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The question:
I’ve been taking a low dose birth control pill for about a year now and I’m wondering how much of an effect the hormones can have on my mood. I’ve always suffered from mild anxiety, but lately I just don’t feel like myself. I could be fine one minute and the next I feel a rush of anxious energy, worry and sadness. Could it be the pills and should I stop taking them? The answer: Virtually any pharmaceutical – particularly one that is focused specifically on hormonal regulation – has the potential to impact mood. Sadness, anxiety, as well as irritability or sleeplessness are among the most common potential consequences. Speaking to your family doctor about the changes you have noticed is an important first step. There may be a pill that is a better fit for your body, or alternative forms of birth control may be options to consider. It is equally important for you to consider other situational or life events that may be impacting your anxiety. Interestingly, as humans we generally tend to be pretty poor and often inaccurate in our attributions of what factors affect our emotional and physical health. This can be chalked up to a case of being “too close to home” when it comes to factors that affect us. You say you’ve always suffered from mild anxiety – do you have a sense of what factors (situations, scenarios, concerns, people) contribute to the anxiety for you? Putting pen to paper and articulating in writing the personal contributors is a good way to gain some insight. What is going on in your life right now? Pay attention to changes that may be exacerbating your anxiety. Relationship conflict, work stress and financial concerns tend to be the most common culprits. Even positive life events – such as a having a baby, getting a promotion, or moving – tax our physical and emotional resources and can lead to our body feeling “stressed” (our body doesn’t discriminate between good stress and bad stress!). How is your health generally? Have you been exercising? Eating relatively balanced meals? Getting adequate amounts of sleep? Targeting these areas if they have fallen short, and also minimizing alcohol use, is important. The best way to make sense of triggers and contributing factors to your mood is to keep a daily diary for a week or two. Start from when you wake up, and make an hourly (or close to) entry of the following: your mood, what you are doing, and any particular thoughts you are aware you have been having. Review this with your family doctor, and ensure you have had an up to date physical examination as other health issues (e.g., anemia, thyroid dysregulation) could also be playing a role. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. The question:
Should I date my co-worker and mix business with pleasure? I take my work seriously but I’m torn because I don’t want to pass up the opportunity of meeting someone great either. Office romances seem to work for some, but could I be complicating matters? The answer: Ah, the office romance: tempting, and (potentially) highly troublesome. Good on you for approaching this cautiously and thoughtfully – as the best thing you can do is weigh the pros and cons and have an open conversation with your co-worker/romantic interest before anything ensues. There are a number of considerations when it comes to work, the object of your affection, and your knowledge of yourself. With respect to work, how closely do the two of you work together and what is your professional relationship? Dating a co-worker who works on a different floor in a company of 300 is different than dating someone whose cubicle is next to yours in a startup company of 10. What is your reporting relationship? If either of you are in a position of power (i.e., supervisory or potentially evaluative role), it’s probably best to not go down that road. And, how important is this position to you? Are you on a time-limited contract where you see an end in sight to your position, or is this a permanent role and an employer you foresee staying with for the long-term? What do you know about your co-worker? What are the qualities that you are attracted to? Is this someone who makes dating co-workers a habit? Is it just a short-term infatuation/physical attraction, or from the information you have is this truly someone you could see in your life for a period of time? Finally, be brutally honest with yourself and how you are in relationships. Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, so ask yourself how you have dealt with relationships that didn’t work out in the past. Are you someone who is able to stay grounded and remain cordial with those you have dated? Are you someone who becomes overly attached very quickly, and becomes highly emotional or upset when even short-term dating situations don’t work out? If, after considering the above, you feel that the benefits of pursuing this relationship outweigh the potential cons, have a candid conversation with your co-worker. Lay the concerns you have out on the table and listen to their perspective. If you both decide to proceed, be mindful of going slow and steady, given the stakes are higher if things don’t work out. Also try to hold off on getting physically involved until you know there is compatibility in terms of personalities and short and long-term relationship goals. The reality is that the workplace often becomes the predominant place we meet people (both friends and romantic interests), particularly as we move out of our 20s. And as a result, why pass up something that potentially could be highly fulfilling and meaningful. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  How to Manage Feelings of Frustration
With all of the busyness of life, frustration can be a frequently occurring emotion, particularly when we are dealing with competing life and work demands. Here, we’ll address what causes us to feel frustration, how to manage feelings of frustration to decrease our frustration levels. What is frustration? Frustration is the feeling of being upset or annoyed, particularly because of our inability to change or achieve something. When we experience frustration, we often forget the cause of these feelings are often completely out of our control – and the ‘out of our control’ contributors to frustration often can even further amplify the feelings of frustration! (Isn’t that just frustrating?) How can we all better manage frustration?
