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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
When we fight, I feel like my boyfriend’s goal is to “win” the argument. How can I help him realize this doesn’t help either of us? The answer: Disagreeing with loved ones (whether a partner, friend, or family member) is a normal part of every human relationship. In fact, we tend to argue more with those that are closer to us, often as they tend to see both the good and bad parts of us, they see us during times of stress, and often our defences are much lower with the people we love. Fighting with your partner can be really upsetting, and the frustration is further amplified when one or both partners feel the other is not “fighting fair.” Longterm success of your relationship really depends on how you fight – arguments are healthy when they are focused on coming to effective solutions (ideally) or agreeing to disagree. The reality is that often the way we fight is much more important to the quality of a relationship than what we fight about (many couples I see for couples treatment will recall precise details on the days, times and outcomes of arguments, but it is stunning how often they will forgot what started the fight or what they were fighting about!). I would first ask you to identify (for yourself) how your boyfriend’s style is unhelpful or ineffective. Try thinking of two or three recent arguments you had. Is he focusing on irrelevant issues/parts of the issue that created the disagreement? Is he inappropriately criticizing you? Is he bringing up issues from the past that are not tied to the issue at hand? Is he trying to intimidate you verbally or nonverbally (e.g., getting loud, inappropriate)? I would also ask you to identify what contribution you may be having to the argument that leads him to feel he needs to just focus on “winning”. For example, if he “loses” a fight is that brought up to him in the future? Is he reminded about it incessantly? Does he feel he needs to “win” to be heard? Then, have an open conversation with your boyfriend when you are getting along well, not in the middle of an argument. Start by letting him know that you feel your recent arguments have not ended up well, and that your hope is that the two of you either come to effective solutions or respectfully agree to disagree when you are fighting. Be specific about the things that you observe him to be doing that you think get in the way (don’t blame, just try to be very objective and specific, using examples). Let him know that you realize some of your behaviours may also be contributing (and again, be objective and specific about the things you do). Let him know that you care about him and you want both of you to come to more effective resolutions. Ask him if there are things he thinks you could do differently during arguments. Then make an action plan – where both of you agree to specifically change one or two things about how you approach your next argument. Remember: all communication is bidirectional, and both individuals in an argument play a part in the end result. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Sleep difficulties are increasingly common these days given the fast-paced world we are living in. There can be multiple contributors to sleep difficulties – and determining the cause of sleep challenges is the first step in finding a solution. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping a sleep diary. So, let’s talk about how to keep an effective sleep diary. Why keep a sleep diary? A sleep diary can be a helpful tool in the process of getting better sleep. It allows you to learn about your sleep patterns and habits, keep you proactive about your sleep, as well as potentially help your health care professional diagnose and treat any sleep disorders. It also provides a unique opportunity to track your sleep treatment and improvements over time. So, how do you keep an effective sleep diary? How to Keep a Sleep Diary The sleep diary should be filled out every morning, within approximately an hour of waking, based on the previous night’s sleep. Setting a reminder on your phone can help – and keep the recording simple, such as keeping a notes file on your smartphone. It’s okay if you miss a day but try to be as consistent as possible. If there’s anything irregular that might affect your sleep – like illness or an emergency, just add a note to that day. When recording information in the diary an approximation is okay. Don’t worry too much about getting every detail exactly right – for example, don’t clock-watch while you’re in bed. Excessive worry can have a negative impact on our sleep. What should be recorded in the diary?There are some things you should regularly record for the most effective sleep diary:
Keep it as simple as possible! An effective sleep diary shouldn’t be a make-work project; since our lives are busy, we should do everything we can to make recording these details as easy as possible. There are many templates you can easily find online via a quick google search of ‘sleep diary’. You can also keep notes on your smartphone as an alternative. One way to make the recording as easy as possible is to have these categories laid out ahead of time so all you have to do is fill in the details. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Most people have heard of CBT therapy, but how many really know what it is? Don’t worry if you don’t, it’s one of those things that’s fairly challenging to describe. So, here I am going to break it down for you. I will discuss cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT therapy), what it is and how it’s techniques can be used in our day to day lives.
