Questions Not to ask your LGBTQ+ Co-workers Here is a list of things to consider, as well as explanations as to why questions can be challenging to receive for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
Final Thoughts Supporting LGBTQ+ people in the workplace doesn’t have to be challenging. Start with good intentions on fostering an inclusive space, educate yourself on the LGBTQ+ community and the issues they face in the workplace, and do want you can to create that safe space. Ensure policies are updated and followed, lead by example and train and workers within your organization. If you’re motivated to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community consider checking out sites like TheSafeZoneProject for terminology, PFLAG a website for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people, or GLAAD, an organization devoted to shaping conversations about LGBTQ+ folks. By Emory Oakley. Emory is a writer and LGBTQ+ educator who regularly discusses the intersections of queer identities and mental health.  The Learning Process
“You aren’t supposed to do anything for Valentine’s Day, it’s your boyfriends’ job to buy you flowers and take you out for dinner!” This was the first piece of advice I was given about Valentine’s Day at fifteen years old. It was my first Valentine’s Day in a relationship. And as a bit of a late bloomer, I was nervous and excited in anticipation. But, of course, I was unsure and not confident. Even though this happened prior to coming out, being given that advice, I already knew Valentine’s Day was not designed for me. I was assigned female at birth but never fit into the traditional expectations of what a girl was ‘supposed’ to be. As a young child, it was acceptable to be a tomboy. So, I wasn’t directly confronted with my gender until I hit puberty and was at the age where people start dating. Even then, I didn’t know gender was the issue – I just knew I didn’t fit into people’s expectations. And that made me realize how uncomfortable I felt in my body. Not surprisingly, Valentine’s Day never got easier for me. I never understood why boys didn’t want me to buy them flowers and write them poetry. Coming Out I’ve always been a ‘love with my entire existence’ kind of boy. But when I was pretransition and in relationships with straight boys, this was entirely misunderstood. These boys almost always wanted to be the ones to ‘take care of me’ in the traditional heternormative sense. So, it was continually reinforced that Valentine’s Day was not made for me. As I embraced my queerness and started to engage in less traditional styles of relationships. It became glaringly obvious that the reason I never felt like Valentine’s Day was made for me was that my identity was never represented. The focus of Valentine’s Day is heterosexual, monogamous, sexual and traditional romantic relationships. But not only was my relationships and identity not represented, neither were so many others. So, coming out as queer gave me the context as to why I never like Valentine’s Day. And for me, clearly, it was never about being single. But my queer identity gave me permission to look at it differently. Valentine’s Day Today: Why I don’t celebrate it.Now, out as a queer trans man, I can happily say I choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day. But I do love getting the cheap candy the following day. This doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate the multiple ways love comes into my life. Valentine’s Day reinforces heteronormativity. And it does this through consumerism rather than actually focusing on healthy and happy relationships. These are things I personally have no interest in supporting. To me, love is about so much more than romance and that’s a common experience among those in the queer community. Many of us are rejected by or estranged from our families so we create our own chosen families. These relationships are different from close friendships among heterosexual people. They have a different level of intimacy and love that cannot easily be defined. Even our romantic relationships don’t always fit into the traditional outline of what a relationship ‘should’ look like by heteronormative standards. I don’t really want to get too much into consumerism here, but the way Valentine’s Day has been structured around gift-giving and fancy date nights is problematic and classist. There are so many ways to show a person you love them – other than spending money or fancy dates. If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your loved one(s) consider some other options. A hand made gift or card, write a poem or a song, make a homemade dinner, have a queer movie night or do something else creative to celebrate your love in a way that makes sense in the context of your relationship. So, rather than celebrating Valentine’s Day, I choose to celebrate my queer love every day of the year. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’ve been in a relationship for many years with the same guy. I love him, but I’ve recently discovered I might be more attracted to members of the same sex. Should I tell him? Should I end it? Is there something psychologically wrong with me? The answer: First and foremost, there is absolutely nothing that is psychologically wrong with you for having questions about your sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to one’s sense of personal and social identity based on emotional, romantic or sexual attraction (to one or both sexes), the behaviours that are expressed as a result, and membership in a community of those who share that orientation (according to the American Psychological Association, 2008). One’s true sense of sexual orientation is not a choice – and can occur on a range, falling in one of three main categorizations: heterosexual (attracted to members of the opposite sex), homosexual (attracted to members of the same sex), and bisexual (attracted to members of the both sexes). Population survey data suggest that approximately 1 per cent of Canadians identify themselves as homosexual, and approximately 1 per cent identify themselves as bisexual. It certainly is not uncommon to love someone in a heterosexual relationship, yet find yourself attracted to members of the same sex. Questions about your orientation do not negate your love for your partner – but may impact the direction of your current and future relationships take. It would be important for you to explore issues around your sexual orientation further before you make any impulsive decisions about your relationship. If you feel that your partner is someone you could talk to openly, and without judgment, you could certainly gently raise the issue with him. You could assure him that you love him, and that you want to be completely open and honest with him so want to let him know that you have started to question whether you are more attracted to females. It is also perfectly appropriate for you to start to get some clarity on your own before you decide how to approach speaking with him, as this may be a difficult and emotional conversation to have. Confiding in a close friend may be a way to start talking about it and navigate your feelings. There are also a range of community agencies and professionals that specialize in issues around sexual orientation. You may want to explore some of these resources. Questioning your sexual orientation and making changes in your life (and communicating to loved ones about this) may be a difficult journey, and so I would encourage you to try to take care of yourself emotionally, and ensure that you have a strong community and support network to help you navigate through the coming weeks, months, and years. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Lior Ben- Avraham, MSW, DSW, RCSW  Trans-Affirmative Therapy This week we mark Trans Awareness Week, which ends with the Trans Day of Remembrance. Here at the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic, we remember and honour those trans individuals who have faced transphobia or lost their lives due to hate and discrimination. As a therapist who has worked extensively with the trans community, I know many trans folks still don’t have access to good mental health services. In honour of this week, and of my trans friends and clients, I will share some personal stories about the journey that brought me to specialize in trans-affirmative therapy. As well as some thoughts about fostering trans-inclusive practice. A word about terminology (because language is important). Although many terms exist in the literature, I will use the word transgender, or trans, as an umbrella term for any individual whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the gender they were assigned at birth (including but not limited to trans women, trans men, and non-binary people). Why is trans-affirmative therapy necessary?Transgender individuals still face enormous threats to their dignity and safety. Despite efforts to improve their security and welfare, throughout their lives they continue to face discrimination, microaggressions, and victimization. Manifestations of such behaviours occur everywhere, from the workplace to restrooms. Many studies establish that transgender individuals in Canada are significantly more likely to experience violence than their cisgender counterparts. Another study speculated transgender individuals are “the most targeted hate crime victim group in Canada” (Perry et al., 2014). The risk of violence is even greater for transgender people who are part of ethnic minorities. One study surveyed Indigenous transgender individuals in Ontario and found 73% of respondents suffered “violence due to being trans” (Scheim et al., 2013). Unsurprisingly, then, these harms contribute to disparate rates of suicide, anxiety, trauma, and depression among transgender individuals. The data is clear: trans people across all demographics and ranges of experience have high levels of attempted suicide. A 2014 study by the Williams Institute reported that 46% of trans men and 42% of trans women had attempted suicide (Herman et al., 2014). Yet, mental health services have not fully responded to the needs of transgender people. Unfortunately, growing evidence shows that trans people experience more concerns about engaging in therapy than their cisgender counterparts. This is due to a lack of providers who are trained in providing services to LGBTQ2+ individuals, and the limited availability of trans-inclusive counselling services. In light of this disturbing data, it’s imperative that professional counsellors who work with trans folks serve as social-change agents by developing specific competencies, attitudes, and skills to help this population. I hope sharing my personal narrative and my work experience will encourage some therapists to learn more about affirmative therapy, and some trans folks to seek the help they need with skilled professionals. How did I start my work with trans folks?My personal experience As with most people, my personal experiences are the foundation of my passion for the work I do. My commitment