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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
When is retail therapy unhealthy? The answer: “Retail therapy” is a tongue-in-cheek term we tend to use (especially us women) to refer to shopping behaviour that has the primary aim of improving our emotional state. Getting something new that we like can naturally make us feel good – particularly when it is something that may contribute to enhancing our self-esteem or confidence, such as clothes, shoes or makeup. The natural little high that comes along with this is very normal and for the majority of people will not become problematic. But some people may find that they have an urge to shop when they are sad, depressed, anxious or even angry. Although this can lead to a temporary lift in mood, often our decision-making is poor when we are experiencing negative emotions and we may make choices we later regret. There are three key questions to ask yourself to determine whether your shopping behaviour is unhealthy: 1. Do you get the urge to shop particularly when you are experiencing negative emotions? 2. Do you find it difficult to resist the urge to shop during these times? 3. Is your behaviour resulting in negative results effects (e.g., are you getting yourself into financial debt; do you feel guilty afterward; is it creating conflict with your partner)? If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you are likely engaging in shopping behaviour that is unhealthy. There are a few things that you can do to work on this. First, articulate the negative effects of your behaviour. Write them down and be specific. Put this list somewhere visible. Second, identify which particular moods tend to increase the likelihood that you will engage in “retail therapy.” Work to regulate these negative emotions. Seek treatment for underlying mood issues if these have been unaddressed. Try instead different activities that will intrinsically improve your mood, such as visiting with a friend or going for a walk. Third, Third, consider what environmental triggers urge you to shop (e.g., a fight with your partner, a bad day at work). Work on a solution to these situations because targeting the underlying cause will be more effective than focusing strictly on the shopping behaviour. Fourth, put a price to your behaviour. What is this costing you on a monthly basis? And how is that interfering with other short- and long-term financial goals you have? Finally, make a commitment to change your behaviour. Be specific about what you are going to do. And start immediately. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  We’ve all heard the advice of striving for work-life balance. This suggests, for most of us, that work is tipping the scales and we need to spend more time on other aspects of our non-work personal lives – and in some cases to ‘get a life’. The reality of modern-day work structure – right or wrong – is that we now work longer hours than ever. The modern-day work environment and global economy, combined with technology which now allows us to work 24/7, along with the cost of living makes it increasingly more difficult to achieve balance: if we look at this as an actual scale, for most of us, work is going to significantly tip the scales based simply on the number of hours we spend working.
Work-life balance also suggests that portions of our lives should be separated into different sections but it isn’t always that simple. Many of us choose our profession based on something we are passionate about or we feel gives us meaning. Therefore, it isn’t always easy to separate work and life. So, rather than striving for work-life balance, we should be thinking about achieving work-life harmony. This means arranging the different aspects of our lives so that they work together in harmony – like an orchestra. What can we do to achieve work-life harmony? 1. Make conscious choices Conductors create great harmonies by getting different instruments in the orchestra to work together effectively and by emphasizing different instruments at different times. For us, this means ensuring we make conscious choices about the activities we engage in, including work, and what is important to us. This also means attempting to have a plan in regards to the time we spend. Whenever possible make conscious decisions about how much we are going to work and how we are going to spend the rest of our time. 2. Work with passion When possible work in a field that we can be passionate about, or find aspects of our current position that we love. Research suggests that we are happier and more invested in our work when we can find meaning in that work. 3. Prioritize working with people we like Since we are spending a significant portion of time with our co-workers, our relationship with them can affect how we feel throughout the day. We are likely to be happier if we enjoy the people we are working with. This could mean choosing to spend more time with the people we like and get along with at work or building better relationships with the people we work with. Alternatively, if we are working with people we don’t get along with we should attempt to manage those relationships or conflicts better, or even consider switching work environments, if possible. 