So – WHAT IS CBT? CBT is a talk-therapy that works on changing or modifying our emotions – or things that create distress – by focusing on our cognitions or thoughts (C) and our behaviour (B). Emotions are often hard to change in the moment. However, with practice, we can get good at changing our behaviours and thoughts, even when emotions are strong. CBT is not about brainwashing or rewiring our thinking. It’s also not about positive or excessively optimistic thinking. It’s about realistic thinking. When we’re stressed, anxious or depressed we tend to do a number of predictable things in terms of the way we think. Some of these include:
CBT helps us revise and refine our thoughts so they’re more accurate, and helps us draw awareness toward our behaviour so that we aren’t inadvertently reinforcing those thoughts. 3 ways to incorporate CBT techniques into your daily life 1: Increase awareness of thoughts now. Research says we have tens of thousands of thoughts a day – and most are automatic. This works well otherwise we’d be in sensory overload – but not so well if we have unhealthy or unhelpful ways of thinking. If the unhealthy or unhelpful ways of thinking become ingrained, they can have a powerful and negative impact on us. Becoming more aware of the thoughts we are having is the first step in changing them, or at least changing how we feel about or react to them. 2: Engage in the opposite action of what your natural urge is when stressed. This is a behavioural technique that is really helpful for changing our mood states. This is the case because our natural urges point us in the direction of short term coping mechanisms that aren’t necessarily healthy in the long term. How does this work?
3: Focus on things you can control – behaviour and thoughts – and keep in mind emotional changes will lag behind. Final Thoughts There is a very strong evidence base on the benefits of CBT for dealing with a range of psychological health conditions – whether it’s general stress or a condition such as anxiety, depression, addiction, or disordered eating. If you think CBT may be helpful for you, I encourage you to read more about it – we have tons of free resources on our website. Remember: Our thoughts matter. Our perception is our reality. Changing and revising & refining those thoughts can strongly impact how we feel. Considering taking that first step today? Good for you, that’s a big step to take. You can easily start by contacting the Psychological Health & Safety Clinic today. A little more unsure? Or don’t feel like you have enough time? Consider virtual (online) counselling as an alternative to traditional online therapy. All of our associates are trained in cognitive behavioural therapy as well as other therapy methods. By Marissa Bowsfield, M.A, CBT Therapist and member of the Canadian Sex Research Forum
Negative Body Image is Common
With the summer months upon us and the warmer weather beckoning us outside, many of us may have anxious thoughts and worries about our bodies. Not about our body’s important functions – but rather how it looks. We may have thoughts like, “I’m not in good enough shape” or “I don’t want people to see my stomach at the beach” or even, “I’m disgusting”. Body image is a psychological characteristic that reflects an individual’s satisfaction with their body and the emotions that are experienced in relation to their body. We all have a sense of body image and it can range from very negative to very positive. Unfortunately, negative body image is widespread and does not discriminate. Although negative body image has historically been considered a “women’s” issue, research conducted in more recent years suggests that women, men, and non-binary or transgender individuals all experience negative body image. Furthermore, people of all different shapes, sizes, and body compositions can experience significant issues with body image. Generally, negative body image is theorized to arise from narrow, socially prescribed body ideals for women (e.g., historically this has been the “thin ideal” and more recently it is becoming more of a “fit ideal” or “toned ideal”, although thinness is still privileged) and men (e.g., muscular, lean). When people endorse these ideals and compare their own bodies against them, they are likely to experience a relatively negative body image. Negative Body Image Elicits Anxiety Anticipating summer and seeing all of those “Get Your Summer Body!” headlines popping up may increase our dissatisfaction and worry about our bodies. They cause us to focus on, and evaluate, our physical appearance against unrealistic body ideals. Indeed, people tend to be the most worried about their bodies, and experience associated negative emotions, like shame, in situations wherein the body is particularly salient or is “on display”. Given this reality, there are many situations that have absolutely nothing to do with summer or swimsuits that may cause people to experience anxious thoughts and negative emotions about their bodies. A prime example that likely comes to mind is partnered sexual activity, which is obviously not just a summer activity! Sexual activity is inherently focused on the body and requires a certain level of body exposure to another person or persons. Thus, it may trigger very high levels