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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’ve been divorced for a few years and have two children, 10 and 8. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year and half. I want to introduce my children to her, but I’m unsure if it’s too soon. My girlfriend wants to meet them as well and is very supportive. But I fear putting them in an uncomfortable emotional state, if perhaps something doesn’t work out or they struggle with the new person in my life. What should I do? The answer: It is extremely difficult for many people to gauge just what the right timing is for introducing a new partner into the lives of their children. Concern about distressing your kids, worry about their reaction and acceptance, and the uncertainty of your future with your partner are all very common, natural and valid concerns. But, here’s the bottom line: there is never going to be the perfect time to take this pivotal step. There are, however, multiple considerations for you to be mindful of before you proceed: how serious your relationship with your girlfriend is and whether you picture her in your future; the willingness, interest and expectations she has about being a part of your children’s lives; and the developmental and emotional state of your children. A year and a half is a pretty substantial period of time to be together. Ask yourself candidly where you see the relationship going – are you in love with her? Do you picture her in your foreseeable future? And most importantly do the two of you have shared values when it comes to the big ticket items – love, respect, kindness, fidelity? Her willingness and support when it comes to meeting your children is a positive sign. If you haven’t already, be sure that you have a discussion with her about your worries. Ask her what her expectations are for the role she wants in their lives. Does this match up with what you desire? Are there any hurdles you anticipate when it comes to your children’s biological mother’s acceptance of your girlfriend, and if so are you in a position to have a respectful, helpful conversation with your ex about how she feels about this next step? Are you able to enlist her support in speaking to your kids (if this is at all possible, it can be extremely helpful). There’s no perfect age for kids to be introduced to a new partner. Most children – kids, teens, and adults alike – are likely to have some mixed and negative feelings about the introduction of a new partner. The best thing you can do is prepare your children and given them some amount of control over the process. For all of us, having some element of control (even just perceived control) and predictability over potentially upsetting events helps us cope better. Let them know you have someone important in your life that you would like them to meet. Follow their lead with questions – and answer as honestly as you can (Is she your girlfriend? How long have you known her? Is she going to live with us?). Then let your children know you would like them to meet her. Be careful to not place them in the position of making a decision about whether or not they want to meet her (as that would place an undue burden on them) but where and when would work (“would you like her to come to our house for dinner one day, or would you like to meet her at the park?”). Reassure them that it’s ok if they feel confused about her being in your life. Make sure that throughout the process, you communicate two key messages: that your love for them will not in any way be impacted, and that your girlfriend will not take the place of their mother. Keep in mind that there is never any certainty about the future of any relationship, that your children will probably be upset for some period of time but they will adjust, and that you have a right to move forward in your personal life as well. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Vanessa Rouzier, RCC  Mindfulness can be defined as the action to observe what is happening while it is happening, in a non-judgmental and non-reactive way. While practicing mindfulness, you learn to pay attention to external stimuli (what you see, hear, touch, smell or taste) as well as internal stimuli (your body sensations, emotions and thoughts). One way to practice mindfulness is through mindful eating.
Science tells us being intentionally and actively mindful has so many positive benefits on our psychological health. These include, but are not limited to; reduction of stress, reduced rumination, decreased symptoms of depression & anxiety, less emotional reactivity & more effective emotion regulation, increased focus, enhanced cognitive flexibility, and improved working memory. Mindfulness is a skill we can learn to foster, enhance and implement across all areas of our life. Why apply mindfulness to eating? In a society of performance, where we always feel the need to do and have more, it’s easy to become disconnected from our experience of eating. This can lead to poor eating habits. We are eating mindlessly when we finish a bag of chips or cookies without realizing it, when we don’t really taste our food, or when we grab something to eat by habit without considering whether or not we are hungry. Mindfulness eating can help you slow down, fully engage with the experience of eating, and become more aware of the biological signals of hunger and satiety. It can take a couple of minutes for your brain to receive the signal from the digestive system that you’re full. As a result, when you the time to eat and be fully present during a meal you will notice when you’re full which helps you avoid eating more than what your body needs. The general idea is to learn to trust your body as a guide for when, why, what and how to eat. Strategies to be a Mindful Eater 1) Truly engage in the experience of eating
2) Slow down!