4. Stay active and get rest Exercise and sleep have a positive impact on our brain function and our productivity at work. While our busy lives don’t always make it easy for us to get the optimal amount of activity or rest (in addition to everything else), something is better than nothing. Consider starting small and finding ways to incorporate movement into the workday (such as walking or biking to work, using a stand-up desk or exercise ball instead of a standard chair, or incorporating a walking meeting into your schedule). Sleep is especially important when it comes to our focus, productivity, and creativity at work. Establishing a sleep routine – where we go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning – can help us achieve a more restful sleep. If a routine isn’t possible, there are a number of ways to increase our sleep hygiene that may be easier to incorporate into your schedule. 5. Don’t let obstacles or limitations overwhelm Obstacles and setbacks are a part of everyone’s lives but how we deal with them has a significant effect on our attitude as well as whether or not we are able to overcome them. Remaining optimistic and positive in the face of limitations and obstacles helps us become more resilient. While remaining positive or optimistic in all situations can be difficult, sometimes it’s about finding one small, good thing in the tough moments that are out of our control. For example, many of us commute to work. There are times that we are in a rush and we get stuck in traffic. Rather than allowing this to anger us and start our day off negatively, we can refocus our energy on music, or an audiobook or podcast to bring harmony back into that moment. Shifting our focus from balance to harmony We’ve been conditioned to think that true happiness lies in achieving a balance between our work and our personal lives. But with technology and the shift of work from something that pays our bills to a passion project, balance no longer means what it did 10 years ago. Instead, work-life harmony allows us to think about our lives differently. It becomes less about tipping an imaginary scale and more about the imaginary orchestra you can create. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Female Caregiver Stress: Tips to Take Care of Yourself
There is this idea that women are natural caregivers. Whether or not this is true, in our current society women tend to be responsible for most unpaid labour, such as caregiving for elderly family members and children as well as domestic responsibilities. Although caregiving can be incredibly rewarding, it can also be stressful – female caregiver stress is very common. It’s important for caregivers to remember to take care of themselves in order to be able to effectively care for others in their life. Signs of Female Caregiver Stress It’s easy for caregivers to neglect their own health when they’re focused on caring for others. But long-term stress can have a negative impact on a person’s physical and mental wellness. So, it’s important to pay attention to signs of stress, such as:
Tips to Take Care of Yourself – Managing Caregiver Stress
Remember that you’re not alone. It’s common for caregivers to have a challenging time asking for help which can lead to feeling further isolated, frustrated and even depressed. Final Thoughts While it can be rewarding to be a caregiver, it can also be incredibly challenging and cause a significant amount of stress, especially for female caregivers. This year has been particularly hard on everyone so it’s more important than ever to ensure that we prioritize our own needs so we are better able to support our loved ones. Remember it does not mean you have failed or that you’re weak if you need to reach out for support. We always manage things better as a community. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Feeling Suicidal? How to ask for help
Over the last decade, conversations about mental health and suicide prevention have become more prevalent. More people are becoming aware of the importance of mental health on our overall health. But unfortunately, we still have a long way to go and stigma is still affecting our ability to ask for help when we’re feeling suicidal or struggling at all. It’s important to remember that mental illness or thoughts of suicide are not a sign of weakness or a reflection on your character, and asking for help is an incredible show of strength. Know that you deserve support regardless of what in your brain is telling you otherwise. Also, know that help is available. Even if the first person you reach out to is not as helpful as you hoped, try again. Not everyone has the ability to be supportive and that is not a reflection on you. If you don’t have someone in your personal life you rely on, know that there are always crisis lines and professionals who have the training to provide you with the support you need. Don’t give up on support altogether, even if it takes some time to garner it. How to ask for help when you’re suicidal Many of us may struggle with asking for help when we’re suicidal because we don’t know what to say. We may not know how to express the feelings we are experiencing, and we may not know what we need or what type of support someone is able (or willing) to offer. These conversations are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to find the perfect words – but saying something is better than nothing. So, here are some suggestions on how to start these conversations and help to keep yourself safe. “I am really struggling and don’t feel safe right now, can you stay on the phone with me until I calm down?”