of anxiety, especially for people who experience negative body image. What might this mean for our sexual relationships? Body Image and Sexual Relationships Recent research suggests that people who have a negative body image may be especially anxious during sex and this anxiety may manifest in different ways to interfere with their sexual enjoyment. First, they may find that their mind is preoccupied with thoughts about their body and what their partner might think of it during sex – so much so, that it is difficult to enjoy the experience. Second, people who have a negative body image may want to keep certain pieces of clothing on during sex or only have sex with the lights off, they may not want their partner to touch them in specific places, or they may be inclined to avoid sex altogether. These strategies are designed to manage the anxiety, but instead, they serve to prevent people from fully enjoying sexual activity by interfering with sexual arousal, impeding orgasm, or simply taking focus away from the pleasurable sensations that occur during sex. Importantly, the anxiety that people experience during sex as a result of their negative body image also has negative consequences for partners. If we think about how anxiety can manifest during sex – either in preoccupied thoughts about the body, behaviours to limit body exposure, or both – we can imagine how partners may be affected. If an individual is unwilling to engage in certain behaviours or to allow a partner to see their body (with the lights on!) during sex, or they simply seem distracted, the partner may have a rather unfulfilling sexual experience. Final Thoughts and Tips for Improving Body Image This may seem like a discouraging situation. However, we can look at it another way: What might be relatively simple and effective ways for people to improve their own and their partner’s sex lives? Well, good first steps are to work to improve body image, to be less critical of ourselves and our partners, and to manage anxiety during sex (e.g., using mindfulness techniques). Improving these areas may lead to more pleasurable, fun, and satisfying sexual experiences where the focus is on sensation, intimacy, and mutual enjoyment, rather than on worry over physical imperfections. Some tips for improving body image include:
Marissa Bowsfield, M.A. is a senior Doctoral Student in the Clinical Psychology Program at Simon Fraser University (SFU) where she is training to become a Registered Psychologist. She completed her B.A. (Hons.) at SFU in 2014 and her M.A. (Clinical Psychology) in 2017, and received the Canadian Psychological Association's Award for Academic Excellence. She is also a recipient of the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada’s Graduate Scholarship and conducts research on intimate relationships and human sexuality, including issues around body image in sexual relationships. Reach out through our contact page for more information or to book an appointment. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
Every week I start fresh and aim to eat well, exercise, get rest, all the good stuff. By Thursdays, my plan is right off the rails. How do I commit to bettering myself and staying on track? The answer: There are only a handful of things in life that are certain: death and taxes. Oh, wait – and failed diet and exercise plans. You don’t need a PhD in health sciences to know that diet, exercise and sleep are three of the most crucial things that can dramatically impact and – when properly addressed – improve both physical and emotional/psychological health. But, the diet, fitness, and pharmaceutical industries are lucrative, multibillion-dollar industries for a reason: Most people struggle with sustaining long-term change in these areas. So, welcome to the club! (I myself tend to find I start slipping come about Wednesday…). Nice job on identifying the fact that you want to change. This may sound obvious, but it’s not. The adage of “fail to plan, plan to fail” applies: If you haven’t even planned or visualized what you want to do differently, it won’t happen. So kudos for beginning this journey. There are some important steps that you can take to enhance the likelihood your change is sustainable. If you stick to these, you dramatically increase the chance you can stick to your goals. 1. Pick a specific behaviour to change. Start with no more than one to two behaviours to change at a time. Precisely define what you want to change. Ensure that your goal is measurable. If you need to revise your goals later on, you will have to know where you are headed, and how to determine if you are getting or have gotten there. Ensure that your goal is realistic. You may want to lose 30 pounds, but a realistic goal may be to lose 15 pounds this year and 15 pounds the following year. Ensure that your goal is time-limited. Set a specific period of time in which you will accomplish it. 2. Identify your readiness to change. Before you begin, ask yourself questions such as: “How ready am I really?” “Is this the right time for me to make a change?” “What are the pros and cons of changing?” Consider the benefits of the change. How can you begin to change in a realistic fashion? What would life be like if you didn’t do it? Is it worth it – how or why? Consider