3) Notice how you feel
Final thoughts If you made an eating choice that triggered physical or emotional discomfort, don’t be hard on yourself. Try to see this experience as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what your body needs. Change can take time and practice. Have some self-compassion as you learn to engage with mindful eating habits and become a more mindful eater. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I can’t control my tongue with my spouse. I’ve got a quick temper, and sometimes I’ll just snap and say hurtful things I don’t really mean. How can I get this under control? The answer: Start by memorizing this: Can’t lives on won’t street. The word “can’t” must be reserved for the impossible. Learning to control one’s temper and change behaviour may be challenging at times, but it is not impossible. Often our behaviour doesn’t change because we make ourselves believe it can’t. So you need to first believe that you are able to change. All of us think about changing our behaviour when, for some reason, the cons of that behaviour outweigh the pros. Articulate why you now feel motivated to change. What is the negative impact on your spouse (hurt feelings), yourself (guilt) and the long-term health of your relationship? Think about why you respond to your spouse this way. Behaviours frequently are maintained because there is some short-term gain. How does your spouse react when you get upset? Does he or she give in to your demands, get quiet or leave you alone? Are there other, more respectful, ways you can communicate to achieve the desired end? Be honest with yourself about why you react the way you do. You say you’ve got “a quick temper.” Where does this come from? Often the way that we respond to others (especially those close to us) is rooted in our family of origin – i.e. the ways in which others treated us or the ways we saw our parents treat each other. Has this been a long-term way that you react to many different people in your life? What specifically do you feel you are reacting to? Remember that there is nothing wrong with feeling upset or angry. Anger is a normal, healthy part of the human experience and can serve a function in some situations. It provides us with useful information about our environment and is experienced when we feel disrespected, attacked or threatened, or when our boundaries are being crossed. Sometimes anger can be a “secondary emotion,” and is the manifestation of an underlying primary emotion that is more difficult to acknowledge or express (such as fear, hurt or insecurity). As you recognize, it is important to distinguish the emotional experience of anger (which may be appropriate) from the behavioural manifestation. Anger and its manifestations can become problematic when there is a mismatch between the trigger situation and the response, or when it is inappropriately expressed or done in a way that is hurtful to others. Whatever the contributors and reasons, it seems that you acknowledge that your response to your spouse is unfair and that you need to change your communication style. So make the commitment. Ask yourself what you will do differently. Be clear, specific and precise. Make yourself accountable by explicitly telling your spouse what you will be doing differently and ask your spouse to call you out when you don’t adhere to those goals. To work further on your anger issues, here are a few books you may find useful: The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner is a classic book on anger written for women. Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men by Thomas Harbin takes a no-nonsense approach to anger in men. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh takes a mindfulness/Buddhist approach to managing anger. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My father-in-law suffers from depression. He admits this but he hates what he calls the “medical model”, including psychologists, and refuses to see a professional. Is there any way to help him with his depression? The answer: Although as a society we are gradually improving in our awareness and understanding of psychological health conditions, unfortunately a considerable amount of stigma continues. Stunning, given that the statistics indicate that one out of four Canadians (or more) will at some point in their lifetime struggle from a diagnosable depression or anxiety disorder. Individuals from certain demographic groups – including older adults, men, and those from certain cultural backgrounds – tend to have even more difficulty than the average person in both admitting to and seeking assistance for mental health issues. Often this comes from a combination of not fully understanding what psychological health difficulties mean or entail; feelings of shame or embarrassment; feeling that one is “weak” for having emotional difficulties; and hopelessness that their difficulties are not getting better. Your father-in-law admitting that he he has depression is a positive step. His statements of “hating” the “medical model” may be grounded in a lack of understanding of what treatments look like, and a lack of hope that treatment could be helpful. I wonder what he means by “the medical model”. Certainly the traditional medical model view of mental health issues (i.e., that a biochemical imbalance unilaterally leads to illness) is not supported by the research. The evidence is very clear: that, like most physical health conditions, psychological difficulties such as depression are the result of a complex interplay of a number of factors: Genetics/family history, early childhood experiences, stressful life events, personality factors, our ways of thinking, and the behaviours and actions we engage in all play an important role in whether or not any one of us develops depression. Start by speaking to your father-in-law and indicating you are worried about him. Acknowledge that you understand he has strong feelings about the medical model, but that you understand there may be other effective treatments out there that may help him that maybe he could think about exploring. Try to understand what exactly he is resistant to. Is he worried about taking medications and becoming “addicted” or having side effects? Has he tried treatments before that were ineffective? Is he nervous about sharing private issues with someone? If you can better