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By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  Create Gratitude Practice with Intention
Gratitude is one of my favourite topics. Gratitude is a practice that can have a significant impact on our overall psychological mental health or wellness, and it is one of the simplest practices to adopt. Most of us know what gratitude is, but here I am going to discuss why gratitude is so important and how to practice gratitude with intention as a way of increasing our resilience. “When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu What is gratitude? Very simply – it’s having, feeling and expressing appreciation for what one has, or for what others do for you. But gratitude is more than just etiquette – it’s about a state of mind. Studies have shown that people who frequently articulate and express gratitude experience positive benefits across a range of areas:
Why is an intentional gratitude practice so important? Life gets busy – and life is stressful. And when we are busy and stressed, we all have a natural tendency to focus on responding to things in our environment – trudging through our day’s To Do’s and tasks, without really stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. An intentional gratitude practice can help us make sure that we take mini pauses throughout the day where we are Appreciating and Feeling – rather than just Doing. How to Practice Gratitude
How I Practice Gratitude Personally, I identify things I have gratitude for first thing in the morning (I’m a snoozer ~ so I have a few minutes in those early morning hours where I can think uninterrupted!). I pick 3 things – big or small – that I have gratitude for. These don’t have to be new and unique every day – you can certainly put things on repeat! Then, through the day, I bring my mind back to those 3 things. Some of the things I find I routinely have gratitude for are having a safe and secure home, living in Canada, and having running water. I encourage you to try out an intentional gratitude practice for just one week. Remember to identify at least 3 things – big or small – that you have gratitude for, and try to bring your mind back to these things through the day. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
Our son, who was an excellent student and athlete, suddenly dropped out of university and left his summer job in order to pursue a relationship with a woman. He says he is not interested in various possibilities, and that he needs to figure out what to do in life. What should we do? The answer: Watching a child of any age make decisions that you feel aren’t in their best interest is always difficult for a parent. It sounds as though you have understandable concerns that your son is giving up positive opportunities (education, athletics) that would help him build a stable future, in exchange for a relationship that may be temporary. As your son is in university I will assume that he is a young adult – this is important because your influence on your child’s life is dependent upon a number of factors, one of which is age. If he were underage, certainly your role and responsibility would be greater and a more assertive approach may be needed; conversely, if he were in his 30s or 40s, your role would (despite your best intentions or wishes) be quite different, and he likely would be less open to your opinion or advice. I would suggest having a heart-to-heart conversation with your son. Let him know that you want to speak with him about some things that he may not necessarily agree with, but that feel very important to you to bring up. Emphasize that you care for him, and that your only wish is that he have a stable and successful future. Tell him that first and foremost, it is important to you that your discussions do not create any conflict/divide in you and your wife’s relationship with him. Convey your concern and worry that he may be making decisions that, at least from your perspective, would ensure a good future. Let him know that you appreciate that he is trying to figure out what he wants to do in life. Also let him know that you understand that he cares for the woman he is with – this is very important as blaming or bad-mouthing her will only serve to further alienate him. Ask about, and genuinely try to understand his perspective and what has led to his decisions. (It may be that he has thought through his decisions well, even though you may have a hard time understanding or agreeing with them.) It sounds as though you feel his decision to abandon other pursuits is fully attributable to the woman he is with, but it may be that he was already considering making some changes, and that the relationship simply became a trigger. Remain supportive, and stay focused on keeping an open and respectful relationship with your son. At the end of the day, you need to trust his decision as he is an adult. Try to keep the channels of communication open, and let him know that you are always there to provide parental advice when or if he needs it. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth The question:
I suppose this is a problem of old age, but I think constantly about my ex-husband, who has been dead for almost 40 years. Could this be from unresolved trauma? It was not a happy marriage. The answer: Regularly thinking about someone who was an important part of your life – good or bad – even years or decades after they have died is not unusual. Grief is a mysterious creature and the process can be so unpredictable, and so very individual. Thoughts of someone who has died tend to be more frequent and intense when the death was of someone particularly close (a partner, a child). The grieving process is protracted when the death is untimely, unexpected or particularly traumatic or tragic. Having unresolved or complicated emotions from the relationship while the person was alive can also play a role, as you have alluded. As a society, we are strangely ill-equipped to deal with death. I am often asked questions about how long it will take to “get over” a loss, or how one can deal with “unresolved issues” when it comes to their grieving. My