how the change fits with other important life values you hold. Prepare to change. Gather the information and tools that you need. Anticipate setbacks. Remember that small change is better than no change. Get supports as you begin the changing process. Consider how you’ll build on your changing behaviour over time. What other behaviours can you add in? Once the changes have been made, consider how you’ll transition to a long-term maintenance plan. 3. Identify barriers. Anticipate setbacks. If you had tried to make a change in the past, what got in the way of success? Be brutally honest with yourself about why you failed. Then solve the barriers that you encountered in the past. Identify the pros of not changing your behaviour – this can often help you appreciate why the change hasn’t happened yet. Identify the cons of changing – the reasons the change may be difficult to do. Establish a specific contingency plan for each of the barriers you identify. 4. Implement change. Approach behavioural change gradually. Make small, specific changes. Make a schedule with yourself to build change activities into day-to-day life. Follow the “double-time” rule: Schedule double the time you think it would take to achieve the change. 5. Revisit and revise. Do not get discouraged by setbacks. If you are not on track with the changes you identified, work to identify the barriers again. Were your expectations too high? Was the specific goal you set too ambitious? Revise your goal as necessary. Expect and visualize success. 6. Reward yourself. Set milestones that help you track your progress and ensure that you schedule in regular rewards for each one that you achieve. (I sheepishly admit that shoes and purses motivate me quite well!) Good luck! By Emory Oakley. Emory is a writer and LGBTQ+ educator who regularly discusses the intersections of queer identities and mental health.  The Learning Process
“You aren’t supposed to do anything for Valentine’s Day, it’s your boyfriends’ job to buy you flowers and take you out for dinner!” This was the first piece of advice I was given about Valentine’s Day at fifteen years old. It was my first Valentine’s Day in a relationship. And as a bit of a late bloomer, I was nervous and excited in anticipation. But, of course, I was unsure and not confident. Even though this happened prior to coming out, being given that advice, I already knew Valentine’s Day was not designed for me. I was assigned female at birth but never fit into the traditional expectations of what a girl was ‘supposed’ to be. As a young child, it was acceptable to be a tomboy. So, I wasn’t directly confronted with my gender until I hit puberty and was at the age where people start dating. Even then, I didn’t know gender was the issue – I just knew I didn’t fit into people’s expectations. And that made me realize how uncomfortable I felt in my body. Not surprisingly, Valentine’s Day never got easier for me. I never understood why boys didn’t want me to buy them flowers and write them poetry. Coming Out I’ve always been a ‘love with my entire existence’ kind of boy. But when I was pretransition and in relationships with straight boys, this was entirely misunderstood. These boys almost always wanted to be the ones to ‘take care of me’ in the traditional heternormative sense. So, it was continually reinforced that Valentine’s Day was not made for me. As I embraced my queerness and started to engage in less traditional styles of relationships. It became glaringly obvious that the reason I never felt like Valentine’s Day was made for me was that my identity was never represented. The focus of Valentine’s Day is heterosexual, monogamous, sexual and traditional romantic relationships. But not only was my relationships and identity not represented, neither were so many others. So, coming out as queer gave me the context as to why I never like Valentine’s Day. And for me, clearly, it was never about being single. But my queer identity gave me permission to look at it differently. Valentine’s Day Today: Why I don’t celebrate it.Now, out as a queer trans man, I can happily say I choose not to celebrate Valentine’s Day. But I do love getting the cheap candy the following day. This doesn’t mean I don’t celebrate the multiple ways love comes into my life. Valentine’s Day reinforces heteronormativity. And it does this through consumerism rather than actually focusing on healthy and happy relationships. These are things I personally have no interest in supporting. To me, love is about so much more than romance and that’s a common experience among those in the queer community. Many of us are rejected by or estranged from our families so we create our own chosen families. These relationships are different from close friendships among heterosexual people. They have a different level of intimacy and love that cannot easily be defined. Even our romantic relationships don’t always fit into the traditional outline of what a relationship ‘should’ look like by heteronormative standards. I don’t really want to get too much into consumerism here, but the way Valentine’s Day has been structured around gift-giving and fancy date nights is problematic and classist. There are so many ways to show a person you love them – other than spending money or fancy dates. If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with your loved one(s) consider some other options. A hand made gift or card, write a poem or a song, make a homemade dinner, have a queer movie night or do something else creative to celebrate your love in a way that makes sense in the context of your relationship. So, rather than celebrating Valentine’s Day, I choose to celebrate my queer love every day of the year. