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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I recently had my second child – shouldn’t this be a happy time for a mother? But I feel lost. It’s like I’m not living my own life any more. Is that normal? What should I do? The answer: Having a baby can be one of the happiest moments in life … yet it is also high on the list of stressful life events. Most women experience myriad emotions after giving birth – excitement, happiness, elation and joy. In addition to the usual (expected) positive emotions, many women also experience low or sad mood, tearfulness, frustration or a sense of emptiness. These negative emotions are often a surprising reaction to what most feel should be a unilaterally happy event. This experience, however, is extremely common. As many as 75 per cent of moms will experience the “baby blues,” which in addition to low mood can also include a general feeling of flatness or emptiness. Unfortunately, however, many feel a sense of shame in terms of talking about their negative emotions. There are a number of factors that contribute to the baby blues. The delivery and postpartum process leads to significant hormonal changes. Progesterone levels – which play a role in mood, energy and libido, among other things – decrease dramatically to allow milk production to begin. There is a significant increase in adrenalin during delivery, and then a crash afterward. This, combined with the physical demands of birth and the associated sleep deprivation, understandably leads to a major impact on mood. In addition, there are substantive life changes that come along with the responsibility of caring for another human life. This can be compounded by already having one baby and can, not uncommonly, lead moms to feel overwhelmed and lost. Most women find that their mood will lift within a few weeks as they get used to the baby and their new schedule, as hormone levels stabilize, and as mom and baby get into a routine. Talking about how you are feeling to those that are close to you can help. Joining a moms’ baby group in your community can provide you with additional support and may help you feel that what you are experiencing is normal. Ask those close to you for help in day-to-day things that feel overwhelming (housecleaning, grocery shopping, meal preparation). Build in short windows of time in which your partner or other trusted friend or family member can watch the baby while you get some time to yourself. Build in self-care activities, such as taking an uninterrupted bath, going for a walk or getting a massage. If you are persistently feeling low, flat or empty for more than a month, you may benefit from seeking professional assistance. About one of 10 women will develop clinical levels of depression that are important to treat early on. Ask yourself if you are feeling low or flat more often than not for weeks or longer. Do you have a loss of interest in usual activities and things that you would normally enjoy? Are you experiencing significant appetite changes, persistent anxiety or pervasive irritability? If so, speaking to your nurse, midwife, doula or family doctor is important. They may suggest a referral to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. If at any point you feel you are at risk to harm yourself or your baby, immediately seek help and call 911. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I just had a baby and despite support from my husband and family, I feel completely overwhelmed. My doctor says these “baby blues” are normal. Are they? The answer: Having a baby falls at the top of the list when it comes to major life stressors, and feeling completely overwhelmed after the birth of a baby is so very common. So rest assured that you are not alone in how you are feeling. Many women will feel low, down, sad or tearful after the birth of a baby. Up to three quarters of women will experience these “baby blues” that typically last a few days to a few weeks. This is a very normal response to a significant life change which does resolve over time. This can feel highly confusing and upsetting to moms, though, as feeling low seems to be so at odds with the joy and happiness that one expects should be associated with having a baby. The baby blues are attributable to a number of factors. First, there are significant hormonal changes that occur in the days following delivery (progesterone levels decrease significantly to allow milk production to begin). There is an adrenaline crash following birth. This, combined with sleep deprivation very understandably leads to changes in mood. In addition, the reality of having a baby and having full responsibility for another life can feel overwhelming and anxiety provoking. But these are very normal feelings and they will resolve. Speak to your nurse, midwife or family doctor. Attend a parenting group where you can get the support of other new moms, or speak to a trusted friend or family member that already has had a child. The majority of women will start to find their mood improves within a few days or weeks, as they start to get more sleep and as hormonal changes start to regulate. About 10 per cent of women, however, will go on to develop post-partum depression, which refers to clinical levels of depression following the birth of a baby. If you are experiencing pervasive sadness or loss of interest in your usual activities for more than a month after your baby’s birth, more often than not, and this is also associated with changes in your appetite, recurrent crying episodes, and anxiety or irritability, seek help. Speak to a health professional such as your nurse, midwife, or family doctor. A referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist may help. There are a number of risk factors that can increase the likelihood of post-partum depression: a family history of depression; your own previous history of depression; and lack of social supports. If at any point you consider harming yourself or your baby, seek immediate help by calling 911. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  As humans, virtually all of our traits – even the ones we value – can cause difficulties in particular situations. For example, being sensitive and having strong emotional reactions is not in and of itself problematic – these traits also lead us to be high empathy and experience joyfulness and happiness.
However, being high in interpersonal sensitivity can make us more sensitive in our reactions to benign joking or teasing. This can directly impact our self-esteem and our relationships with others (like those doing the joking, for example). While we may not be able – or even want – to completely change these traits, we are often able to make conscious decisions that help us deal with these situations better. Where does sensitivity come from? Any personality trait or attribute exists along a continuum, and we all tend to have a set-point range where we fall along that continuum. The contributing factors are multiple, and ultimately a combination of nature and nurture:
Being sensitive is neither bad nor good, it just is There are great things that come along with being sensitive – sensitive people are more likely to experience intense positive emotions, tend to connect with others’ emotional experiences on a deeper level, are more attuned to changes in others’ moods, and have a strong ability to empathize with others. However, there are also downsides to being highly sensitive and emotional. Sensitive people are more likely to personalize things, interpret things with negative intent when it may not exist, and overreact negatively to what may be a perceived insult. They are also likely to ruminate over things that have been said or done by others, have a hard time letting go of the past, and experience deeper hurt when it comes to conflict in interpersonal relationships. Our thoughts shape our reactions When it comes to our emotional reactions, the single most important factor that shapes how we react is our thoughts and interpretations about the situation. If you are walking down the street, wave to an acquaintance you recently met at a party who ignores you, and think “I must have said something she didn’t like when we met” you are likely going to react negatively. If instead, you think (as people who are high in emotional resilience would) “she didn’t recognize me, seeing me here is out of context” or “she looked preoccupied with a phone call she was on” you will probably have little to no emotional reaction. So, how can we have better control over our emotional reactions, particularly as they relate to emotional sensitivity? 1. Identify the automatic thoughts and interpretations that come up for you in a particular trigger situation. What are you thinking, perceiving and believing? Be as specific as possible. 2. Ask yourself a few key questions:
3. Actively work on replacing the automatic negative/personalized thoughts with thoughts that are more accurate to the situation, based on a review of all of the evidence. A core part of our life’s work is to continue to build awareness of who we are, recognize the patterns and behaviours we engage in that may be negatively impacting us or those around us, and work to continually improve areas of weakness. The goal is not to do away with fundamental elements that make you who you are, but rather to embrace those attributes in a way that the positives are maximized and the negatives are minimized so that you are living an overall happier life. Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as part of a Globe and Mail “Ask the Psychologist” column authored by Dr. Samra, and has been edited and updated. |
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