PH&S Clinic

  • Home
  • Counselling
  • Coaching
  • About
  • Contact
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Articles
  • Home
  • Counselling
  • Coaching
  • About
  • Contact
  • Resources
    • Podcast
    • Articles

My partner committed suicide. How do I move on?

9/11/2023

 
By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth
​The question:
 
Almost three years ago my partner committed suicide. He suffered from depression. We were only dating for a year, but I find his death still gets to me. It’s especially difficult now for me to date people. I used to be a very patient, happy, joking person. Since it happened, I feel as though it’s a charade I’m putting on so my friends and family don’t notice the change. How can I move on?
 
The answer:
 
The death of someone we love is one of the most difficult life experiences we will ever face . As a society, we are terrible at dealing with and talking about death. We are never taught in schools what to say to someone who loses a loved one, despite the fact that all of us will, at some point in our lives, have to deal with the inevitable losses of those we care about.
 
Dealing with a death that occurs from suicide only adds more layers of complexity, confusion and, in some cases, self-blame that further amplifies what is often a difficult recovery to begin with. Those that are closest to someone who dies by suicide (partners, parents, children) are left with the biggest burden to carry. They are often left with myriad emotions: sadness, guilt, anger. Recreating past conversations, thinking you could have done or said something differently, questioning why you weren’t ‘enough’ for the person to not take their life – all are common thoughts for survivors.
 
Unfortunately so much misinformation, stigma and shame continues to be associated with suicide, making it even more difficult for your support system to know what to do or say, which then further prolongs the grieving process for survivors who are struggling to make sense of the nonsensical.
 
I’ve lost both an aunt and a cousin to suicide – and one of the things that stood out to me so strongly was how uncomfortable so many people were about their deaths. Friends and family that I knew to be caring and otherwise articulate stumbled through awkward conversations. Some avoided the topic altogether, others became visibly distressed, and others made well-meaning comments that were ultimately unhelpful. These are common themes I have heard again and again from patients and friends who have been affected by suicide.
 
When we talk about “moving on” or “getting over” a loss, what we really mean to do is find effective ways to cope. This includes maintaining positive memories and thoughts of your partner, while still getting back to all of the elements that make life worth living – which, in your case, includes dating.
 
It makes absolute sense that it’s difficult for you to date – you are in a self-protective mode, not wanting to make yourself vulnerable to another potential loss. There is no magic formula for how long or what the grief and recovery process looks like, as it is so individual. There is one thing I can say with certainty, however: Not processing your loss – having to present a facade to those that are close to you – will only prolong the ordeal.
 
I would start by opening yourself up to the idea of speaking about your loss, as there is so much therapeutic value in simply talking through the thoughts and emotions you’ll have inevitably bottled up. Consider approaching those closest you: Tell them you don’t need them to say anything, that you just want to talk through what’s in your head. If you feel reticent to approach those you know, I would strongly suggest seeking the support of a psychologist or other registered mental health/grief professional that has expertise in suicide to help you move on.
 
I would also seek support online. Some recommended websites are www.suicide.org, www.survivorsofsuicide.com and www.allianceofhope.org. Have faith that with time and with the support of someone you trust, you will be able to move forward in your life.

Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “
Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail.

Comments are closed.

    PH&S Clinic

    Enhancing psychological health, wellness and resilience

    Archives

    July 2025
    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022

    Mental Health

    All
    Anxiety
    Ask The Psychologist
    Burnout
    Career
    CBT
    Communication
    Coping
    Counselling
    Emotions
    Exercises
    Family & Relationships
    Financial Literacy
    Holidays
    LGBTQ+
    Lifestyle
    Men's Issues
    Mindfulness
    OCD
    Resources
    Sleep
    Suicide
    Supporting Others
    Women's Issues
    Workplace

    RSS Feed

Picture
HOME  |  COUNSELLING  |  COACHING  |  ABOUT  |  CONTACT  | RESOURCES
​© 2025 PH&S CLINIC, VANCOUVER, BC, CANADA
Dr. Joti Samra is a Founding Member of the CSA Technical Committee that developed the CSA National Standard for Psychological Health & Safety in the Workplace and informed the ISO standard
Please note our administrative office hours are Tuesdays & Wednesdays.