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The question:
Lately my sleep has been terrible. Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep, and other times I wake up around 4 AM and can’t get back to sleep. What’s going on? The answer: First of all, you’re not the only one struggling with this. Up to one-third of the population has chronic sleep problems, which can include trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up too early. Here are some tips to help you get a better night’s rest: Schedule “worry time” Worries – about work, relationships, finances – can contribute to difficulty falling asleep, or can wake you up in the middle night. Unfortunately, just trying to force yourself to “stop thinking” does not work very well. It can be helpful to schedule a dedicated time to worry, 15 to 20 minutes, one to two hours before getting into bed. Find a quiet space, out of your bedroom. During your “worry time,” write down all the worries you have that day. Ask yourself “What can I do about this now?” Take a solution-focused approach. If there is something to be done immediately, do it. If not, schedule a time for the next day or later in the week. Set a regular schedule It’s more important to establish a fixed wake-up time than a regular bedtime. We can control what time we wake up, but we can’t make ourselves fall asleep. If you are having sleep problems, eliminate daytime naps as these decrease the restorative value – or quality – of your sleep at night. Reduce sleep-interfering activities In the several hours before bedtime, you should reduce (and ideally eliminate) caffeine, alcohol and tobacco use, and avoid strenuous exercise. Use your bed for two activities only – sleep and sex (no watching TV or working on your laptop in bed!). Make your bedroom sleep-inducing Create a pleasant environment for sleep. Get a comfortable pillow. Use blinds or heavy curtains to create a dark room. Turn off phone ringers. Make “going to bed” a soothing experience Set a pre-sleep routine that you follow each night, as this signals to your brain and body that it’s time to quiet down. This may include some form of meditation or relaxation, a warm bath or herbal tea. Get yourself ready for the next day, dim the lights and then mentally “put away” any ongoing problems or upcoming tasks. Get out of bed if you can’t sleep. Don’t get into bed unless you are sleepy. If you have trouble falling asleep within about 20 minutes (or wake and can not go back to sleep) stay out of bed until you feel sleepy. Remember, don’t do anything stimulating when you get out of bed. Challenge worries about sleep You may be kept awake by worries about not being able to sleep, or about the effect of a poor night’s sleep. Move your clock out of sight so that you are not “clock-watching.” Remind yourself that you can make it through a day even if you have had little sleep. It can be tempting to rely on medications (prescription or over-the-counter) for sleep but these are a short-term solution only and guidelines do not recommend their use for longer than one to two weeks at most. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My friend just had her first baby. I told her to call if she needs anything, but we haven’t been in touch much lately. Should I keep approaching her in case she really does need help, or give her some space and trust she’ll contact me when the time is right? I don’t have children, so I’m not really sure what to do. The answer: As the only childless friend among a group of women who have all had their first rugrats pop out over the last year, I get the feeling of helplessness that comes along with not knowing quite what to do. My simple answer: Ask her what she needs from you. Having a baby – particularly the first one – is a huge life transition. It can feel overwhelming, and it often takes months for first-time moms to adjust to their new life and schedule. Adjusting to her newfound role of being completely responsible for another person’s life is a huge transition. Learning all the intricacies associated with parenthood, not to mention the inevitable challenges of feedings and multiple diaper and outfit changes, can fill the days in a way that most moms never expect or predict. All of this is compounded by a level of sleep deprivation that most women haven’t before experienced. If your friend is like most moms, a combination of all of the above is likely responsible for the reduced contact you have had from her. I confess, I never fully appreciated the demands until I saw some of my own (highly competent, high-functioning, multitasking) friends repeatedly describe how they have no idea where the days go the first few months after giving birth. I had to tell myself the reduced contact was not at all personal, and instead a side effect of them being thrown into a 24/7 job that comes with no orientation manual! The first month post-birth is particularly challenging. Most moms will experience the “baby blues” which, in addition to low mood, can include a feeling of emptiness or flatness. Withdrawal from others is a natural response within these early days and weeks. On a positive note, the overwhelming majority of mothers will find their mood improves within the first month, once the myriad hormonal changes that occur postpartum stabilize. If she’s like many new moms, she may not even have a sense of the infrequency of your contact. (Think of times when you have been extremely busy or preoccupied with something that takes most of your attention, and how you lose sense of how fast time has gone). Strike a balance between maintaining regular contact with her (so that she knows you are there for her) with letting her have space to adjust and grow. In our current day and age, e-mailing and texting is a great way to stay in regular contact. In your communication with her, try to not add to her present burden. Instead, validate how challenging things may be feeling (“Thinking of you, let me know if there’s anything I can do”). If you have any reason to suspect that she is significantly struggling with persistently low or depressed mood, reach out to her more strongly than you may otherwise (about 1 in 10 women will develop clinically significant levels of depression). Social support is tremendously important and serves as one of the best buffers against chronic mood issues. Let her know you are concerned about her and want to help. If you have significant concern, speak to her partner or a family member that can help. If there is ever any concern about her risk to herself or to her baby, immediately call 911. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth Recently, I heard a variant of the “don’t let a few seconds ruin your day” message that really resonated with me – it was about not letting 5 minutes ruin or taint the rest of your day. Now the message isn’t a new one, and it’s one I regularly teach – but something about this really clicked. I think it’s because I realized the day-to-day frustrations that have the potential to impact me do in actuality take up more than just a few seconds: a frustrating interaction with someone, a conversation about something upsetting, even spilling something on yourself as you head out the door already late. I think (most days!) I’m calm enough that it’s not just something that happens for a few seconds that has the potential to ruin my day – it’s something that takes up a decently substantive amount of bandwidth…up to 5 minutes.