Final Thoughts Personally, I find when my frustration levels increase, it’s usually because I’m feeling disorganized in life. So, what I do is intentionally reduce ‘extra’ demands in my life – which usually relates to non-essential or non-energizing social commitments – and use that time to catch up on housework, do laundry, get caught up and organized with paperwork that clutters my office, and do some meal planning so that I have one less To Do during the week. I also then commit no-alarms on Saturdays and Sundays so that I can catch up on much-needed sleep debt! We are only in charge of what we can control, so do what you can, and don’t sweat the small things! The question:
When we got married my husband said he wanted to have kids. Now, several years into our marriage he has decided that kids are not part of his future. I still desperately want to have children. Knowing that there isn’t much to compromise on this, what should I do? Do I wait for him to potentially change his mind (which he has said could happen but could not) or start filling out the divorce papers? The answer: Every couple faces two types of issues in their relationship: solvable and perpetual problems. Solvable issues for one couple can be perpetual issues for another, and vice versa. An important part of resolving conflict in a relationship involves accurately identifying which type of problem you are facing, as that determines how to move forward. Often, couples confound the two, and reach a stalemate if they are approaching the issue with a mismatched approach. Solvable problems are those that have potential workarounds, meaning a solution can be both found and maintained with appropriate dialogue. These are about a situational issue, and often don’t have deeper meaning when it comes to one or both partners’ personality or fundamental needs. Perpetual problems are those that relate to fundamental differences in personalities or lifestyle needs. Research demonstrates that couples need to initiate effective dialogue about their perpetual issues to effectively move forward, otherwise they become engaged in gridlocked conflict. There are two important things you have mentioned: that your husband has previously voiced a desire for children, and he also indicates that he may change his mind. Have the two of you been able to have effective dialogue about what has lead him to change his mind yet be somewhat open to this changing in the future? Are there other factors at play, such as job uncertainty, concerns about finances, or other core relationship problems that the two of you have? If there are contributing factors to his decision that are solvable, the approach would be to target those first. Or, is his stance on children independent of the quality of your relationship or other extrinsic factors? If it boils down to a fundamental difference in your lifestyle needs for the future, the two of you have some more difficult discussions and decisions to make. Ultimately, it comes down to weighing how much importance each of you places on your relationship over children. One of you either has to accept the other’s position (which could lead to long-term resentment and contempt in the relationship) or make a decision to end the relationship. One thing is for certain, forcing the issue of kids if your partner is strongly voicing he doesn’t want them is a no-win situation. I’ve seen many couples where the husband eventually succumbs even though he has repeatedly voiced not wanting children, and this more often than not leads to significant problems in the long-term. Emotional disengagement, lack of emotional and physical intimacy, and lack of involvement in child-rearing are all potential consequences. Dr. John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert is an excellent book that I would recommend you and your husband read through together to help you navigate the tricky waters of having these conversations. If you find the two of you are unable to effectively move forward, I would suggest seeing a couples therapist to exhaust all other options before you consider potentially making the difficult decision to end your marriage. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Self-Compassion Journaling – Journaling Prompts
Journaling can be a great way to set aside a specific time to engage in self-reflection. It gives you the opportunity to explore your emotions while also identifying patterns. When it comes to self-compassion, it gives you the opportunity to identify areas for growth and self-acceptance in our lives in an intentional way. It can also be a healthy and therapeutic way of expressing yourself, which can improve mood and help to de-stress. So, here we are going to talk about self-compassionate journaling and how to incorporate it into your life including journaling prompts How to Start Journaling Beginning any routine can be challenging, so it’s best to start with tangible ways of incorporating it into your daily routine. This can include picking a time to engage in a journaling practice, set a notification in your phone to remind you, and have a list of prompts prepared so if you don’t naturally have anything to write about, you have an alternative writing topic. Journaling Prompts that Focus on Self-Love Here is a list of prompts that can help you start thinking about self-compassion and the ways you can re-engage with self-love.
Final Thoughts Journaling is just one way to practice self-compassion, so if journaling isn’t for you, or you struggle to keep it as part of your routine, that’s okay. In most cases these things take practice, so it can be easy to get discouraged. |
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