understand his apprehension, you may get useful information that can help you know how to better support him. You may also find it helpful to read more about ways to support a family member with depression. You can find useful links to a number of free, evidence-based individual and family resources for depression on at the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My friend was a few months along in her pregnancy when she recently had a miscarriage. How do I support her without being intrusive or overbearing? The answer: Miscarriages are, unfortunately, relatively common. Up to one out of five women will experience a miscarriage, with the large number occurring within the first seven weeks of gestation, not uncommonly before the woman even knows she is pregnant. In spite of the frequency, the loss of a pregnancy – particularly several months into the term – can be a huge emotional loss. A number of factors impact a woman’s reaction to a miscarriage: how far along she was in the pregnancy; her age; how long she had been trying to get pregnant; whether she has other children; and whether she has had difficulties with fertility. Current or pre-existing mood issues, such as depression or anxiety, may also be exacerbated or triggered post-miscarriage. All too often, people don’t know what to say to someone who has experienced a loss, and instead they stay silent. Or conversely, as you are worried, they may inadvertently amplify difficulties by becoming overly intrusive. The best thing for you to do is to gently speak to your friend and ask her what would be helpful. Let her know you love her, and want to support her the best you can. Explain your worry explicitly – tell your friend that you respect her need for privacy and personal grieving, and that you want to ensure you aren’t being intrusive or overbearing. Finally, let her know you are there to listen. And do just that: listen. Don’t try to tell her you understand what it feels like (as this can be perceived as invalidating, particularly if you haven’t experienced a miscarriage yourself). Resist the urge to problem-solve or to be Pollyannaish in your advice. For example, saying things such as “look on the bright side, you are so young and can try again!” will probably not be helpful and could make her feel even less understood. Ask her what you can do to help. She may very much welcome logistical or pragmatic assistance: You can prep meals for her, clean her home, offer to watch her other children if she has them. You can also suggest to attend a doctor or midwife’s appointment with her to get more information on next steps and options. Pay attention to what she says and try to honour it. Often, even when we mean well, we offer the kind of support to others that we ourselves would want, without being attune to the unique needs the other person has. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I’m gay, and no one in my life knows. Not my family, not my best friend – no one. I’m okay with who I am, but I am terrified to talk about it. I’d like to start with my mom – she’s going to be the most difficult, I think – very conservative values (but never outwardly homophobic). Do you have suggestions on how to have this conversation? The answer: Coming out can be hugely stressful, scary and challenging. Ironically, this process may feel most difficult when it comes to speaking to the people who are closest to you. I am happy to hear that you feel confident in your sexuality: Self-acceptance is a huge first step. The next steps toward coming out are also key; we are by nature social beings, and both need and thrive off social connections. Having the support and acceptance of those that mean the most to you is integral. You say that your mom will likely be the most difficult to talk to. My gentle suggestion would be to first come out to other family members or friends who you anticipate may be more approachable. This can help prepare you for how conversations may go, and more importantly put in place a support system for when you do talk to your mom. When you do speak with her, understand that she may express a range of reactions. In the best-case scenario, she may surprise you, and the conversation may go much easier than you anticipate. However, many parents – despite their best intentions and love for their children – may express sadness, frustration, confusion or anger when their child comes out. Keep in mind that the intensity of any negative emotions she expresses will likely dissipate over time, and may in large part be a knee-jerk reaction to hearing something unexpected. When you do decide to speak to her, have the conversation when you are both free of distractions and can have dedicated, uninterrupted time. Pick a day in which you are feeling reasonably rested and well from a physical and emotional standpoint. Start by telling her that you need to speak to her about something important and personal, and that you would like her to first listen and try not to interrupt or react. Let her know that you love her and that you realize what you are telling her may be hard for her to hear or accept. And then speak openly and honestly from your heart. Try to describe to her what the journey has been like for you and also express how important her support is to you. Coming out may be a difficult journey, so do take care of yourself emotionally and physically throughout this time. Engage in good self-care when it comes to sleep and diet. Exercise and minimize use of alcohol. Build a network of support that can be there for you as you start having these conversations. There are a range of community agencies and professionals that can help support you through this process. PFLAG Canada (pflagcanada.ca) is a national organization that offers support and referrals, and is available 24/7. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  As our world has become busier and more technologically connected, our lives have increasingly become more virtual and remote. We are now able to access a breadth of services – including health services – from the comforts of home. In the last number of years, there has been an explosion of online (virtual) health services – including online counselling services through video. This enhances our ability to prioritize taking care of our psychological health in spite of the myriad demands of modern-day life.