This past week, I challenged myself to reflect on the power I gave 5 minutes. I had a frustrating interaction regarding an ongoing issue with a toxic family member – someone who has by all objective indices behaved and spoken in highly offensive and disrespectful ways, on many occasions, over the course of now several years. Unfortunately – as with many of our extended family members, simply removing them from our immediate presence doesn’t eliminate the insidious impact they can continue to have through their words and statements, and this individual’s behaviour continues to be tolerated, reinforced and enabled by others – and the ripple effect on my immediate family unit (my hubby and I) continues. I found myself, after another (new) trigger this past week, ruminating & repeating the multi-year history with this individual in my mind. While working, while cleaning the house, while eating – both inside my own head, and in my conversations with my other half. I then caught myself – I was allowing the 5 minutes of the new trigger to impact my entire day (‘days’ plural, in fact). The trigger was a new one – but it’s not the trigger that kept the momentum going. It was my repetition of all the litany of past things this individual has said and done, and the associated hopeless realization that I have zero ability to change it – and that the people who do have control have little to no interest in working to resolve or repair the situation. And so although the (5 minute) trigger, via a third party, was something I had zero control over – the rest of the hours of bandwidth and energy this person was taking up was only happening as I allowed it. So I made a firm commitment to allow myself to focus on the 5 minute trigger only – and exhausted thinking and venting about it – but vowed to become much more diligent with myself in not allowing the hamster wheel to give any more power than needed. Through the weekend I had to many times catch myself, but it’s amazing the freedom we can have once we can start to gain better, intentional control over where we allow our thoughts to go. This week I invite you to consider the following: Each time an annoying, irritating, frustrating, discouraging thing happens, pause and and ask yourself “how will I choose to let this 5 minutes impact the rest of my day?” By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I think I’m honestly addicted to my Smartphone. Why do I check my work email all the time – even when I’m out with friends? How can I stop? The answer: What a great question! I’m happy to give you some tips. Just give me a minute – a few urgent texts just popped up. Sorry, where were we?! Being continuously distracted by emails, text messages and calls seems to be an unfortunate reality for many of us. There is no question that the changing nature of work – and advances in technology – have had a tremendous impact on our personal lives. The first step is becoming aware of the problem, which you are. Unless we have some recognition of a problem even existing, we can’t change. Before you start to make any dramatic changes, think about why this is bothering you. Articulate your personal reasons for wanting to change, and the consequences of not changing. Write down a list of pros and cons of constantly checking your work emails. How is this affecting your relationships and stress levels? Articulating the negative impacts on your life can help make you feel more committed to changing and can provide you with clear reasons that may serve an important motivating role for you Think about the positives that come along with checking work emails, as you say, “all the time”. Do you find you are actually saving time? Are you receiving positive reinforcement from those you work with and for? The reality is that at some level, off-hours checking of your smart phone probably has some positive benefits. Thinking about the pros can help guide you toward creative solutions. For example, if your daytime workload is lessened by responding to emails during off-hours times, you may find that waking up an hour early to spend dedicated time dealing with emails before the workday begins is much more preferable than having several hours of personal time being intermittently disrupted by work. Here are some additional tips that can help: 1. Speak to your manager or supervisor and negotiate appropriate guidelines for email checking and response times. Remember – very few of us are in professions where immediate responses to emails are required, and often our usage of work emails is driven more by our own expectations and habits than it is by extrinsic expectations put on us. 2. Establish very clear parameters for acceptable email usage – and leverage the support of family and friends to call you on times you are becoming unduly preoccupied with work emails during personal time. 3. Set your smart phone so that email alerts are on silent during off-work hours. Or, better yet, leave your smart phone at home or out of sight when it is personal/social time! Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Sleep is a core physiological function that impacts many other important areas of functioning (e.g., energy, mood, appetite, motivation, concentration, efficiency). The average adult needs 6-9 hours of sleep. Consistently getting less than 6 hours per night leads to a range of health consequences, and consistently getting more than 9 hours leads to excessive lethargy and fatigue. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with mild to chronic sleep difficulties that impact our daily lives. Understanding our sleep cycle gives us insight into how our sleep patterns work and can help us identify the reasons why our sleep may be disturbed.
Types of Sleep We have 2 main types of sleep: non-REM and REM sleep.
Sleep Cycles We cycle through Stages 1, 2, 3, and REM throughout the night. Each cycle takes approximately 90 minutes and repeats. Also, as the night progresses we increasingly spend a longer period of time in REM (which leads to sleeping becoming more “restorative”, or restful the longer we sleep). So, let’s talk about each stage individually. Stage One - we’re in transition between being awake and asleep. This is a state of very light sleep, and when we are awakened in stage 1 we may claim or feel we weren’t sleeping. Stage Two - is a light stage of sleep. It’s characterized by the slowing down of brain waves. Stage Three - is a stage of deep sleep – when we are woken from this stage, we’re often confused and disoriented. This is the stage during which bedwetting, sleepwalking or night terrors are experienced. Stage Four or REM stage is the last stage in the cycle. In this stage, the eyes usually move fast in different directions and breathing patterns become irregular. Our limbs may also become paralyzed though the feeling is temporary. People who are awoken from this stage may have bizarre tales or wild dreams. Once we leave REM sleep we start the cycle over again. Changes in our Sleep Cycle Sleep patterns are impacted by a range of factors, including stress levels, low mood and depression, worry, physical health conditions, medications, and worry about sleep. Alcohol and many prescription drugs can help facilitate Stage 1 and 2 of sleep, but often have detrimental impacts on our more restorative Stage 3 and REM sleep. |
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