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question: Why do people like Valentine’s Day? I hate it. Not because I’m single, I’ve actually been happily married to my wife for six years. But she always gets upset when I don’t go all out or seem sincere enough on this one annual occasion. I’m a good husband, I think, and she tells me that I do loving things for her all the time during the other 364 days. So what gives? Why do people get so caught up in a single day that (I think) isn’t all that special? The answer: There’s no special occasion that men and women disagree about more than Valentine’s Day! You are like many men that I hear from: frustrated and confused about the (seemingly) disproportionate emphasis that their female partners place on this day relative to other days of the year. So, here’s the answer to your question in a nutshell: Women like Valentine’s Day for reasons that are, in spirit, not dissimilar to the reasons they like other special occasions. The day is a celebration of something very special in their lives – love. An informal poll of my female friends was unanimous: This is a day that women want to feel extra loved, appreciated and special to their partners. Chalk it up to the childhood dreams many of us women have about fairy-tale happy endings and knights in shining armour. It’s perhaps a little silly, and usually far from the reality of life, but certainly something that makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Here’s what I suggest: Rather than getting caught up worrying about why so many other people like this day, why don’t you ask your wife what it is that she values about the day? After all, it’s her opinion that matters the most. Ask her how she would like to celebrate. Then communicate – non-defensively – how you feel about the occasion. It may be that you are putting undue pressure on yourself and thinking she expects something much grander than what is actually the case. In his fantastic book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, Dr. Gary Chapman writes about the differences couples encounter when they are speaking different “love languages.” He articulates the importance of understanding your partner’s primary love language (i.e. quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or physical touch) as a way to improve and strengthen your relationship. Special occasions – and the associated celebration of them – often speak to the different love languages couples have, and the differences partners have about how the other communicates their love. So, smile. Enjoy the day. Go the extra mile for your wife on this day, then ask yourself: Something that makes her feel extra happy and special can’t be all bad, can it? Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Every couple is faced to some degree with fundamental differences in terms of beliefs and values. Successful couples are able to respectfully negotiate, comprise on or resolve difficult issues. Many couples, however, are unable to work past major differences despite their best efforts. Others attend to differences in a very mindful way, yet for a range of reasons may decide that they are too great to overcome.
Solvable issues or perpetual issues? Dr. John Gottman, an internationally renowned marital researcher, has written an excellent book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (which I often recommended even to couples who aren’t married or cohabitating). In this book, he defines issues that lead to relationship conflict as falling into one of two categories: solvable issues or perpetual issues. When we are faced with challenges or differences in a relationship, the first task is to identify whether or not the differences comprise perpetual or solvable issues. Perpetual issues relate to conflicts that will never disappear from the relationship. They stem from fundamental differences in personality and beliefs. Beliefs regarding the value of all life forms, including animals, for example, may be a perpetual issue that leads to different dietary choices. If one is a vegetarian because of their beliefs about animal rights, this is likely a perpetual issue. Solvable issues, on the other hand, are logistical or practical concerns that have workable solutions. The manner in which a couple handles grocery shopping and meal preparation, for example, would be a solvable issue. If one person is a vegetarian because they think it’s healthier, and there is no other underlying values driver, this is likely a solvable issue. Every relationship has perpetual issues. So the make-or-break factor is not whether an issue is perpetual or solvable, but rather how the solvable ones are worked out and how the perpetual ones are managed and ultimately accepted by each partner. How to work through all types of issues So, how do we maintain relationships when there are core differences?