to the practice and research of clinical social work originated from my relatively unique background and life experiences. A son of parents in an uncustomary intrareligious marriage, my ‘coming-out moment’ was not a single event but a continuous journey of rejection, survival, resilience, and acceptance. Indeed, sharing my sexual orientation with my parents was a traumatic and emotionally devastating experience. However, this background, and living with overlapping identities, has given me a keen understanding of the lived experience and barriers facing LGBTQ2+ people, including trans individuals. While I identify as cisgender, and do not purport to have experienced the difficulties that trans folks face, I’ve connected with many trans people because we all suffered as a result of transgressing gender norms. Over time, it became clear that I must transform my lived experiences into a strength to engage, empower, and mentor populations that endure vulnerability. My work experience My path led me to focus my clinical practice on groups who have multilayered social identities and complex psychosocial conditions. That’s why I completed my practicum training at the Ali Forney Center in New York, the largest provider dedicated to homeless LGBTQ2+ youth in the U.S. A significant number of my clients there were trans individuals, and I learned a great deal from them. They were often kicked out of their homes and shunned by their families. They faced considerable discrimination, often compounded by racism and poverty. Almost a decade later, I worked at Three Bridges in Vancouver, in the Trans Specialty Care clinic, providing gender-affirming counselling to transgender individuals from Metro Vancouver. Although my work in these places was different, in both I felt honoured and privileged to help these clients in their journey to better lives. I got to witness the resilience and courage of my clients as they endeavour to live fully despite and beyond the limitations and challenges of their lives. I turned my barriers into an advantage, and I am deeply committed to using my experience and knowledge to help others to fulfill their human potential and build satisfying lives. What is trans-affirmative therapy?Trans-affirmative clinical practice refers to a non-pathologizing approach to clinical practice that accepts, respects, and validates all experiences and expressions of gender (Austin & Craig, 2015). Trans-affirmative practice rejects the male-female binary and instead fosters a trans-inclusive culture at the onset of the therapeutic relationship. Good trans-affirmative therapy requires constant learning on trans literacy. That means staying up to date on changes in terminology and about trans-affirming health care. Sometimes, it requires the clinic, or website, to change its forms; for example, making sure there is a place to include pronouns. As a trans-affirmative therapist, I focus on creating a trusting environment for my clients to safely share, understand, and explore their experiences. At the same time, I understand that trans people experience a host of issues beyond those related to gender identity and expression. A person-centred approach—emphasizing empathy and unconditional positive regard for the client—allows clients to feel secure in the client-therapist relationship and comfortable to explore their sexual orientation and gender identity and expression. I use strength-based and empowering trans-affirmative language while speaking with clients, and never make assumptions about any aspect of their lives. Trans-affirmative practice must acknowledge and facilitate conversation about the oppressive contexts that transgender clients often experience in our society and the healthcare system. We identify clients’ unique resiliencies, such as embracing self-worth and self-esteem, connection with a supportive community, cultivating hope for the future, and being a positive role model for others. How we move forwardI believe the “next frontier” is to help the counselling field integrate transgender-affirmative training for healthcare providers. The transgender community still faces challenges in access to all-inclusive mental health services. I’ve often seen good counselling services make a significant positive change in clients’ lives. Trans Awareness Week is a good time for clients to start their journey toward better lives and for therapists to think about how to better integrate services for transgender communities. References
Austin, A., & Craig, S. L. (2015). Transgender affirmative cognitive behavioral therapy: Clinical considerations and applications. Professional Psychology, Research and Practice, 46(1), 21-29. doi:10.1037/a0038642 Herman, J., Haas, A., & Rodgers, P. (2014). Suicide Attempts Among Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming Adults. UCLA: The Williams Institute. Retrieved from https://escholarship.org/uc/item/8xg806 Perry, B., Perry, B., Dyck, D. R., & Dyck, D. R. (2014). “I Don’t know where it is safe”: Trans Women’s experiences of violence. Critical Criminology (Richmond, B.C.), 22(1), 49-63. doi:10.1007/s10612-013-9225-0 Scheim, A. I., Jackson, R., James, L., Sharp Dopler, T., Pyne, J., & Bauer, G. R. (2013). Barriers to well-being for Aboriginal gender-diverse people: Results from the Trans PULSE Project in Ontario, Canada. Ethnicity and Inequalities in Health and Social Care, 6(4), 108–120. http://doi.org/10.1108/EIHSC-08-2013-0010 |
PH&S ClinicEnhancing psychological health, wellness and resilience Archives
April 2025
Mental Health
All
|
RSS Feed