experience – both personally in dealing with the death of my father, as well as professionally – is that we never really get over the death of someone that was an important part of our life. We simply learn to cope better over time. Whether your thoughts are a problem depends on a few factors. First, when you say “constantly,” what do you mean? I have many patients who will describe thinking on a daily basis about their deceased loved one. A fleeting thought on most days, even decades later, is not necessarily unusual. Consider the intensity of the emotions associated with thoughts of your ex-husband. Are they neutral thoughts that pop in and out of your head, and don’t interfere with your day-to-day activities? Or, do you find you get stuck in a ruminative state that causes a high degree of emotional stress? There is no magic formula for how long it takes to cope well after a death. But most people will find that it can take from a few months to a few years to get back to their usual mood and activities, and have thoughts of their loved one without breaking down or becoming overly emotional. Four decades later, you still sound disturbed by the quality or quantity of thoughts you are having about your ex-husband – so clearly something needs to change. Spend some time reflecting on what impact his death had. Do you feel that there were unsaid things that you want to communicate to him that you never did? Do you have anger or regret at yourself for not doing things differently, such as leaving the marriage earlier? Are there elements of self-blame or shame for decisions you did or didn’t make? Have you made efforts to move on in your life, or is your past relationship still affecting current-day decisions? Doing some soul-searching on the above can help you move forward. Start by writing down your thoughts in a journal; every time you get stuck on a thought, note what it is specifically that’s in your head, and what it means about your life now. This can be a very powerful exercise. If you find this doesn’t make things better, joining a grief support group or seeking the help of a therapist may be of benefit. Excerpted from Dr. Joti Samra’s “Ask the Psychologist” weekly column in The Globe and Mail. By Dr. Joti Samra, CEO & Founder of the Psychological Health & Safety (PH&S) Clinic and MyWorkplaceHealth  How to Declutter to Reduce Anxiety: Tips for a minimalist lifestyle
There is so much talk when it comes to “minimalism” and decluttering our “stuff”. Often, people are stuck in terms of where to start, or don’t even quite understand what minimalism means to them: it is different for everybody. Here I’ll discuss how to declutter to reduce anxiety in order to create a balance between what you love to have in your life, while also maintaining a clutter-free environment with fewer things you don’t need. Why should we be concerned with minimalism and having a clutter-free environment? For starters, there’s a lot of wisdom in the old adage about a cluttered environment leading to a cluttered mind. Too much (of anything) around us leads to reduced focus, efficiency, and a general state of emotional or even physical ‘chaos’. Why does clutter lead to anxiety and stress?
Most people have too much stuff, more than they want or need. For about 6% of the population, this tendency to over-collect and under-purge turns into a clinical compulsive hoarding condition. Hoarding: How is it different from having excessive stuff? This article isn’t about hoarding in particular but let’s define it so we know what the difference is between hoarding and simply having an excess of ‘stuff’. For those who are compulsively hoarding, a few criteria need to be met. A person collects and keeps a lot of items, even things that appear useless or of little value to most people; these items clutter the living spaces and keep the person from using their rooms as they were intended; and, these items cause distress or problems in day-to-day activities. How to Declutter to Maintain Balance Personally, I have found the rule of “if you haven’t worn or used something for a year, purge” not that helpful or practical. There are many items I have and will, or do, use that don’t necessarily meet those criteria. Several years ago, I watched and was significantly impacted, by Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m by no means close to being a minimalist. I have a long, long, long way to go. However, after watching this documentary I have found myself to be substantially more aware and intentional about the items I purchase. As well as which items come into our home (getting better at purging is the area I’m still continuing to see as a work in progress!). One of the things that stood out to me from the documentary was to ask yourself one simple question when bringing something in or out of your home: does it have beauty or function? If neither – then out it goes. This is a question I find I repeatedly ask myself when considering a purchase that I may not need. It’s also a question I ask myself when I find I’m resisting letting go of something. How to Declutter Pick only one room in your home you want to declutter. Then break it into sections: for example, in your bathroom, you could have “sink counter”, “medicine cabinet” and “under sink cupboard” as 3 different areas. Make a commitment to purge one area a week. As you review each item within that area, ask yourself: is it either functional or beautiful? Then, move onto another room. I find I can get overwhelmed if I try to do larger purges, and so starting with a drawer or cupboard at a time can be a great way to start! If you’re still having trouble, try making it fun. Put on your favourite upbeat music as you’re organizing it will likely make time feel as though it’s going by quicker. Once you start to see the positive impact of decluttering and living a more minimalist lifestyle, it will get easier and you will find yourself being more intentional about the things you bring into your home. Now that you have some tips on how to declutter I challenge you to start on your next free day! Start small but it will make a difference. |
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