So, what is online video counselling? Online counselling involves providing mental health services over the internet (i.e online counselling). This allows people to connect with qualified mental health professionals from the comfort of their own home and without the hassle of commuting to an office. Dr. Joti Samra, R.Psych. & Associates is pleased to offer video counselling treatment services to individuals, couples and families for a range of life difficulties, including but not limited to:
Treatment approaches & modalities The way our stress reveals itself depends on myriad factors, including our childhood history; personality and genetic predispositions; how we observed our parents dealing with stress; and whether or not overt emotional displays were viewed as ‘acceptable’ ways to communicate stress in our family. Individual differences exist in the degree and intensity to which emotional issues manifest physically, but the most common physical symptoms are stomach/gastrointestinal problems (tension, nausea, constipation, diarrhea), pain (headaches, back pain, chest tightness), appetite changes and sleep problems. What can we do about it? Our team uses the following evidence-based approaches in both in-office and online counselling sessions:
With the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic, online counselling works (almost!) the same as it would for in-office sessions. To get started you would submit a referral request and rather than clicking on a preferred location, indicate your preference for online counselling (Check virtual health). Once the referral is received you will be matched with the most appropriate clinician for your psychological health needs. Our clinicians are masters-level counsellors who work under the treatment plan oversight of Dr. Samra. Once booked, you will be provided with instructions and support on setting up your virtual health software platform – all you need is a laptop or desktop computer, a private space to hold your session and a stable and secure WIFI connection! All online counselling services use a secure, encrypted videoconferencing platform. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My husband’s family keeps psychological illness in the closet. How do I discuss openly with my children their cousin’s illness without antagonizing my in-laws? The answer: Unfortunately, there continues to be a significant degree of stigma around psychological health issues. Statistics indicate that 1 out of 4 Canadian adults will struggle with one of the more common psychological health conditions (depression or anxiety) at some point in their life. There are two distinct issues you are raising: how to discuss the illness of a family member with your children, and how to not antagonize your in-laws. Separate these issues out and deal with them independently: First, I would suggest that you and your husband have an open and candid discussion about where you stand as individuals and as parents with respect to this issue. What are your respective beliefs about psychological illnesses? What are your values about what and how you speak to your children about this and other sensitive topics? What discussions are each of you comfortable in having with your children? If your husband holds some of the beliefs that his family does, this may be a challenging conversation. The goal is to agree on how to approach discussions with your children. There are a few things to keep in mind. First, my strong belief is that speaking openly with children about even difficult or sensitive topics is almost always the best approach to take. Conversations should always be age appropriate in terms of both the amount of information given and the language used to describe what someone is experiencing. Having open conversations about difficult topics with kids can open the door for them to communicate with their parents about difficult topics when need be. Discussing psychological health issues openly and respectfully with your kids also gives them a very powerful message: that you would accept them if they ever struggled. This keeps the door open for them to speak to you if they were to ever struggle at some point in their life. The second issue you raise relates to you not antagonizing your in-laws. In-law relationships can be tricky to navigate around in the best of times. Although being sensitive to this is important, to both maintain peace in the family and out of respect for your husband, ultimately you need to decide what values and behaviours you will model in your family and you need to stand behind this as a couple. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My friend’s boyfriend came on to me. She has no idea. I shut him down, but I think I’m hot for him too. What should I do? The answer: Stop and ask yourself one question: If the roles were reversed and you were in your friend’s shoes, what you would want her to do? Think long and hard about the answer to this question. Romantic relationships will come and go, but true friendships can be lifelong, so I would not even consider temptation. That being said, you have a few options: do nothing (always an option); pursue the relationship with your friend’s boyfriend (bad idea); or set some boundaries and ensure you do not betray your friend in any way (best plan). Think about how would you friend react if she knew that not only had her boyfriend disrespected her by coming on to someone else, but that her friend also entertained thoughts of getting involved with him. Being “hot” for someone can be the result of a number of factors. It can be pure physical attraction, which is totally normal. It can be the secrecy of the attraction and the fact that it would be taboo. It can also be alcohol induced. See the attraction for what it most likely is: nothing more than a fleeting sensation. If you find yourself fantasizing about a possible relationship you could have with this guy, ask yourself whether you would want to be in a relationship with someone who hits on his girlfriend’s friends? The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, and likely his pattern would continue. In terms of how to approach this, I would suggest one of two things. Since you already shut him down, you could ignore the boyfriend’s behaviour altogether and just ensure that you establish very direct boundaries moving forward. Do not give him any direct or inadvertent verbal or non-verbal clues that you are interested in him – and then wait and see. Perhaps it was an isolated event or other factors such as alcohol contributed to his behaviour, and he realized what a mistake he made. If, however, he continues to hit on you, I would speak to him assertively. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you are not interested, that you do not appreciate him disrespecting your friend and that if his behaviour continues, you will tell her. The issue of speaking to your friend about the situation is a more complicated one, and you really need to navigate this matter carefully. Whether you speak to her is going depend upon a number of factors: your relationship with her, the amount of trust you have in each other, how long she has been with this guy and whether she has any sense of his behaviour or doubts about his trustworthiness. It is also going to depend on what he did. Was he simply being friendlier than normal without crossing any real line? Was he flirtatious, but not overtly inappropriate? Did he directly proposition you? If it was a one-time situation, if he his behaviour fell in a grey zone and if he has regret and changes his behaviour, it may be best to not hurt her feelings by bringing this up. On the other hand, if his behaviour continues or if it clearly was in a category that surpassed certain boundaries, you may need to speak to her directly. Ultimately, you need to act in a way that is consistent with your values and make decisions you will not regret. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Xavier Mercader Psychological Impacts of Taking Care of a Child with a Heart Condition
I’m sure anyone who’s had a child, will agree that the birth of your first, is one of the most blissful moments in life. As new parents, you spent time reading about how to take care of a child (as if there was an actual manual for it). You prepare your future child’s bedroom, make lists of what they’ll need, buy clothes and attend prenatal classes. All in preparation for the day that will change your life. But no matter how well you think you’re prepared, whether or not you’re a first-time parent or if it’s your fourth child, I don’t believe anyone is ever fully ready for it. In my case, my wife and I were lucky – she had a really easy pregnancy. She felt great the entire time and was even going to the gym three days before her due date. Even the delivery felt easier than I thought it would – not that I was going to do the hard part – but men are usually more afraid than their pregnant counterparts; even if they won’t admit it. Our daughter was taking her time, so my wife was induced. The epidural shot worked great, and my wife was even able to take a nap before showtime. After forty-five minutes of active labour, we met our daughter and I even cut the cord without fainting! The first month felt like it went by in the wink of an eye. We were tired and obviously sleep-deprived, but we couldn’t be happier to have welcomed our daughter into our lives. The News During one of our regular check-ups, the doctor told us she noticed our little one had an odd way of breathing. So, we were referred to a pediatrician. The pediatrician didn’t see anything odd with her breathing but told us he could hear a murmur. He said it was probably just a murmur, but suggested it might be good to go to the ER to get it checked out. I don’t remember how many hours we spent at the ER or how many tests they ran. All I remember is hearing a doctor, at 2 AM, telling us “we are going to admit you” to the hospital. Our one-month-old daughter had a heart condition called Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD), that was causing her ventricular hypertrophy and as a result, was filling up her lungs with fluid. In one day, all that happiness and bliss turned into fear, uncertainty and doubt. We felt