PH&S Clinic

  • Home
  • Counselling
  • Coaching
  • About
  • Contact
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Articles
  • Home
  • Counselling
  • Coaching
  • About
  • Contact
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Articles

My wife is inconsolable after three miscarriages

6/7/2023

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
The question:
 
My wife is inconsolable after three miscarriages. What can I do?
 
The answer:
 
There are a number of things that may be help your wife through this difficult and understandably emotional time.
 
First, resist the tendency to problem-solve. Let her know that you love and care about her, and that you want to support her as best as you can. Acknowledge that you don’t fully understand or appreciate what she is experiencing, but communicate that you want to understand. Then listen to her.
​

Many men have a tendency to want to try to problem-solve or find a solution, but many women feel that they just need the opportunity to express what they are feeling. Being overly positive (e.g., “don’t worry, next time I know things will work out”) may feel invalidating to her.
 
Ask her what you can do that would be helpful. We all cope in different ways and need different types of support from our loved ones. Ask her what you may be inadvertently doing or saying that is unhelpful.
 
Ensure that you are present for any appointments that she is attending with respect to managing her health post-miscarriage, and also in terms of appointments moving forward to investigate causes of the miscarriages.
 
Although the rates of having one miscarriage are quite high (15-20 per cent, with the bulk of these miscarriages occurring within the first seven weeks of pregnancy), the rates do increase with previous number of miscarriages and concerns your wife may be having about the viability of future pregnancies may be a realistic yet also saddening or frightening thought.
 
Many women may experience a grief reaction, where they go through a number of emotional stages before they get to a stage of acceptance. These stages may include: denial that the loss has occurred; anger at having to deal with multiple losses; bargaining for the situation to be different; and sadness or depression.
 
Keep in mind that you may be also experiencing your own emotional reactions to this, and ensure that you are getting the support you need as well.
 
A number of factors impact the manner in which a woman copes with pregnancy loss: how early in the pregnancy the miscarriage occurs; the woman’s age; whether there are previous children; and the number of previous losses.
 
These factors impact the bond a woman starts to make with her child (which is qualitatively different and often much stronger than the bond a father makes in early stages of pregnancy) and may amplify other worries, concerns or anxieties the woman has both about her fertility and the viability of having another child.
 
At some point you both may benefit from speaking to a mental health professional, who can address if she is experiencing any clinical levels of depression or anxiety.

Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

Comments are closed.

    PH&S Clinic

    Enhancing psychological health, wellness and resilience

    Archives

    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022

    Mental Health

    All
    Anxiety
    Ask The Psychologist
    Burnout
    Career
    CBT
    Communication
    Coping
    Counselling
    Emotions
    Exercises
    Family & Relationships
    Holidays
    LGBTQ+
    Lifestyle
    Men's Issues
    Mindfulness
    OCD
    Resources
    Sleep
    Suicide
    Supporting Others
    Women's Issues
    Workplace

    RSS Feed

Picture
HOME  |  COUNSELLING  |  COACHING  |  ABOUT  |  CONTACT  | RESOURCES
​© 2025 PH&S CLINIC, VANCOUVER, BC, CANADA
Dr. Joti Samra is a Founding Member of the CSA Technical Committee that developed the CSA National Standard for Psychological Health & Safety in the Workplace and informed the ISO standard
Please note our administrative office hours are Mondays - Thursdays, 8:30am-4:00pm PST.