“I am feeling [depressed/suicidal] and I don’t know what to ask for, but I don’t want to be alone right now.” “I’m struggling right now, but I’m not ready to talk about it. Will you help to distract me?”
“I’ve been struggling with my mental health and what I’ve been trying isn’t working. Will you help me make a better plan?” (set a particular time and date to do it)
“Can you check in with me [at a particular time / every day] just to make sure I’m alright?”
“I’ve been really low. Can you remind me of something you like about me?”
Final Thoughts Asking for help when you’re suicidal can be challenging. Often it can be helpful to be blunt and say that you are feeling suicidal so the person you are reaching out to for support can better support you. It’s not easy to ask for help, but it is strong and it is brave and hopefully, the more we talk about suicide the easier it will be for people to ask for help. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
My husband has always been short-tempered, but he has become increasingly angry over the past few months. He takes it out on our pre-teen children – he has never gotten physical and does not swear or get otherwise verbally abusive. But he gets easily annoyed and frustrated, and will raise his voice and get upset with them to the point that they don’t want to be around him. His responses are out of proportion to the situations. How can I help him see the damage he is causing? The answer: Anger is a normal, healthy emotion that we all experience at times. Like any other emotion, anger exists on a continuum with varying degrees of severity. The range of emotions may include minor annoyance, irritation or frustration, all the way up to fury or rage. It is important to distinguish the emotional experience of anger (which can be appropriate in some circumstances) from the outward expression of anger (which is often inappropriate, and can lead to damaging, destructive or abusive situations). Anger can serve a useful function in some situations: namely when we are in situations where we are being disrespected, threatened/attacked, or when our boundaries are being crossed. Anger can become unhealthy and problematic when it is mismatched to the severity of a situation, or when it is inappropriately expressed or negatively impacting others – like the situation you seem to be describing with your husband. In these latter types of situations, anger often is a “secondary emotion” – meaning that it may be a sign of another underlying “primary emotion”. Insecurity, fear/anxiety, and depression can often manifest as anger, particularly for men. Given that you have described a recent change in your husband’s behaviour, it may be likely that his anger is reflective of some other emotional experience or stressor. Given that your husband’s behaviour is having a negative impact on your young children, you need to address this with him immediately. You may want to start by having a general discussion about changes you’ve observed over recent months. Be specific and objective in describing the behaviour you have seen, and avoid making assumptions or laying blame (as this will likely just lead to him feeling defensive). Let him know that you want to work with him as a family to create a more supportive and caring environment for your children. Describe the impact it’s having on your children. Ask if he’s noticed that things have felt different or ‘off’ recently, and if there are things that have been bothering him over recent months that you may be unaware of. Take a problem-solving approach where you work with your husband to identify factors that may be contributing to his anger (and work on solving those). Also, try to agree upon some immediate strategies to minimize the impact of his mood on your children (e.g., ask him to go for a short walk to relax before he comes home from work and sees the family). You should remain unapologetic in your expression of behaviours that need to change. Know that there are a range of effective strategies for managing anger, including: identifying trigger factors/situations (and working to reduce those); working to solve underlying issues (e.g., untreated depression or anxiety); learning and implementing relaxation strategies; reducing alcohol or other non-prescription substance use; changing thoughts/interpretations that lead to angry thoughts; and learning more effective/healthy communication styles (e.g., assertive, rather than aggressive communication styles). Note: If there is ever any indication of emotional, verbal or physical abuse – toward you or children – it is important first and foremost to ensure safety of everyone involved. Remove yourself and your children from any potentially dangerous or threatening situation and call The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for resources in your area. There are a number of useful books on anger management that may be helpful for individuals that are dealing with anger problems, as well as for their loved ones to better understand anger patterns and triggers. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. |
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