So, do we have a future? Every relationship is faced with challenges. It’s how the people involved are able to respectfully negotiate, comprise on or resolve difficult issues that determine the longevity and health of that relationship. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I keep having violent dreams that wake me up in the middle of the night. What’s going on? The answer: We don’t understand very well why we dream, whether dreams have meaning, and why some people have vivid dreams, while others rarely can remember having a dream at all. We do know from studies that look at dream content that we tend to consistently have and remember more negative dreams than positive ones. Some theories suggest that there is an adaptive function to having threatening dreams – it helps us simulate threatening events and situations (in a safe environment) with the result of helping us be more cognitively prepared for threats when they come up in real life. There are a few reasons you may be having violent dreams. It may be that you are currently under a high level stress or that you are (or feel you may be) in a threatening situation that you need to get out of. Consider the current stressors in your life and think about ways you can get help with these difficulties. Individuals who have experienced traumatic events (abuse, assault, life-threatening situations including accidents or illnesses) are at higher risk for having nightmares. A mental health professional can help you work past traumas. Violent dreams can also be the result of a sleep disorder, known as parasomnia. Speak to your family physician if you are having recurrent violent dreams as an overnight sleep study, called a polysomnography, may be helpful to determine the cause. Finally, side effects of a number of medications can include violent dreams and nightmares (as many medications affect the stage of sleep in which we dream – the REM, or rapid eye movement, stage). Changing medications or dosages may help to solve the problem. Independent of the specific cause, there are a number of pre-sleep rituals that may help minimize the intensity or frequency of your violent dreams. Try to minimize talking or thinking about stressful situations before bed. Relaxation or meditation strategies can help to slow your mind and body down. Have a warm bath, or listen to soothing music to distract your mind. Avoid reading books or watching TV or movies with upsetting content. If you are woken by a violent dream, get out of bed and practice some deep breathing and do something relaxing, such as listening to soothing music or having a warm glass of milk, before you get back into bed. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I am a 30-year-old successful female, dating a guy who doesn’t seem to be too serious about us. I don’t want to waste more time on casual relationships, but I don’t want to come off sounding like I am desperate or crazy. My question is how do you assess whether a guy is interested in the traditional marriage, kids, moving in together routine without scaring the heck out of him and send him running for the hills? The answer: Asking him directly is much better than trying to somehow assess what he is thinking! The very simple answer to your question is to talk to him: ask, matter-of-factly what he pictures in terms of a relationship right now. If he is at a place in his life where he knows what he wants, he will directly answer questions about marriage and kids without getting scared away in the least. Now, there are a few more elements to your question that make the “simple answer” one that you should pause on for a minute before asking. You say you don’t want to “waste” more time on casual relationships, which suggests that you have a sense of urgency to change your situation. I would ask yourself sincerely whether you feel that you are in fact at a stage in your life where you actually want to have a more significant relationship, or if you are being driven by wanting something (anything) that is the opposite of the life you have been living. It may sound like semantics, but it is an important question to clarify in your mind. Secondly, you seem to already have some valuable insight that is helping you to answer your question: you say that the relationship doesn’t seem to be too serious, and that it also doesn’t seem that it will become that way. I would pay attention to the pieces of information that are leading you to feel this way. I would trust the feelings that you are having, as they are likely coming from a range of sources (both what he is or has conveyed verbally, and his actions). It is human nature to want to try to impose an ideal picture of what you would like to see in a relationship (while ignoring some other clear signs that give you the opposite message). Although things could certainly change, the feelings that you are having right now are probably an important sign of something important you are picking up on, so don’t ignore these. You sound like a driven individual and I wonder if you view your personal life similar to the way you have viewed your work life (i.e., set a goal and then tick off achieving it). It may be that you need to consider the way you are approaching your relationship goals and perhaps take a slightly different strategy, as there is a strong return on investment for you to be devote time into finding the right partner for you (this is not, contrary to your current feeling, a “waste” of time in the least). And, it may sound cliché, but the right partner for you will not be scared off by candid questions about their picture for a long-term relationship. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. |
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