powerless, unable to do anything but sit and wait for the doctors to tell us the plan. How everything changedAfter a week, we were cleared from the hospital and given prescriptions to give to our daughter. Captopril to help her heart work better, and two diuretics – one to get rid of captopril once it had its effect as it has a certain level of toxicity, and the other one to reduce the fluid in her lungs. So as new parents, that a month before didn’t even know how to change a diaper, now had to cope with administering three different medications. Giving a child that young medication is extremely challenging; we had to ensure she swallowed them, without spitting them out or choking. Most times, we were lucky if she swallowed half. We were unprepared for this. One morning when giving her her medication, before leaving for work, I thought she was swallowing them just fine. Until she started to turn red. She was unable to breathe for a few seconds. I turned her over and patted her back till she finally spat it all out. I’ve never been more scared in my life. The thought that I could’ve lost her, had me shaking and as a result, I was unable to go to work. The days I did go to work were weird. Some days, it felt like everything was ok and other days, I could barely hold back tears. But most days when I came home I would find my wife crying. Typically I’m good at cheering her up, but this was different, there was nothing I could say or do to help. I worried about that a lot. I felt useless, unable to ease my wife’s pain. At times, being able to leave my place for a few hours, felt like a mental break from everything. But at the same time, I couldn’t stop worrying about my wife and daughter at home. It was tense 24/7. We would put our baby to bed, try to relax, watch some tv, but we couldn’t. Our Next Steps In another check-up, the cardiologist told us our daughter would likely need open-heart surgery. But all we could do is wait and see how everything goes. It would all depend on how well she was gaining weight. If she started to gain weight normally, it was possible she wouldn’t need the surgery. But if she continued below the growth charts, it would mean her heart condition was keeping her from growing normally (this is what they call failure to thrive). So, we tried our best to get her to eat better. But how would she gain any weight if she was taking two diuretics three times a day and she wasn’t finishing her bottles? Every time we went to her check-ups, she was below the growth charts. And every time we were told the same thing. “It’s too early to decide, let’s see how everything goes”. This made every feeding time tense. All we could think was “I hope she eats a bit more now”. After a few months of stress, we went from not wanting our baby to have surgery, to wanting her to have it. We didn’t actually want our baby to have to go through surgery, but we did want her heart fixed and to be able to leave the stress behind us. With time, our little one started to gain weight. We were told she was doing well but still needed to wait to decide about the surgery. Our, now toddler, was able to play and do all the things other children do, so we started to relax slightly. We couldn’t stop worrying completely, but at last, we received some good news. At her last check-up, we were told she won’t need surgery after all. She will be able to live a normal life. The Connection with Mental HealthTaking care of a child with any health condition is sure to take a toll on the mental health of their parents. In my experience, parents feel stressed, depressed, helpless and a sense of unfairness asking themselves “why does this have to happen to OUR baby?” This feeling of unfairness, also makes us feel alone and isolated. I remember going to one last prenatal class to meet with the group of parents after all our babies were born, to share our experiences about giving birth. There were approximately 13 couples and most of them shared bad experiences: they had either during the final stages of pregnancy or during labour, but all of their babies were healthy. They had the ability to look back to those difficult experiences with a smile. When it was finally our turn, we didn’t have a bad labour experience to share, only our baby’s heart problem. And that made us feel very alone. What I Learned About Managing Mental Wellness Although everyone’s experience is different, the following are my personal tips for a parent dealing with a similar issue.
Conclusion Caring for a child with a heart condition or other illness is a situation that no parent is prepared for. It can be physically and emotionally taxing to not only manage the realities of a child’s illness, like giving my young daughter medication, but also the fears associated with the illness and the unknowns that can come with that. Even though during this time you likely want to spend all of your energy taking care of your child, it’s also important to take time for your own mental health. Overall, you will be better able to take care of your child and manage the illness if you’re also taken care of. |
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